This chapter explains how I started with Christian Nymphos and why I felt it important to continue this ministry. My testimony of the immense feeling of relief when I was lifted out of my past is why I need to continue this blog and tell EVERYONE who will listen and who has been where I have been, that there is healing and it is HUGE!
This chapter also reminds me of one of my favorite Igniter Media videos The Gospel According to Blaine. Our sin is like Blaine’s watch in the video. It is always a burden and before we became believers, it always weighed us down. Christ came to save us, and when we admit we are sinners with no hope, believe that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, came down to earth and gave up his life so that we could have eternal life, we are saved. If we confess Christ’s death and resurrection, we are saved. Nothing else to it. Blaine’s watch was removed…. our sin was removed as well.
Just as in the Garden of Eden, though, Satan always tries to make us doubt our salvation….doubt that we really are forgiven… so after my marriage and my first child was born, like Eve, I allowed Satan to deceive me. I bought into a pack of lies that he told me was the truth. Mom’s didn’t have sex. Sex was for procreation only. Something must be wrong with my DH because he wanted sex ALL THE TIME. I wore my past (that I already asked forgiveness for … both to God and to my husband) around my neck and it anchored me in misery. For 11 years, my DH loved me, patiently and sometimes not so patiently. He had every right to leave me and to start a new life. I was a refuser, plain and simple. I started reading The Power of a Praying Wife with the wrong motivation. I thought that it would be a great way to pray that God would change him… then the first chapter floored me. It said before anything else, I needed to pray for his wife. That God would give him the wife that He intended for my DH, and that she would be ME. What? Me? Pray that I would change? I don’t need to change? HE does! I did say the prayer at the end of the chapter though…. halfheartedly. I still wasn’t convinced that I was the problem.
Then one day, he told me he had been praying that God would take away his sex drive completely. Our marriage was very good, except for the sex issue. He said he loved me and if that was what it took to make me happy, he would give it up. That hit me like a softball right between the eyebrows. I realized he was willing to give up what was created in him by God to save our marriage.
God knew that was the time I was ready for the truth.
Up until then, I wasn’t ready and I wouldn’t believe it. I looked in the mirror, and God showed me what I looked like through my DH’s eyes. I could see why he desired me. God then revealed to me all the lies that Satan had been telling me. God told me that he gave us this gift…. sex was approved by God because it was created by God. It wasn’t created to be fruitful and multiply only…. it was created to be enjoyed, too! I experienced my sexual awakening at that point. God also revealed to me that while I had been forgiven by Him of my sin, and I also had been forgiven by my husband (past promiscuity), that I had forgotten to forgive myself…and that is where Satan had gotten a foothold in my life.
It was about then, maybe a year or so afterwards, that my sisters in Christ and I had the vision from God about Christian Nymphos. We had all been through our own times, we had shared them with each other, and we decided that it was high time that Satan was a fraud. That things we had learned and not learned from our parents and from the church needed to be put in biblical perspective, and Christian Nymphos was born. Over the years, one by one, the six of us became 5….then 4….then 3…. three of us stayed strong for awhile, but we finally became one and I just didn’t hear from God that my work was finished, so here I am. Monogabliss was born this past December. It is my prayer, sisters, that if you are holding on to any past hurt, any past sin, and past pain, please don’t give Satan a foothold in your life and your marriage. God will wait patiently for you to be ready, but he is so ready to help you let go of it all. What Satan intended for evil, God used for good. Amen?
Does Satan still throw my past at me? Sure. But I don’t look back. You know what….God has helped me to forget a lot of it. I know I sinned against God and against my husband by not remaining a virgin for him, but I also know I am forgiven, and God remembers that sin no more. If God doesn’t remember it, then I need to forget it as well.
Have you been freed from your past? If not, I would suggest you spend a lot of time in your bible. God’s word and Satan do not mix. He hates God’s word. Ask God to show you how you can use past hurt for good. God is GOOD. He can fix anything.