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I love him because…

It is so very easy to look at our husbands and see the bad….admit it, sometimes we see the dirty clothes all over the floor, the toothpaste tube squeezed from the middle, the kids need baths and he’s watching football on tv, I made this wonderful dinner and he didn’t even bother to call me to tell me he was late!   All of these things compound up, day after day, but have you taken the time to look for the positive?

Love, what is it?  A feeling?  No.   Feelings come and go like waves lapping on the beach.   Love is a commitment.  Love works through that laundry on the floor and sees the man who fixed your washing machine so you don’t have to drag all your unmentionables back down to the laundrymat again this week.   Love looks past all the wrongs, the faults, the sin…and sees him through God’s eyes.   A cherished human being that God sacrificed his Son for.  Agape.  That’s what love is.   It’s not a crush, you don’t love him like ice cream (well, maybe you do…), but it’s self sacrificing love.

Here’s my challenge to you.   Sit down and instead of writing down all his faults, take a moment and finish this statement with 10 answers

I love him because….

Here’s mine…in no particular order

I love him because….

1.  he loves me unconditionally.

2.  he can do anything he sets his mind to.

3.  he is a wonderful father to our two children.

4. he is a gentle and thoughtful lover.

5.  he is so devoted to his family.

6.  he works 6 days a week to provide for us and to care for his ailing father.

7.  he calls me sexy on a daily basis.

8.  he pursued me relentlessly, and helped me to see he was whom God intended for me.

9.  he would never leave me or forsake me for any reason.

1o.  he’s my best friend.

Can you do it?   If you don’t want to post it in the comment section, write them out and put it in a special place where he’ll find it.  You will make his day!  Happy writing!!  :)

spicynutmeg

Ten Things to Never Say During a Fight

I read articles on Yahoo, since that is where my email is, and I came across this one about what not to say during a fight.     Now, granted, I am blessed that my husband and I don’t fight often at all.   We may have disagreements, but they are usually settled in a reasonable fashion without raised voices or heated arguments.   BUT there have been occasions, especially in light of my parents situations, where I have not been my best.  Yes, right after I got the news, the very next day I did explode on my husband.   One of those that I realized the next morning, that I really did him wrong, and it wasn’t his fault kinda things, and I apologized.  (Yes, I let the sun go down on my anger, too)  After reading this, I am guilty of using some of these in the past though.

“I want a divorce” –  not in these words, but I have said something to the effect maybe I should leave and stay where I go…. definitely not a winner on my part.

“I am not mad at you” – I think I have learned enough “I’m not mad, I am disappointed.” or other catch phrases.  Body language holds a big thing in this.  I have rolled my eyes.  Slammed doors.    It’s always best to cool down before entering into a discussion about what is upsetting you.

“You are just like your father.” – I am so guilty of saying this in the past.   He doesn’t like this one single bit.  He doesn’t consider  himself anything like his father nor does he ever want to be considered like his father.  He’s his own man.   There are times I DO see traits in him that his father displays, but it’s best not to even go down that road in a fight… it makes it worse in my house.

“You’re such a jerk/coward/expletive of choice” – name calling just isn’t right.  It cuts people to the core.  Remember the old saying as kids, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.”?   Well, words hurt MORE than any broken bone. It’s just best to give yourself a timeout to catch your breath and get in a better place if you’ve let yourself go this far.

“Look, now the baby is upset, too” – not just babies get upset when parents argue…kids of ALL ages do.  I am sure it would upset our 10 and 17 year old to hear us fight.   Which is why if we do, they are not in the room or we leave the room.   Or we just again give ourself a timeout to cool off.

“You did the same thing last time” – there is no sense in bringing things up over and over again.  If you’ve forgiven last time, then don’t bring it back up.  It proves to your spouse that you didn’t really forgive in the first place.

“You’re always late” – I tell my kids to stop using “always” and “never” in an argument because they aren’t always true!

“Why are you mad?” – He’s allowed to have a bad day, just like you are.   Give some berth, time to cool down.   With my hubby, it’s probably that his favorite baseball team screwed something up and he’s just in a mood for a bit.  It passes.  We have our emotions, too, and it would irk us to always be asked that question, too.  Not worth opening Pandora’s box…once it’s open, you can’t put it back.

“You need to talk to me right now” – Um, no.  I don’t.  Maybe I need a timeout.  Maybe he needs a time out.  Maybe you should just make an appointment to talk later.   You might get wrath that makes things worse.  People don’t like being told what to do… they like to be asked.

“This is all your fault.” – again, just like never and always, it is NEVER all his fault.  It takes two to tango.  And a lot of time when I might *feel* like it is his fault, and God opens my heart and my eyes to see that, nope, part of the fault may be mine, or ALL of the fault may be mine… I just don’t want to accept that I could be at fault.

All 10 of these can be damaging to your sex life… go to bed mad and intimacy goes right out the door.   Unless it is for make up sex. 😉

What are your thoughts?

Honoring Your Spouse

I was reading some of the blogs that I subscribe to, and I came upon this one….  I am on Facebook daily (duh).  There is so many people who see your Facebook page.  Unfortunately, today, I saw a friend post something very negative about his wife for all his friends to see… Now, actually, I have no clue right now what is going on in their marriage.  I see them very infrequently anymore, but it was something that I thought… wow, even if this is true, this surely isn’t how to handle whatever the situation is that lead up to this.

Our society is getting to the point where it is downgrading our men like crazy.  Commercials on TV making the husband look like a dimwit compared to his wife.   I am sure we can list a lot of ways that Satan is waging war on our men.    Facebook is one of the places where we can see this.     Let me challenge you, if you don’t do so already, to put some very uplifting statuses on your Facebook page about your husband.   Let me give you some examples of ones I have put on mine….

