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Married and Sexy?

I read a blog entry called Married, Saved and Still Sexy, and I can actually say that I wish I had the same kind of women friends that this author does!  It sounds really cool to be in her circle!

Unfortunately in most of my circle of friends, it seems taboo to talk about married sexuality.   My dear, Christian friends, if we cannot talk about married sex, how in the world do our younger generations of believers learn that it is OKAY to enjoy sex once you are married??  I don’t mean about going into detail about what you and your DH do in bed, but just praising with the angels and your friends when things are going well in your marriage bed, and offering guidance and assistance to friends when maybe things aren’t going so great.   I love the passage in Titus 2 about Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

So, I love to read blogs where they are in line with what I believe in.  That God intended the marriage bed to be not only pure and holy, but wild and sexy, too!  SO what can we do to continue to spread this good news to others?   How many blogs such as mine do you read and spread the word on?

~Spicy~

Something very rare….

Something very rare in this day and age happened this past weekend…. my parents celebrated their 47th wedding anniversary!  They have been through so much over the years together… unemployment, cancer, raising kids, helping raise grandkids, lots of health issues…. not once did I ever hear them talk of divorce through all of this.  Their faith in the covenant that God joined them in was enough.  That promise to God and to each other made every day worth fighting for.  I love my parents dearly and thank God for such a wonderful example of what marriage truly is.

That also leads me to a blog that I read today about serving your spouse.   You can read it here.  Society today is so me centered, so to some the thought of putting someone else’s needs before your own is a totally foreign concept.  What’s in it for me?   What you don’t realize is that there is SO much in it for you if you do it with the right attitude.

My hubby is the best.  He really is.   No, seriously.   He is.  There isn’t enough time to tell you all the reasons that I think this.   I went through a period of time though that I wasn’t very good to him at all.    I was so totally and completely selfish and it truly hurt our relationship, but he didn’t give up.  Once the revelation came that I was selfish, I wanted to fix it.   I read articles, like the one I linked to above, about serving.  At first, I didn’t have the best attitude about it.   But in the past year, I’ve noticed a big change in myself…. I really enjoy doing things for him….not because I expect something in return, just because it feels good to do it, and I love making him feel good.    It’s really amazing how much it blesses our marriage.

So after reading the article, are you giving in your marriage?  In what ways do you enjoy serving your husband?

 

 

How would your husband respond?

Okay, I was perusing news articles on Yahoo tonight while waiting for my honey to get home, and I found this article…..

Six Secret Turn On’s for Men

As I read the article, it suggested there were 6 things that we try not to do that are actual turn ons for men.  Here is a brief synopsis….

1.  He loves that you indulge at dinnertime.  Guys love women who like to eat — not ladies who say they aren’t hungry and then pick at their date’s food all night.

2. He loves your occasional outbursts.    You may worry that it’s not ladylike, but occasionally letting a curse or rant escape your lips at an unexpected moment can be a major turn-on.

3. He loves that you aren’t a neat freak.  Believe it or not, guys find the proliferation of hair products, accessories and unidentified stuff strewn about your apartment oddly endearing.

4. He loves your extra paddingSure, you’ve heard that men love women with curves, but how about those extra pounds you’ve been trying to sweat off at the gym? There’s a good chance that your guy loves them, too.

5. He’s fascinated by your knowledge of the things you’re passionate about.   A man becomes fascinated by whatever it is that gets you all hot and bothered — regardless of whether or not he shares the same interests.

6. He loves a good head rub from youDon’t get me wrong — men love it when you grope their erogenous zones. But that’s not the only type of touch they crave.

Okay, when he got home, I asked my husband what he thought about this article’s suggestion of “turn ons”…. did he agree or disagree.   See, I don’t consider him a “typical male”  (Try it, ladies.  Ask your hubby to read it with you to see what he thinks.)    Mr. Nutmeg went through and said, “nope.  nope.  nope.  nope.  nope.  nope.”  (I kinda thought he would).  While he said some of them he could “slightly” agree with, but for the most part, he didn’t agree with them at all.  So then, I gave him some homework.  I asked him if he could rewrite the article, so to speak, how would HE write it.   And he did.

