Archive | June 17, 2013

A reader who needs help

This reader’s question has to do with her past getting in the way of her intimacy with her husband…She made some bad decisions with her sexuality as a teen, and it interferes with her current marriage bed.  Here’s a few snippets of her question….

I got married to a wonderful godly man when my twins were 2.5 years old and we now have 2 more kids. We have been married for 5 years and I have been to counseling a few times for my past. For the past year, I have really struggled with giving up control in our sexual intimacy. I feel like if I do, then feelings and memories will come back when my husband touches me. There have been times when he has touched me and it hasn’t felt good, even though other times, he touches me the same way and it’s enjoyable like it should be. How do I give up control so my husband and I can enjoy sex the way God describes it

I have no past experience in the extent of her experiences, which include, unfortunately, rape.  BUT I do know the feeling of letting my PAST get in the way of my PRESENT and FUTURE.  I had multiple partners before marrying my husband.   There were things I did with them that I was not proud of.   There were times when it felt like the Holy Spirit was SCREAMING at me not to sleep with the guy, but I did it anyway.   Crazy stuff.  Crazy.   But for a while, it really interfered with my sex life.  I don’t have really any answers, only that it took time for God to patiently wait for me to be ready for the truth.  Until then, I believed a lot of Satan’s lies about me and intimacy with my husband.   Communicate as much as you feel comfortable with your husband about your past and issues that are popping up.   I am not sure how compassionate he would be about it, but remember he chose you.  He loves you.  He wants to be intimate with you, so I pray that he will be patient, loving and helpful as you pray and work through all this with your counselor.

Any help or suggestions from my faithful readers?  I know she would appreciate any help you can offer her.