Archives

Throwback Thursdays: Eating Seductively

I am going to make a list of words and I want you to say, to yourself or out loud, what basic human need I am describing.  Ready?  Here we go hunger, appetite, craving, spice, heat………..OK, what’s the first thing to pop into your head?  Sex?  Food?  Both of these needs can be described with similar, if not identical words.  My girl, Sugar and Spice, has already made a post on aphrodisiacs and I’m going to talk more about eating in a seductive manner.

If you are trying to seduce your husband my first words of advice is to loose the silverware and stick mainly to finger foods.  There is something highly erotic about licking the juices off  your lips or fingers.  Imagine yourself placing a piece of juicy fruit into your husband’s mouth and then slowly and deliberately licking/sucking your own fingers.   If you want to start off with something easy you could always begin by eating something phallic shaped.  A banana, popsicle, celery, asparagus …..many foods are phallic shaped.  Take some cherries or grapes and dangle them over your mouth while your tongue plays with them or gently suck on one of them.  I guarantee that your husband will need to pick his jaw up off the floor.  Whipped cream, frosting, chocolate sauces are all fun to play with.  Just dribble them at a desired location and have yourself a yummy treat and a very happy hubby.

I could go on and on with the possibilities because I believe that every food can be eaten in a seductive manner.  It’s mostly the attitude you have while you are consuming your food.  Look at your husband and talk with your eyes.  You may not even need to say a word for him to interpret your look as you saying “I am pretending this food is really you that I am eating and you taste delicious”.   You could even suck on a straw in a way that gets his fire going.

Try thinking outside the box and use your imagination to help yourself think and feel sexy.  It doesn’t take much for my imagination to kick into gear.  I was watching my husband pay bills one day.  Suddenly he looked up at me while licking an envelope and I could not for the life of me take my eyes off of him.  I sat there all eager for him to start licking the stamps.  I think those self adhesive envelopes and stamps are two of the worst things invented.   Thank God we will always have ice cream cones.

original article

Photobucket

Throwback Thursdays: “Submit Dates”

“If anyone here watches a certain daytime talk show host who is mega wealthy.  She had a two-part show with a so-called sexpert on who had a neat idea.  A “submit date” for a lack of better terms.  She was counseling a dominant female and a submissive male, not in an S&M sense but more in an extrovert introvert sense.  The couple had to go on a date where the man chose everything down to what the lady wore out for the evening and she had to let him.  I was just wondering if any of you saw it and what your thoughts were on this.  My wife is a real planner and I do that kind of thing for a living so when I get home I often do not feel like making a lot of decisions.  She and I have been talking about going on one of these dates ever since.  We think it may be interesting if only for the fact that it would get both of us out of our comfort zone and change up the routine. What are your thoughts?  Any ideas on how to make this fun?”

First of all I do not watch that mega wealthy daytime talk show host.  However, a ‘submit date’ sounds very intriguing!  Surely we can think of some ideas to go along with this!  Let’s look at a ‘submit date’ and come up with a list of things that the dominant spouse could get to decide on:

  • Day and time of date
  • Childcare arrangements
  • Attire for both of you
  • Whether or not you will wear undies or lingerie under clothes
  • Vehicle to use
  • Music to listen to in vehicle
  • Dinner reservations or arrangements
  • What you both will eat
  • Where you go after dinner
  • What movie you see
  • Who will drive
  • Whether cell phones are allowed on date
  • When sex will happen on date
  • Where sex will happen on date
  • What positions will be used
  • Who gets to orgasm first
  • How many times sex will happen
  • Sexual techniques
  • If you shower together beforehand or afterward

Oh the ideas could be endless!  I am a planner.  I like things to be organized and planned well in advance, so for me to hand over the ‘power’ so to speak, to my husband, would be… a huge step for me.  That would definitely be out of my comfort zone.  In fact, he probably wouldn’t believe me if I told him I’d be willing to do this! :lol:

If any of you get the courage to try out a date such as this, please write in and let us know how it goes!  I’d love to hear from people who have gone through with it.  Maybe you could share some tips with the rest of us!

 original article

Throwback Thursdays: Ripped Panties (A Tutorial)

One thing that can be really passionate in the bedroom is having your husband RIP your panties off of you just before you make love.  But sometimes the fabrics are too hard to rip and sometimes your panties are too expensive to throw away!  If you are interested in adding this spice to your bedroom, then listen up to some quick and easy tips that will make it easy for you and your husband!

