another article from 2009.

I was listening to one of my favorite online pastors the other day, and his message was on betrayal. Have you ever been betrayed? It hurts like nothing has ever hurt you before. And what hurts worse is when you are hurt by someone who is closest to you. Maybe a spouse that has had an affair….maybe your spouse is a refuser….maybe your spouse is into pornography. It digs deep inside your soul and the pain is worse than childbirth.


Why does God allow such things? He didn’t create the pit you feel that you are in, but he allows it because there is a purpose in the pit. In today’s lesson, I want to focus on a few people of the bible who were in deep pits, how it affected their lives and what we can learn from them.

Think about a person from the bible who seemed to have it all, but soon found himself in a deep pit. And a pit with vipers in it, too. No, I am not talking about Indiana Jones, I am talking about Job. Job 1:1-3 tells us a little bit about him. In the land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job. This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil.  He had seven sons and three daughters, and he owned seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen and five hundred donkeys, and had a large number of servants. He was the greatest man among all the people of the East. Job was a good man, feared God, and he was rich…not only in things, but he had full quiver there with 7 sons and 3 daughters. He was a blessed man. But what would happen to him if he lost it all? One day, Satan paid a visit to the Lord and the Lord talked to him about Job. Why in the world would God tempt Satan with a godly man like Job? Because God knows Satan and the omniscient Lord knows his servant Job quite well. So God gave Job over to Satan to be tested…to prove to Satan even when he lost it all, he still recognized God’s hand in it all. So Satan took away everything he had…his sheep? Fire from heaven burned them up. His camels? Taken away by the Chaldeans. His oxen and donkeys? Taken by the Sabeans. His servants? All killed except a few that survived to report what had happened to him. Surely not his children! Yes, all 10 of his children were killed in one full swoop while eating dinner at the oldest brother’s house. It reminds me of looking at a picture of a Hurricane Katrina victim after the storm. Lost it all. It’s all gone. What did Job do? At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said:
“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised.”

I would pray that if this ever happened to me, I would praise God in the way Job did. He realized that all he had was not his. It belonged to the Lord. In the following chapters, Job was struck from head to toe with boils. Still he wouldn’t curse or denounce God. Job remained faithful to God no matter who tried to convince him otherwise. In the end, Job finds contentment in his relationship with God and all that he lost was restored twofold. Was Job betrayed? Maybe by his wife who asked him to curse God and his friends with their bad advice, but not by God. Never once by God.

How about returning back to a story I did a long time ago, but looking at it through someone else’s eyes. I talked about Sarai and her barrenness awhile back. She took matters into her own hand and gave her servant Hagar to her husband and Hagar bore him a son. Remember that story? (Genesis 16) No sooner had Hagar conceived a baby with Abram, Sarai flew into a rage about it. She was cruel to poor Hagar, so cruel that Hagar ran away. An angel of the Lord found Hagar and told her to return to Sarai and submit herself to her. The Lord would greatly multiply her descendants through her child. Even though Hagar was an Egyptian, she recognized that she was in the presence of the Lord and feared Him. She went back as she was told, but after Isaac’s birth, she was sent away again with her son. (Genesis 21) As she sat out in the wilderness, she cried out to God. God heard her and her son’s cries, and once again He sent her an angel. God opened Hagar’s eyes to see that a well of water was nearby and she filled a skin with water to give her son a drink. God was with her and her son, and Ishmael grew up in the wilderness and became an archer. Notice a theme…in her time of need, instead of cursing God, she cried out to God. She lived among Abram and his wife and must have learned so much about their God.  She was serving Sarah while she was pregnant with Isaac at age 90, so she saw God’s miracle with her own eyes!  Was Hagar betrayed? By Sarai and Abram, yes. By God, no way.

