Archive | August 2013

Photographs

I had an interesting question come up.   With the use of phones and webcams and iPads and such….  is it a good idea to take pictures of yourself and text them to your spouse?

It depends on your comfort level first of all.   Me, personally, I really wouldn’t want to send “personal” pictures to my hubby on his phone.  He works with Jr. High and HS kids…what if he left his phone laying around and someone else were to pick it up?  What if his phone gets stolen?  My picture could be text all over kingdom come….

Now, in the past, when he goes on out of town trips, we have got on webcam and given each other peepshows, when it was just him and me in our rooms (his hotel private room and me when the kids are in bed and won’t be visiting me in my room)  It has been very erotic.  Nothing recorded or anything like that.

If your spouse ever asks you to do something that you are uncomfortable with or to do something you think is sinful, I wouldn’t do it.  Gently explain your reasons why.   Examine your reason.   Is it selfish or a reasonable concern?  If you think it is sinful, do you have scripture to back it up?  Can you come up with a compromise that would be acceptable to both of you?

What would you do if your spouse asked you to take a picture and send it to him via text or email?

Comfort Zone

I wrote an article on Christian Nymphos about this exact topic eons ago, so to find another author writing on the same subject was quite refreshing.  My article was on a personal experience I had of coming out of my comfort zone.  It was a really big step for me at the time, so it was a really big deal for me.

In the blog, The Forgiven Wife, I read this article on comfort zone.  I will admit out of all my spice sisters from CN, I was probably the one that was least likely to try something wild out of my comfort zone.  I am a major introvert.  It is VERY hard for me to step out and do something new, to my husband’s chagrin.  We have this favorite hotel near us that we only go to for special occasions for an overnight without the kids.   The first time we ever stayed there, the room we stayed in had a balcony.  As we sat outside in the evening air, he wanted to make love on the balcony.  That set off a HUGE alarm that said, “NO NO NO NO NO!”   Petrified me.   We couldn’t be seen by anyone… we were high enough off the ground and there were no other balconies that could view ours, but I just couldn’t.  He was probably really disappointed … very disappointed.   Fast forward a few summers ago.  We were staying in North Myrtle Beach.   Once again we had a balcony at the condo we rented…. this time was different.  I stepped out of my comfort zone and it was a much nicer experience.

How far can you stretch your comfort zone?  How often are you willing to go outside your zone to please your husband?

We have an opportunity to go back to that special hotel this weekend when our daughter is at a sleepover.    If the opportunity is there again, this time I plan on making up for disappointing him so many years ago.

 

Ten Things to Never Say During a Fight

I read articles on Yahoo, since that is where my email is, and I came across this one about what not to say during a fight.     Now, granted, I am blessed that my husband and I don’t fight often at all.   We may have disagreements, but they are usually settled in a reasonable fashion without raised voices or heated arguments.   BUT there have been occasions, especially in light of my parents situations, where I have not been my best.  Yes, right after I got the news, the very next day I did explode on my husband.   One of those that I realized the next morning, that I really did him wrong, and it wasn’t his fault kinda things, and I apologized.  (Yes, I let the sun go down on my anger, too)  After reading this, I am guilty of using some of these in the past though.

“I want a divorce” –  not in these words, but I have said something to the effect maybe I should leave and stay where I go…. definitely not a winner on my part.

“I am not mad at you” – I think I have learned enough “I’m not mad, I am disappointed.” or other catch phrases.  Body language holds a big thing in this.  I have rolled my eyes.  Slammed doors.    It’s always best to cool down before entering into a discussion about what is upsetting you.

“You are just like your father.” – I am so guilty of saying this in the past.   He doesn’t like this one single bit.  He doesn’t consider  himself anything like his father nor does he ever want to be considered like his father.  He’s his own man.   There are times I DO see traits in him that his father displays, but it’s best not to even go down that road in a fight… it makes it worse in my house.

“You’re such a jerk/coward/expletive of choice” – name calling just isn’t right.  It cuts people to the core.  Remember the old saying as kids, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.”?   Well, words hurt MORE than any broken bone. It’s just best to give yourself a timeout to catch your breath and get in a better place if you’ve let yourself go this far.

“Look, now the baby is upset, too” – not just babies get upset when parents argue…kids of ALL ages do.  I am sure it would upset our 10 and 17 year old to hear us fight.   Which is why if we do, they are not in the room or we leave the room.   Or we just again give ourself a timeout to cool off.

“You did the same thing last time” – there is no sense in bringing things up over and over again.  If you’ve forgiven last time, then don’t bring it back up.  It proves to your spouse that you didn’t really forgive in the first place.

“You’re always late” – I tell my kids to stop using “always” and “never” in an argument because they aren’t always true!

“Why are you mad?” – He’s allowed to have a bad day, just like you are.   Give some berth, time to cool down.   With my hubby, it’s probably that his favorite baseball team screwed something up and he’s just in a mood for a bit.  It passes.  We have our emotions, too, and it would irk us to always be asked that question, too.  Not worth opening Pandora’s box…once it’s open, you can’t put it back.

“You need to talk to me right now” – Um, no.  I don’t.  Maybe I need a timeout.  Maybe he needs a time out.  Maybe you should just make an appointment to talk later.   You might get wrath that makes things worse.  People don’t like being told what to do… they like to be asked.