Now here’s my challenge to you…. get your hubby’s opinion of the article first…. THEN have him read Mr. Nutmeg’s list and see which one he agrees with more.   Here’s Mr. N’s rewrite….

1. Like regular food.  It’s ok to like a Bacon cheeseburger, and ice cream for dessert.   Guys are not impressed (usually) by fancy foods we can’t pronounce or afford

2.  Don’t be afraid to laugh like you mean it at something stupid.  I still remember watching the Letterman show with Spicy, and we laughed so hard at something so stupid that we couldn’t breathe. (“hey, that lady is stealing napkins!”)

3. Don’t be afraid to show a little skin as a tease.  I love looking at Spicy’s cleavage and imagining what could happen later.  I’m not saying you have to dress like a slut, but showing your figure is a huge turn on.

4. Be intelligent.   Nothing is a bigger turn off than realizing the person you are with is brain dead.   Men know they need a partner that can handle things when they aren’t around, or it turns into a frustrating marriage.

5.  Sleep naked.  Nothing is a passion killer than seeing your wife come to bed in a tshirt and granny panties.   Conversely, seeing Spicy coming to bed buck naked gets my heart racing, because I know that at the very least, she’s not shutting out the possibility of some skin to skin contact as we go to sleep, and that can last all night and into the morning.  I can’t tell you how many times we have slept all night naked in each other’s arms, and that led to action either in the middle of the night, or first thing in the morning.  Ladies, if you complain that you husband won’t snuggle, ask yourself if you’re asking him to snuggle with you, or your baggy nightshirt.

6. Tell me you need me in a sexual way.    Text it, say it on the phone, or just tell me in person.   No bigger turn on in the world than sex out of  real desire, instead of sex out of obligation and duty

So, which does he agree with?  Let me know in the comment section below.  (PS…. do your homework on this one…. there’s a poll on it coming this Monday!)

How can I increase my desire for sex?

The answer to that question is more sex.

Think about it…. Here is my own experience…. over the past week, my dh and I have made love at least once a day, sometimes twice, skipping only one day.   The result… I can tell that my desire for him and my desire for sex is increasing!  I can be literally sitting here watching tv and my desire is increasing just being next to him.

I am not saying that this will work for everyone, but it really does work.  Coming into it, you can’t have a bad attitude about it…. “oh, Spicynutmeg says I HAVE to have sex more often…. here goes…”   Going into it with a positive attitude, especially if you really WANT you desire to increase to the point where you are having more LM time with your spouse, you just can’t treat it like a chore that you have to do like the dishes in the sink that need washing.   Pray that God would give you a good attitude about it.

You don’t have to be a high drive spouse or hope to become a high drive spouse over night, but if you want to feel the stirrings of desire, take the plunge.   Try it for just a week…. then maybe 2 weeks.  It really is a great experiment and I know that your hubby will love it.  Men love to be desired, and this is one way that you can show him how much you do desire him.

So… are you willing to give it a try?  I have a few more days until my next cycle is “supposed” to start, so we’ll give it all we’ve got until Aunt Flo arrives….who knows, she may be late like she is sometimes to give us some more time to have fun!

Make Up Sex

Okay, now I have got your attention…

DH and I just got through the most wonderful day of make up sex.   I thank God for his gift of sex, but I REALLY thank God for the gift of make up sex!

DH and I went through a few days of total miscommunication and lack of trust.  I am definitely a guilty party in this event, and we both spent a couple days avoiding each other, not talking to each other, going to bed at different times from each other so we could avoid each other even more, sleeping with our backs to each other.  Our original disagreement was totally off the wall.   I wanted to talk to him about something that had occurred and I wasn’t really crazy about.  So somehow, trying to talk to him, using “I feel like” terminology, turned into us both getting so angry at each other and he ended up leaving the room slamming the door.  It was crazy!  I was in tears all day.  Anything and everything made me cry.   I tried to talk it out with some of my Spice sisters (who are the best!) and I even caught myself saying something I truly never would even consider or do…..