What about Joseph? Oh, my if there were ever anyone in the Bible who was betrayed, this young man was betrayed over and over and over again…first by his brothers who threw him into a pit (literally) and sold him to slave traders. Next in Egypt by Potiphar and his wife, the latter who accused him of trying to take advantage of her in Potiphar’s house. He was sent to prison for a crime that he did not do for a LONG time. Did Potiphar betray him? Sure! For believing his wife when he knew Joseph’s character. After all, he made him the head of all of his household! Why would someone he trusted to take care of his household betray him? But in the end, we learned that God had a plan in all of this to save his family during the famine. His dreams and visions came true.  While Joseph needed to be humbled from his boastful nature as a child/teen/young man, but while in his pit, he learned so much more about God’s faithfulness and was made stronger.  He was betrayed by a lot of people, but never by a faithful God who had a purpose for the pits Joseph found himself in. A purpose that was revealed in time.

Jesus. We all betrayed him, didn’t we? Why should he have to be thrown into the pit? He didn’t sin, not even once. Why did we betray him that he would have to die for us? That is one pit I am so glad to avoid, and try with all my prayers and strength to prevent friends, loved ones or others who may read this blog who don’t believe from being condemned to this pit for all eternity.  In all of it, God’s love for us provided a way out of our pit of betrayal of him. Isn’t it awesome that by believing in Jesus, we are eternally saved from the pit of hell?

I use a NASB Ryrie study bible for all these studies, and in it, Dr. Charles Ryrie had this profound thought….”If we know God, we do not need to know why he allows us to experience what we do. He is not only in control of the universe and all its facets, but also in control of our lives and he loves us. Though his ways are sometimes beyond our comprehension, we should not criticize him for his dealings with us or others. God is always in control of all things even when He appears not to be. “ Amen to that. And I am so glad to leave things in the Almighty’s hands instead of mine.

Sisters, sometimes we sit in the lowest place we think that we could possibly be. I want you to remember this….God doesn’t send us anywhere that he hasn’t been first. Psalm 23 isn’t just for funerals…think on this “The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. “ (Psalm 23:1-4) Are you in a pit right now? Is it dark and you can’t see your way out?  Then look up!!!   Remember the Lord is there with you. He will never leave you or forsake you. You are precious to him…so precious to him and he loves you. Trust that he has a plan for your pit and that in God’s time, you will come out of that pit…stronger…stronger in faith and in life than you could ever possibly imagine.

This entry was posted on October 16, 2013, in Welcome!.

Pierced by a Tongue

I got you, didn’t I?

I like to consider myself a person who watches what I say.   When someone disappoints me, angers me, or what not, I think through my words before I say them.   Well, most of the time.   When I read an email from someone, I carefully chose the words that I want to reply back.   Why, oh why, can’t I do that for my husband?

I received an email in my box today that said this, “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” (Proverbs 12:18)    Wow.   Those brought back a memory to me.  See, there was this time last week when my husband walked into the bedroom.   He was talking on the phone to his father.   I, of course, was watching the most important show on TV at the time…..House, MD.   (Yeah, go ahead and laugh…you like him, too!)   So, my dear husband sits down at the computer desk to do some research for his Dad….and here I am trying very hard to hear the TV while he is talking.    My daughter had been asleep in bed for an hour…my son was on the computer in the other room…. I had an hour of peace and quiet.    Or so I thought.    I love my hubby.  I love the relationship that is fostered between him and his dad recently…but does it have to be when I am watching House?   He turns to me, this wonderful man that God gave me forever and ever, and gives me the “can you turn down the TV” sign…  Being the good wife that I try ever so hard to be, I turn it down some.    Alas, I find that when I turn it down, I cannot hear the TV because of his phone conversation.    So, I scoot as close to the TV as I can get so I can hear it while he finishes on the phone.

When he gets off the phone with his dad, he looks at me and basically says, “What is more important to you….this TV program or my talking to my Dad on the phone?”   Aw, crap.   Here I go…I am thinking…thinking… sigh.  I have had a hard day at work.  My daughter doesn’t leave me alone from 3-8pm after school.  Here it is…9:30pm.  I am on my second episode of House (Netflix is great!).  I am relaxed on the bed…Couldn’t he have talked to his Dad in the other room?   We have like more computers and laptops in the house than we have people!   This was my only time of the day to do something for myself that I enjoy.   I open my mouth, and… You know what I said, don’t you?   Sigh.  A Proverbs 31 wife, I was not.