First off, you need to find some sexy panties (thongs work the best but any kind will do) really cheap.  Make sure that you KNOW they will fit you well, and then buy lots of them.  I found some lacy thongs on sale one time for $1/each.  There were just tons of thongs all thrown on a large display table in the middle of the lingerie dept.  I think I bought 25 or so that day!

Now, once you get home, put a pair on and stand in front of the mirror.  Imagine that you and your husband are making out and you want him to be able to just RIP those panties off of you so that you two can make passionate love!  In order to make it easier for him (and to make sure that he doesn’t hurt you in the process) you need a pair of fingernail clippers or scissors.  A knife will work but fingernail clippers or scissors work better.

You start out with a pair of panties.

Mint Green Thong

Then you want to cut one side of them to the point that they are just holding together by a couple of strings.  It makes a very discreet cut that is barely noticeable.

Top left side cut.

Thongs are the easiest, but you can also do the same exact thing to other types of panties.  Here is a pair of black lacy boyshorts:

Boyshorts

I cut them from the bottom up to the top, because I will need the waistband to help them stay on me.  I did it on the left side because my husband is right handed.

Cut up the left side.

But I did cut part of the waist band and left it hanging on by just a couple of strings, so that it would be easy for my husband to rip them off of me:

Up close view of cut.

Doing the above steps will still allow you to wear your undies on your date or special night.  You just leave enough of a waistband to hold them on you.  But you cut enough of them to make it easy for your husband to rip them off you in the heat of the moment.

What would be fun is to do the above steps without telling your husband.  (you may want to make a cut on the left and right sides to make sure that whatever side he grabs will rip) Then when things are heating up , you simply tell him something like “Rip off my panties and take me now!”  (or something to that effect) and see if he’ll really try to rip them off of you!  Won’t he feel pretty studly after doing that!

Or, of course you can tell him that you found this tutorial on CN and that you’d like to try it sometime and see how it works.  This could easily fit in with pre-arranged positions and such too.  For example, if you know that your husband loves to turn you over and take you from behind, then you can cut your panties in the back, so that he can turn you over and then rip them off of you from behind!

Just another little thing I thought I’d throw your way.  Try it and see how it works for you, and if you have any other tips or tricks for this type of thing, then leave your suggestions in the comment box for the rest of us!

original article

Throwback Thursdays: The Importance of Thinking Sex

It may surprise you that although the CN girls are all focused on loving our husbands well and building deep intimacy in our marriages, some of us still sometimes have trouble keeping our drive up. I am one of them. If I get distracted because life gets busy or if  I expend too much energy on other things, it is easy for me to find myself struggling with a lower drive. And in my marriage my husband is the same way. If he is under a lot of stress or distracted by life he also finds that his drive is lower.

The best trick I have learned for changing the downward spiral in sex drive to an upward spiral is to make it a priority to think sex. Assuming that my husband is loving me well, because this is not as easy if I am feeling unloved, sometimes sexual arousal begins with a choice. A choice to think about your husband in a sexual way. If you find yourself in a place of apathy towards sex it really helps to focus your mind on sex with your husband. You might be going through your day caring for your kids and taking care of life, but if you take a moment to think ahead to the evening when you have the house or your room to yourself it can really help. Think about snuggling on the couch to watch TV or however you tend to spend your evenings at home and take it a step further to mentally choose that once you are there you are going to be an active participant in whatever happens.

After you have made this choice, it’s a really good idea to communicate what you are thinking to your husband so he can be involved in meeting you where you are at and you can journey through this mental foreplay together. Email, text or call him and let him know that you are looking forward to being with him in the evening. He’ll enjoy being involved in the process.