Granted, I am still considering looking into talking to a counselor about issues that he brought up in our disagreement.  I know I have things that I need to work on.   But that’s not the point of this article…. 🙂

We had a break through on Tuesday.   We decided that when we were both home from work and our son was home from band practice, that we would go out grocery shopping so we would have time to talk.   And talk we did.  Worked out SO MUCH that should have been done on Sunday and would have saved a lot of stupidity on our part (lack of communication caused SO MUCH)…. that night, we shipped our DD off to bed, and DH announced he was taking a shower…. and while in the shower, I joined him.  That’s when the fireworks went off.

Now, I don’t recommend picking a fight every other day with your hubby just for the sex, but it was the most intimate time we have had with each other in a long time.   I was consumed with him, and he was with me as well.    It was an amazing night.

Your experiences?  I can’t explain the euphoria.  Even the following day, all I could think of was him at work.   I sent him suggestive texts in our text code… Wonderful.  Thank you, Lord for make up sex.  Wow.

Ransom notes

I was perusing around the internet, and reading on the Generous Wife (thanks, Lori, for a great blog!!) and I found the cutest idea that I want to throw at you….

Ransom notes.

I’m in the process of trying to think of ways that I can be a little more forthcoming.  I know that my husband would love it if I would initiate more often.  I’m just one of those gals who needs to get into the moment to really get into sex.  Not that I’m not married to a hunk…I love my husband and everything about him… I’m just not the type of woman who goes around horny all day.

The idea behind these notes is to take something of importance to your husband, leave a ransom note behind, telling him he can get said item back for something that you want/need.  One example given was to steal his clothes when he is in the shower and leave a ransom note that he can get them back after a romp!  Or how about the remote….. lol!  I think I would need to get pretty creative with my hubby.  He’d like that I am sure.

Have you ever done anything like this?  What did you hide/ransom?  What was his reaction?   My suggestion…. don’t steal his keys if he’s late for work…. or the remote when the baseball game is about to start….. I am sure we can all come up with some cool ways to make this happen!  So what do you think?

 

Sexual Revolution

Imagine this….a cold, wintery night….you and your dh, alone in a cabin in the Rocky Mountains.    Maybe you are snowed in.    There is  a huge fire in the fireplace, bear skin rug on the floor…. there is a warm glow in the room as the flames flicker higher and higher….the sexual tension is very high between the two of you.  It is hard to distinguish whether you are hot because of the flames in the fireplace or the flames inside your bodies.    You have anything at your disposal…your favorite lube, scented oils or lotion, romantic music, rose petals….you are beaming at your hubby, and he is beaming back…and above the both of you, God is watching and smiling.   There is about to be a revolution… a sexual revolution right in your own marriage bed.

When you hear the term “sexual revolution”, what do you think of?   Do you think of the 1960’s and sexual freedom?   Free love?  Wikipedia says this of the Sexual Revolution,

“The 1960s heralded a new culture of “free love” with millions of young people embracing the hippie ethos and preaching the power of love and the beauty of sex as a natural part of ordinary life. Hippies believed that sex was a natural biological phenomenon which should not be denied or repressed. Changes in attitudes reflected a perception that traditional views on sexuality were both hypocritical and chauvinistic.”

Wow.  Traditional views on sex are hypocritical?  Really?   In a Godless world, I can see that thought pattern being true, but Christian, we know better.   We know that the God of the universe created sex right along with the sun, moon and stars.

I started reading a bible study from Ed Young Ministries that I want to touch on in a series of articles.    It is aptly titled “Sexual Revolution”, but his revolution is much different that the thinking of the 60’s and 70’s.   In his study he asks us to renew our mind in the way we think of sex.  Romans 12:1-2 tells us

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Let me take you all the way back to the beginning…Genesis tells us the order in which God created things.   Genesis 1:24-25 tells us “And God said,

“Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind.” And it was so. God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good.”

So the animals are all created.   But you notice what comes next in verse 26-28?

“Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.