The look on his face.  You would have thought I just pierced him with a sword right through his heart.   And I did.     “Reckless words pierce like a sword… ” ACK!   I really didn’t mean to hurt him.  I never, ever mean to hurt him.  But I did.   Why?  For an episode of House?   I had it on DVD right there.   You know, in my mind, I still kept thinking … why didn’t he think about ME when he walked in here?   But God teaches us to think of OTHERS before ourselves.    “Love your neighbor as yourself” is what Matthew 22: 39 tells us.   If I were on the phone with my parents, what would I have wanted or expected from him?   Jesus didn’t tell us that it was okay to hurt the ones we love…in the story of the Good Samaritan, Jesus was asked that question…who is my neighbor?   We aren’t just talking about the noisy, psycho neighbor in the house next door, we are talking about everyone and anyone who we come into contact with.     Do you remember the answer Jesus got to that question…Luke 10: 37  And he said (he being the “expert in the law” who asked the question), “The one who showed mercy toward him.”

You know the most embarrassing thing to me?  God knew I was going to say that before I ever even uttered it.   “O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.   You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.   You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.   Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.   Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. “(Psalm 139: 1-6)   Sigh.

So why do we do it?  Why did I do it?  Sure it is our sin nature.  I say things more often that hurt my husband and my kids than I do to my employees, my friends, and strangers on the street.   Is it because we are so comfortable with them that we don’t really think before we speak?   Many people think they know me, but if they knew the words that travel through my head, they would be shocked.   I just have a very good sense (most of the time) when to say it and when to not say it.   How about you?  Proverbs 10:19 gives us some good advice “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.” Was the episode of House I was watching more important than showing love to my husband?  No.   I should have hit pause, or moved into the other room.   It should have never passed through my lips.   I have a friend who once told me that while she teaches in her class, she has some children that are discipline problems.   I asked her how she handles it.   She told me that she imagines that God is testing her, and that child is Jesus.   How would you treat Jesus?   That is how she treats even her worst behavior problem child.   I think God wants me to do that as well.

Let me leave you with this thought.    (Psalm 34: 11-14)   Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD.    Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.  Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.

Sorry, babe.

This entry was posted on October 15, 2013, in Welcome!.

Hope never fails

This is an article that I did back in 2009.  I needed to read it again to remind me.  The storm I am in now is all part of God’s plan.   Hope this will help you, too.


Last week, I did a short study on faith.   This week, I want to touch on something I was reminded of this past Sunday at church.

This past week ended with a tragedy for a friend’s family, and we were overcome with the “WHY?” question.   At this point, I realize now that I will never really know why.  I don’t really need to know why.  If I did, I would already know why.    But I put my trust in one thing…that God knows why and it happened for a reason.   That’s all I need to know.   Many of my friends and I have been encouraging each other this weekend and the start of this new week.   Something my pastor said this weekend really hit home with me.    Hope.    Here’s the verses we studied this weekend.

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.  (Romans 5:3-5)

Now, when I wasn’t a Christian yet, I suffered a very painful time when I was young.   My grandfather died, and I didn’t understand why.   All I knew was that he was gone.   After his funeral, my family had a party (At least to my teenage mind, it was a party)   Why were we celebrating?  Hello!  Did you not remember that Granddad died?  Why are you all laughing and joking?  What is so funny about it?   I was hurting really bad.   My grandma was celebrating because my granddad had come to know Christ before he died.   Granddad cheated death so many times already, and Grandma knew it was because God wasn’t done with him yet.   So she was celebrating that she would see her husband in Heaven when she died.   But I didn’t understand that fully until I became a Christian myself and I felt my Father’s hand on my shoulder comforting me.     See, God wants us to thank him in times of happiness.   He wants us to be grateful when we get a prayer answered.   But he wants us to know that he is there when we are suffering, too.    Even though we are suffering, God isn’t through with us yet.   Through our pain, through our suffering, the Master craftsman is molding us and shaping us for something new.   The things we suffer make us stronger.  In it’s verb form, gives this definition for persevere: “to persist in anything undertaken; maintain a purpose in spite of difficulty, obstacles, or discouragement; continue steadfastly.” That’s exactly what God wants us to do….keep on keepin’ on, even in the worst situations.   Keep your eyes on the prize, keep striving toward the goal.    Perseverance builds character.   Integrity.   Our traits that form our individual nature as children of God.  and character builds hope.   I love this next part.   And hope does not disappoint us. AMEN!   Our hope is in the Lord.  He always has our best interest at heart.   We have a hope for the future.  Our future is with our Lord in heaven, going about the business that he has planned for us.   Our future IS NOT eternal separation from our loving God.  I look forward to the day that God decides that my time on this earth has ended and my time with Him begins eternally.   (that is when God decides it is my time)   My hope looks to that future and my hope will never fail me.   God loves me so much that he sent his Son to die for me.   There is my hope.   I have a Savior who loves me and would give anything to have me with him forever.   That, dear ones, is a promise that will never be broken.