What a way to spend your anniversary, and it’s just started! Happy anniversary to my better half.     Eighteen years he’s stuck with me. I love you, babe. Hoping for many, many, many more years with you. You rock!” – June 2013

God truly blessed me with <my hubby> . Almost 18 years!! – April 2013

I am married to my best friend. Thought you’d want to know … Love you!! –  February 2013

#2: I am thankful for my husband of 17 years. <Hubby> loves me through thick and thin, good and bad, and is so faithfully devoted to me. I love you, and I thank God daily for bringing you into my life. – Nov. 2012

I love this day in history. My wonderful husband was born on this day. So grateful to God that he brought this wonderful man into my life and saved him just for me. I don’t want to live my life with anyone else. Happy birthday! I love you! –  July  2012

17 years ago today, I married the man of my dreams… my tall, dark and handsome. He still is the man of my dreams, he rocks my world, and I love him more today than I did on our wedding day. Happy anniversary. God blessed me more than I deserve when he brought you to me. My covenant with you remains forever and always. I love you!! – June 2012

So, this helps me remember that I need to do this a little more frequently, but wouldn’t it make YOUR day if you found a sweet message posted about you from your hubby on your FB?

spicynutmeg

Is Abstinence training giving Christian sex a bad reputation?

This past weekend, I found this article that I started reading because at first I was in full disagreement with it.  It can be found here.

As I began reading this article, I got a really bad taste in my mouth.  BUT I decided to try to keep my opinion neutral until I read the whole article.  I don’t know much about Relevant magazine, but I read on.

There are parts of it that I disagree with, and there are parts of it that I do agree with, and I thought it was worth taking the time to discuss it.

My husband and I will teach abstinence to our children.  We know FIRST HAND what can happen to a marriage where you did not save yourself for your spouse.   The first 11 years were a BIG struggle, but I let Satan take root in my past and cause so much pain to my husband, BUT my husband was NOT willing to give up the fight for our  marriage over sex.   He was ready to GIVE IT ALL UP for our marriage.   This is what we will include in our abstinence talks with our kids… that yes, you need to keep your purity for your spouse, but when you DO choose someone to spend your life with, that sex can be a wonderful gift, but you also need to realize that it WON’T be Hollywood style sex from your wedding night until death do you part.   It is not easy.  It isn’t always mind blowing.  It is a give and take.   It is a only a part of your marriage, it isn’t the ONLY thing in your marriage.   I am so eternally grateful that my husband valued our marriage over sex.   We could be living a sexless marriage, but a HAPPY marriage if God hadn’t intervened.    Sex is like an experiment.  If you get all the right ingredients in the right proportions, you’ll love it.  If you don’t communicate that something doesn’t feel right… something hurts… something stimulates you in a wrong way…. then it’s like a science experiment that will blow up in your face.

BUT if you have saved yourself for marriage, how do you know what is good sex and what is bad?  It is up to the newly married couple to MAKE it so.    It doesn’t mean that one partner is “good in bed” and the other isn’t.    I loved reading the COMMENTS back to this article, and that is where I got the most pleasure of reading the article.  The people who countered her.

I clicked the link to the article she was basically quoting…. Jessica  Henriquez’ story.  Jessica was 19-20ish when she married.  While I feel sorry for her that she went into marriage with the wrong impression, she, in a way, has the right idea in the end of her article… to a very small degree.  Here’s a quote from it “The key is to figure that out before you find yourself walking down an aisle in a dress that costs more than the family car (my mother has since reminded me). It isn’t the most important thing when it comes to love…  AHA   Yes, there is more to marriage than sex, the key is to really understand what you and your fiance expect.  Find it out BEFORE you get married.   Find out if you are on the same page and are willing to work it out …. Jessica checked out of sex from the beginning of her marriage and misled her husband into thinking she was into it.   She should have started communicating to him what she  needed.  What was wrong.  What could they do to make it better for HER since it was obvious it was good for him.  She ends her quote the totally wrong way though…. “But for me, I learned that sex is important enough not to wait.”

If either of my kids were to ask about my past, I would be truthful with them.  I had too many partners before I met my husband and honestly, he was one of them.   I wished that I had saved myself for him, but it didn’t work out that way.  Communication is the key to any marriage.  Have fun in your marriage bed.  Laugh at your mistakes and try again.   Neither one of you is “incompatible” with the other.  The bond between you, your spouse and your Lord and Savior are all you need to help you with ANY issue that comes up in your marriage.

Here’s my true thoughts.  Save yourself for marriage.  Get GOOD premarital counseling that includes what to expect sexually and how God intends sex to be.  If you go through counseling and DO NOT get counseling in this area, find another counselor!  Choose your spouse wisely.  Talk with your fiance about sex after marriage.  What do you expect?  What does he expect?  How can you work together?  What if there are difficulties in the first few nights?  Weeks?  Months?  Years?  What are you going to do?   Is divorce EVER an option over sex?  I loved the commenter who said that you don’t need “Desperate Housewives” or porn to coach you.   You are NOT incompatible with your spouse.  Incompatibility means that it will never work out…square peg in a round hole.  All issues can be worked out.  God placed you together, don’t ignore that fact.  If Jessica were “incompatible” with her husband at the time, it was by her choice, not by God’s design.  Ignore Hollywood sex.  It doesn’t always work that way.   Find you a good supportive church with people willing to help counsel you.  I would love someday to be a couple that helps counsel other married couples in our church.  In the meantime, I attempt to offer help and guidance here, but mark my words, I will never tell you to divorce over sex.   Marriage is so much more than that.   Be willing to compromise.  Use the Bible as your guide.  The TRUTH is in that book.   If it isn’t biblical, don’t do it.   God wants you to save yourself for marriage.

spicynutmeg