“This is all your fault.” – again, just like never and always, it is NEVER all his fault.  It takes two to tango.  And a lot of time when I might *feel* like it is his fault, and God opens my heart and my eyes to see that, nope, part of the fault may be mine, or ALL of the fault may be mine… I just don’t want to accept that I could be at fault.

All 10 of these can be damaging to your sex life… go to bed mad and intimacy goes right out the door.   Unless it is for make up sex. 😉

What are your thoughts?

POTW: On the Pillows

This is position that has always been a favorite of ours. It’s not extremely difficult, although the man needs to have a good sense of balance and strong arms. We’ve never known what to call it so we just call it the “On The Pillows” position.

You start by stacking up three good-sized pillows in the middle of your bed (you may need 4). Then the wife is going to lay down on her back, but put her bottom up on top of the pillows. The husband may need to help lift her up on top. Now the wife should be lying on her back with her bottom angled up on top of a stack of pillows.

The husband gets on his knees directly in front of her, in between her legs, in a kneeling position. His penis should be close to the height of her vagina. If not, then you may add or take away a pillow as needed.

Then the husband can grab hold of the wife’s ankles, and hold her legs up and apart while entering her. He will then thrust while on his knees. He can move his hands down to hold onto her calves or thighs if he would rather do that. Or, the wife can rest her legs on her husband’s chest/shoulders.

And while the husband is thrusting and keeping the wife’s legs out of the way, the wife’s hands are free to rub her own clitoris.

Pros:
For women who need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, this position is wonderful. You are able to get yourself to orgasm while your husband is inside you at the same time, making it really nice!

This position gives a WONDERFUL view to the husbands out there. He is able to look down and see himself entering his wife, and also see her rubbing herself at the same time.

Cons:
Although you can see each other, your bodies are not really touching except for the privates. You aren’t close enough to kiss or hug or hold each other tight.

This is not a difficult position to do. If you haven’t tried it yet, I encourage you to do so soon, with the lights ON!

Cumingirl

Prayer request

I received some really upsetting news last week, which has my mind on other things at the moment…. my  mom has been in remission for cancer for 9 months, well, it’s back, so both of my parents have cancer now.   My time may be consumed with other things for awhile… I will try to keep up some posts every so often, but I know you will understand if the blog is very light in the posting for awhile.   Thank you so much for your lifting my family up in prayer.

God is in control.  He doesn’t ever lose control.  I pray for God’s will during this time in my life.

POTW: Tie Me Up Tango

tiemeuptangoXSmallcrop

This position is for all of you who have that daring side. That drive to try new things, even though it may sound odd. In this position, you are not literally tied up, but you are kind of immobile to a certain extent, because your legs are pinned.

For this position, the wife gets into position just like the above picture, except her hands/arms can just relax. You start by just kneeling on the bed, with your feet behind and under you. Then just lay back. You may decide to leave your feet directly underneath your thighs, or you may prefer to move them out slightly.

Then the husband can enter just like most man-on-top positions, however he is comfortable. The wife’s pelvis will be elevated in this position, and her back will also be arched somewhat, putting her breasts in a different position than usual.

Pros: This position is really erotic for the wife who likes to feel slightly out of control during sex. It raises the wife’s pelvis so that clitoral stimulation is easy to achieve.

Cons: You need to be pretty limber for this one ladies. Your thighs may burn during sex and will probably be sore afterwards if you aren’t used to bending your body like this.

Cumingirl

Honoring Your Spouse

I was reading some of the blogs that I subscribe to, and I came upon this one….  I am on Facebook daily (duh).  There is so many people who see your Facebook page.  Unfortunately, today, I saw a friend post something very negative about his wife for all his friends to see… Now, actually, I have no clue right now what is going on in their marriage.  I see them very infrequently anymore, but it was something that I thought… wow, even if this is true, this surely isn’t how to handle whatever the situation is that lead up to this.

Our society is getting to the point where it is downgrading our men like crazy.  Commercials on TV making the husband look like a dimwit compared to his wife.   I am sure we can list a lot of ways that Satan is waging war on our men.    Facebook is one of the places where we can see this.     Let me challenge you, if you don’t do so already, to put some very uplifting statuses on your Facebook page about your husband.   Let me give you some examples of ones I have put on mine….

What a way to spend your anniversary, and it’s just started! Happy anniversary to my better half.     Eighteen years he’s stuck with me. I love you, babe. Hoping for many, many, many more years with you. You rock!” – June 2013

God truly blessed me with <my hubby> . Almost 18 years!! – April 2013

I am married to my best friend. Thought you’d want to know … Love you!! –  February 2013

#2: I am thankful for my husband of 17 years. <Hubby> loves me through thick and thin, good and bad, and is so faithfully devoted to me. I love you, and I thank God daily for bringing you into my life. – Nov. 2012

I love this day in history. My wonderful husband was born on this day. So grateful to God that he brought this wonderful man into my life and saved him just for me. I don’t want to live my life with anyone else. Happy birthday! I love you! –  July  2012

17 years ago today, I married the man of my dreams… my tall, dark and handsome. He still is the man of my dreams, he rocks my world, and I love him more today than I did on our wedding day. Happy anniversary. God blessed me more than I deserve when he brought you to me. My covenant with you remains forever and always. I love you!! – June 2012

So, this helps me remember that I need to do this a little more frequently, but wouldn’t it make YOUR day if you found a sweet message posted about you from your hubby on your FB?

spicynutmeg