So yes, we will go through times of sorrow.  We will go through times of pain.  We will go through times that we just hurt so badly.   These words from God tell us to praise him in this storm.   God holds us all in his hands, and there are no other hands that can hold me so tightly and never let go of me.   God is not through with you, dear one.   When Noah looked out on all the rain that fell and flooded the earth, did he give up hope?  Just because he couldn’t see it through the rain didn’t mean that the rainbow wasn’t there.   God’s word is true forever and ever, AMEN!   God’s promises will never come back with a return to sender stamp on them.   So thank God and praise Him when you are at your lowest.   Take his hand.  There is nowhere to go but up.

Short hiatus

Due to personal family issues, I will be MIA for a bit.   I am sorry for the inconvenience.

POTW: Bathtub Bonanza

This is a cozy and intimate position for those of you out there who have bathtubs.  It’s fairly simple but there are a couple things you can do to put a twist on it.

You start off by having the husband and wife both enter the tub.  The husband sits down first, legs outstretched.  The wife straddles him and is able to insert his penis.  At this point both spouses raise their knees up so that their feet are flat on the bottom of the tub.  You are now ready to make love in the tub.

For a little something different, try having you both lock arms with each other under both of your knees!  Thrusting will be similar to rocking into each other.

Pros: Very intimate position that allows for cuddling and kissing.

Cons: You may need a silicone-based lubricant for water sex.  You will be confined to a small space.

Throwback Thursdays: Sex Survey for Spouses

We originally saw this survey on The Marriage Bed Forum (see link to TMB in blogroll) and while we do have it on our blog in the comment section of one of our articles it didn’t have it’s own article until now.

The questionnaire below can be filled out and shared with your spouse on an evening away. You can also fill out the answers trade sheets and spend the next few weeks surprising each other. The key is to get talking often simple things are hard to reveal. Some questions use the code at the top of each section, some questions are fill in the blank ,some leave you a place to check your choice and some give you a place to write. Remember the more open and secure we can be with each other the stronger our relationship and the better the sex. Why are you waiting get going!!!

(insert L= like, WL= would like, DNL= do not like, SL= sometimes like)
I ____ share my fantasies with my partner
I ____ to have sex ___ daily, ___ 2x week, ___ 3x week, ___ 1x week, ___ never stop
I ____ being ravished
I ____ sex in the ___morning, ___afternoon, ___evening best
I ____ to find my partner naked ready for sex
I need to have more sex ___yes, ___ no
I need less sex than my spouse ___often, ___sometimes, ___ never
When my spouse rubs, massages my ______ I want sex instantly
My partner’s satisfaction is just as important as mine __always , __sometimes, __never
I am turned on when my spouse tells me they love me by ___________
I have a lot of fantasies __yes __no
I feel comfortable sharing my fantasies with my spouse ___ yes, ___no

(insert L= like, WL= would like, DNL= do not like, SL= sometimes like)
I ____ it really slow and erotic with lots of touching
I ____ to give my spouse massages
I ____ to shower with my spouse
I ____ to see my spouse partially clothed
I ____ my nipples pinched massaged squeezed
I ____ to watch my spouse masturbate
I ____ to masturbate
I ____ to mutually masturbate with my spouse
I ____ when my spouse offers themselves to me