God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

Okay, I may be pretty dense here, just now realizing what this really means.   In the Sexual Revolution of the 60’s, people were degrading themselves as far as sex was concerned…remember when I said earlier “Hippies believed that sex was a natural biological phenomenon which should not be denied or repressed.” (Wikipedia)  Sex was being denigrated down to an animal level.  Animals don’t mate with only one partner for life.   Animals are after the carnal side of sex with which ever female will parade around them.    In the 60’s, we became like that and on into the 70’s.   Free love meant having sex with whomever we want, whenever we wanted to.  “Just do it!”, the world told us.  Well, it’s time for a new sexual revolution.  One in which the CHURCH steps up and fill in the blanks for who to, when to, and why to.

This blog was created to try to help start filling in these blanks.

Who to? One man and one woman in holy matrimony.   That means sex is meant for you during the union that God originally created in Genesis.   (Gen 2:23-24)   A man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife.   When we marry, our wedding present from God is our marriage bed.   I love the analogy that Ed gives in this bible study I am reading.   Our marriage bed should be like a fireplace.   Sex in our marriage bed should be hot, intimate and romantic, just like sitting in front of the fireplace on a cold night.   Now, what happens though when a spark gets outside the fireplace?  It could burn the place down, right?   Keep the fire safely inside your marriage bed and you will never have to worry about burning out your marriage.

When to? Once again, the when is when you are married.   God created us male and female to cover both the masculine and the feminine sides of Himself.   When the two become one flesh, we are worshiping God, and we become one like God.   God created us like him physically and spiritually, so when we are making love to our spouse we are reflecting the full nature and character of God.   Don’t settle for sex outside of marriage.  It is so much BIGGER and BETTER when you follow God’s plan for sex.

Why to? It is God’s gift to heterosexual married couples.   Marriage requires a life long commitment.  No matter what, the marriage is to be preserved. It is to be protected, supported and fought for.    It isn’t a one night stand.   It isn’t just a carnal urge that needs to be met for the night.   This is a commitment to God and to your spouse, and one that is not taken lightly.    God is committed to us for the duration, for the long haul.   We commit to our spouse that way as well.   This is a perfect gift that God created just for us.  The relationship that goes with sex as well.  When my dog goes into heat, every male dog in the neighborhood shows up.   Why?  Do they want a permanent relationship with her?  Nope, they just need to meet a carnal need inside of them.   Sex isn’t like that for us.   I do have one thought I want to pass by you… maybe in some ways those hippies were right….follow me for a minute….  Today, like those “hippies” of the past, wouldn’t you agree that millions of people should preach the power of love and the beauty of sex as a natural part of ordinary life?  Don’t you believe that sex is a natural biological phenomenon which should not be denied or repressed?  Dear ones, if we use sex in the context that God intended it, I have no problem with this kind of sexual revolution.   There is nothing wrong with sex.   There is nothing wrong with our bodies.   It’s how we use them.    Follow God’s plan for sex and be prepared for BIG sex.   If you follow the world’s view of sex, plan on getting burned.   There is no way on heaven or earth that it could possibly be as good as married sex.   No way.

As I finish up this bible study, I will write more on it.   I want to thank pastors like Ed Young for helping us to see that God wants us to have an OUTSTANDING sex life.   We need more pastors to tell us more than “Don’t do it.”   We need to hear God’s word about sex, this wonderful thing he has created.    If you are single, don’t get burned by the fire of sex.   Talk to God, seek out His will for you.   You are a sexual being just like those of us that are married.   Do your very best to save the fire for when you get married.  I took that fire of past mistakes into my marriage bed, and I got burned.   Don’t do what I did.  Seek God and His ultimate love and wisdom on this matter.   If, like me, you did get burned before you got married, God loves you and forgives you.   He can renew you and your marriage.   Keep the fire in your own marriage beds my dear one.   Adultery, pornography…these things will only burn you.

Speak the truth in love.   Be one of those people who speaks out on the truth of how God intends sex for us.   Let’s help the world renew their minds on sex and start a new Sexual Revolution!   This one will help set us all free from what society has tried to teach us over the past 40-50 years.