It may not sound as romantic as being swept away in emotional attraction, but if the alternative is continuing to allow yourself to be satisfied with less sex than is healthy for your marriage, thinking sex is a really good way to refocus you on sexual intimacy.

original article

Throwback Thursdays: Pet Names

“My hubby likes me to call him Daddy and he calls me Baby Girl, and My Girl when we are in bed … I am okay with it mostly, but I have had people question its appropriateness … implying there is something REALLY WRONG with it.  What do you think?”

First of all, I’d have no problem in telling those friends to butt out.  It’s my marriage and my husband and whatever pet names we choose to call each other is my business.  They can keep their judgments to themselves or hit the road.  (That’s just the way I roll :lol: )  You may not be as bold or you may not want to come off so rude, or you may care too much about their friendships to risk losing them.  So how you handle your friends is up to you.

For further insight though… experience may play a key role here.  Others may have some major issues with this because of past trauma or abuse.  Imagine the woman who was molested as a child by a ‘father figure’ or the woman who was beaten by an abusive husband and made to call him “daddy.”   The thoughts of calling their now husband “daddy” may be the furthest thing from their minds.  It could be revolting for them, and they may not understand at all how you could find that to be a ‘normal loving pet name’ for your dh.  So I would try and be aware of and sensitive to my friends’ situations.

As far as the issue of pet names goes… again that is between you and your husband.  I think it’s totally fine.  I call my dh “daddy” all the time because that is what I call him around the kids “Go ask daddy.”  “Daddy, can you make him a PB sandwich?”  That type of thing.  So even when the kids are gone I will sometimes call him that out of habit (and yes, I’ve used that term in bed a few times too…not as if I’m calling him my daddy, but just calling him that because he is the daddy of our children and that’s his role).  If you and your husband find those pet names to be loving towards each other then don’t allow others to rob you of your joy.  Just my opinion :)

original article

Throwback Thursdays: Flirting

What do you all do to flirt with your husbands to lead to sex
or to simply flirt to show playfulness and interest in him still?

I thought this would be a fun discussion. I really believe that flirting throughout the day is important. It helps me to be mindful of my husband as more than just another being in our home when he and I take the time to be playful and affectionate.

How do you define flirting? To me it is being intentional about giving subtle cues that you want your spouse to draw close to you. Is your husband going to catch every cue. Probably not. Please don’t be upset by that. Flirting is a playful, fun game. Like yesterday at dinner my husband and I ended up sitting on the same side of the table. This doesn’t usually happen, but our kids had set up their own little kids’ table so we were able to sit side by side. At one point I said something and rubbed his inner thigh and then took my hand away. He grabbed my hand and brought it back. It worked, but not every cue is received, even the more obvious ones sometimes.

So what kind of flirting have you discovered to be enjoyable and effective? Hand holding. Undoing a button on your shirt. Leaving a note for him to find during the day. What flirting ideas have you enjoyed the most and which ones get results? Do you find that there are things which your husband does that work to make you draw close to him, but that don’t work so well when you do the same for him? Which things work for both of you?

I liked how the question which sparked this discussion was phrased. If you are a couple who enjoys flirting, do you reserve it primarily as immediate foreplay or is it sprinkled in throughout the day? For me, flirting during the day can be the difference between a night of sex or not. It’s that important. It’s important for me to see him doing it and it’s important for me to be intentional about doing it for him too.

So what do you think? I’d love to hear what you all have enjoyed most in your flirtatious acts towards your husband.

original article

Throwback Thursdays: What Do I Do About My Husband’s Porn Problem?