(insert L= like, WL= would like, DNL= do not like, SL= sometimes like)
I ____ it when my partner tells me they are not wearing underwear
I ____ my partner to wear something I can tear off them
I ____ my partner to dress scantly
I ____ to see my spouse in a thong
I ____ exposing parts of my body to attract attention
I ____ my spouse to wear a skirt with crotch less panties / hose

(insert L= like, WL= would like, DNL= do not like, SL= sometimes like)
I ____ the missionary position
I ____ to be on the bottom
I ____ to 69
I ____ the woman on top facing away
I ____ to be on top
I ____ anal sex
I ____ it Doggy style
I ____ side by side

(insert L= like, WL= would like, DNL= do not like, SL= sometimes like)
I ____ sex in the shower
I ____ sex on the dining room table
I ____ sex on the kitchen counter
I ____ sex in an office
I ____ sex in the living room
I ____ sex in cars or vans
I ____ sex outdoors
I ____ sex in the pool
I ____ sex in the hot tub

(insert L= like, WL= would like, DNL= do not like, SL= sometimes like)
I ____ my spouse to make noise during sex
I ____ talking dirty to my spouse
I ____ to make my spouse yell out with passion during sex
I ____ it when my spouse uses short phrases like YES, Faster, Harder, repeatedly
I ____ it when my spouse tells me to _____ them now

I climax stronger and faster when my spouse talks dirty ___ yes, ___ no
I am turned off when my spouse talks dirty ___ yes, ___ no
I am turned on when my spouse talks dirty ___ yes, ___ no
I am turned off when my spouse use clinical terms ___ yes, ___ no

(insert L= like, WL= would like, DNL= do not like, SL= sometimes like)
I ____ to finger my spouse to orgasm
I ____ to be fingered to orgasm
I ____ giving oral sex
I ____ receiving oral sex
I ____ my spouse to perform oral sex without my asking

(insert L= like, WL= would like, DNL= do not like, SL= sometimes like)
I ____ to skinny dip
I ____ to use a vibrator
I ____ to use lube
I ____ to eat ____ fruit off your naked body
I can’t stand it when the dog or cat is watching us have sex ___ yes, ___ no
My favorite thing you wear to tell me you want sex is _______
My favorite food to play with during sex is __________
I like sex best when we ___________
The best time we had sex was __________

August 26, 2009

“You made my dreams come true”

I heard this from him last week.  It was one of the proudest moments I have felt in a long time.

I can only speak for my husband, but I am sure just about all married men have something in mind that if their wife would do it for them, it would be like a dream he had coming true.  Wives isn’t that what it’s all about?  Doing something for our husbands that is so giving that he feels like his best dream came true?  It’s exactly what Jesus did for us.  Our sin on this earth keeps us from the biggest dream come true ever.   The promise of eternity in heaven with God.  There isn’t any way that we can earn it back. We can never do enough good to receive that promise.  We blow it every day.  But God knew we would do that before we were even created and he made a way.  His Son, Jesus Christ, the Messiah…the Savior of the world.   He came down from heaven and sacrificed his very life so that this dream of ours, heaven, could be attained.   All we had to do is believe in Him… call on him to be our personal Savior.

So, why did my hubby say this?  To him, the ultimate gift I could give him was oral sex.  I am not always the #1 fan of oral sex, but my brain was buzzing that night (like his does on a daily basis) and since we couldn’t have intercourse due to a heavy flow day, I took him orally.   I took him very deeply orally…something I usually cannot do due to a really bad gag reflex.   It was something that I chose to freely give, and before we fell asleep, he uttered these words, “You just made my dream come true.”  That meant the world to me.

It’s really important that we put our spouse before ourselves.  In light of my post last week about  my recent discovery of my own perimenopausal vaginal atrophy, we hadn’t been able to have intercourse in almost a month.   I know how hard it is for him.  He doesn’t want to make me feel bad because it is really something beyond my control, but I wanted to do something for him that would show my appreciation for his patience and loving nature during all of this.

Have you ever made your husband’s dream come true?  What would it take for you to do it for him?  Trust me, if you haven’t experienced the joy in doing something this special for your husband, make a plan to do so.  It will bless you as well as bless him.