Awhile ago we received an email from a wife who wanted some support in her marriage. She has been growing in her sexual relationship with her husband and has been trying new things, but all the while she didn’t realize that he was involving himself with pornography. Things seemed to improve for a while, but then he started using pornography again and doesn’t see why there is anything wrong with it. At one point they were enjoying some private erotic videotaping, but she is starting to feel bad about those times:

I am wondering. I am finding that I don’t like making these movies. I feel like he is trying to turn me into a type of porn girl. I find I am getting angry. Something about him, I don’t like. I just don’t know exactly why I don’t like it. I just feel sick. I feel like the feeling you get when you watch a porn movie. Sadly, now, I don’t know how to tell him.

This is a multi-layered problem. To begin with, most likely the photography sessions are about him trying to make you into his fantasy and not about celebrating who you already are and that is why you are feeling uncomfortable. Now, there is nothing wrong with enjoying some fantasy, but if he can not enjoy you without it then it has grown to an unhealthy level.

Similarly, he is viewing you now on every level through the lens of pornography. That anyone could believe that we can separate sexual images into compartments and save the porn ones just for porn and the marriage ones just for marriage is a great deception. The only way we can be free from those images and memories is that God would cleanse them from us. It requires us to come to Him in humility so if a person is still living in their sin without acknowledging it for what it truly is, you should not be convinced by any promises that their pornography doesn’t affect you or your relationship.

My recommendation is that if your husband is living in the sin of pornography you not be afraid of sounding like a “nag” by dealing with the issue. That doesn’t mean you talk about it constantly, but if something needs to be discussed, don’t be afraid to talk about it. On the other hand, I have another friend who reached a certain point that she was done talking and needed her husband to want to deal with it. The point is that she didn’t stop talking about it because she was afraid. It was because she needed to see that it was important to her husband. And while she waited for him to initiate a conversation about it, they did not have sex.

I recently wrote an article on Living with a Refuser and in it I mentioned that there are limited situations where I believe it is appropriate to withhold sex in a marriage. A spouse who is living in sexual sin falls into this category. While I don’t think a husband who occasionally gives in to temptation to look at porn should automatically be refused sex, I do think that it is appropriate to consider it when they are viewing it regularly without repentance or accountability.

These are the steps I would take if my husband had a pornography addiction that he was not dealing with.

1. PRAY PRAY PRAY. And get other trusted mentors to pray with you. Be selective about who you ask to support you, but it is reasonable to need someone to stand with you. He needs a heart change if he thinks there is nothing wrong with looking at porn. God is the only one who can change him. When God changes his heart, his behavior with follow. Ask God for wisdom. Ask God to open his eyes to see this sin as He does. And guard your heart against bitterness. Connect deeply to the heart of God and find your identity in Him.

2. Be clear with him about why it is damaging to me and our relationship. While the porn problem isn’t about you, it does most certainly affect you. He would have the problem with or without you, but the influence of pornography on his sexual relationship with you is going to cause pain and keep the two of you from experiencing all that God has for you. Tell him that, your own feelings aside, his problem keeps him from being able to receive what God has for him in his relationship with Jesus. Don’t be afraid to talk about it.

3. Tell a godly man in his life about the problem. Talk to a pastor or other godly man because your voice can not be the only voice he hears that tells him he needs to get free from this. This is not a betrayal. Your husband is the one who is not honoring his vows to you.

Note: These next steps may not work unless the man has had a heart change and wants to be free from pornography’s grasp on him. They will only be band-aid solutions until that time.

4. Require him to get into accountability relationships. He needs men who will mentor him to live with sexual integrity. These men and your husband will need to be willing to ask and answer tough questions and meet on a regular basis.

5. Have a filter installed on the computer.There are a variety of different filters you could opt to use, but one of the ones I liked the best in my brief research is Covenant Eyes. It will not only block out pornographic images on websites, but it also keeps a log of the web history which can be emailed to an accountability partner. A free filter that some people are using is K9. You might consider that one too.

So much of our culture screams at men that it is normal to look at porn. The truth is that it robs us from experiencing a more exciting sexual relationship in our marriage. It is a very common battle for Christian men to try to break free from pornography’s grasp on them. I pray that the women who read our blog who are married to such men, that today you would have greater strength, greater peace and that your husband would have a greater breakthrough. Love ya sisters!

original article