Archive | May 2013

Is Today the most Dangerous day in your marriage?

First, let me post-Mother’s day say Happy Mother’s Day to all moms out there…. grandmoms, aunts, and any and all women who “mother” or mentor children.   You are a blessing to our world.

I scanned an article today that I didn’t really think about before… the day after Mother’s Day being the most dangerous day of your marriage.   Why?  Well, if Mom had certain expectations of the day, and they weren’t met, the day after could be holy hell for her hubby and kids.

I have a great group of women that I am a part of two different “Birthclub” boards with.  Our children are all turning 10 either last month or this month.   I love these ladies.  They are like “sisters from another mister” if you know what I mean.  On one board today, it already appeared…. the “Mother’s Day disappointment” thread.   I feel badly for the ladies who had a really bad “crappy” (their words) Mother’s day.

I am the mother of 2 great kids.  A 16 yo boy and a 10 yo girl.  To my daughter, every day is Mother’s Day.  “Mom, you’re the best.”  “Mom, I don’t know what I would do without you.”  “Mom, I love doing things for you.”  “Here, Mom, this is for you.” … the boy, well I love him to death, but he’s got a bit of Aspergers in him, so unless I am talking about baseball (his latest fascination), then I might as well be invisible.  That’s okay.  I do try to remain interested in what he is interested in when I can.   My DH of almost 18 years asks the week before Mother’s Day… “What do you want for Mother’s Day?”  Not really wanting a gift, I say, “A hug from our son would be great.”   SO, on Mother’s Day…. I got my hug from the boy, a gift from the kids (Les Miserable!), dinner out the night before, a Doobie Brother’s concert this past Friday from DH.  I feel really blessed and appreciated.   But not many ladies on that birthclub board…. at this posting, there are 24 rants on their about husbands…. I really feel badly for those men.

Here’s my thing.  My blessing is that God made me a mother.   Yes, it’s nice to be appreciated, but even if the kids and DH forgot year after year, I know that God knows, watches and appreciates.    There are so many women in this world that cannot be a mother for one reason or another…. or choose to not be a mother…. or have lost their mother.   It really seems like a dig at them to gripe and complain about not being appreciated as a mother.   At this stage of my life, if DH forgot, he wouldn’t need to worry about the Wrath of Spicy the next day.  (Isn’t that a movie?  LOL)  Our marriage is much stronger than that.    I am blessed in the fact that my husband does take the time to show appreciation, to remember what I like and what I dislike, and to encourage our kids to show their mom love and appreciation.  I thank God for him that I don’t have to complain about a crappy day with him at all.   No, we’re not perfect, but we take the time to really read each other.

So which category do you fall in after Mother’s Day (if you are a mother) … the “Tell me all the crappy things he didn’t do for me” or the “I am so blessed to be his wife and their mother” camp?  Should women really make their husbands suffer the day after Mother’s Day if they don’t get the appreciation and gifts they expect?

Throwback Thursdays: Pregnancy-To Be or Not To Be

I loved being pregnant. Nothing compares to feeling the baby’s first kick, watching your belly swell, hearing the heartbeat on the monitor, or seeing him/her on the ultrasound. Some people don’t care to have their belly rubbed but I was all for it. “You want to rub my belly? Here you go.” My brother’s wife had a very difficult pregnancy. She lost a bunch of weight, couldn’t keep any food or liquid down and she ended up being hospitalized. She didn’t see how it would be possible to have another baby even though my brother always wanted a slew of kids. It wasn’t guaranteed that she would become sick like that again but what if she did? Her son needed her. She couldn’t care for him if she were to have a similar pregnancy. This is when I had my brainstorm. I loved being pregnant, I’ll be her surrogate!!!!

My husband was not 100% for this plan. He would have to deal with my hormone fall out after the birth of the baby. When people would see his wife pregnant he would need to explain that I was carrying my brother’s baby. Would I be able to let go of the baby after giving birth to it? I tried to ease his mind by addressing his concerns. “But we won’t have a crying baby in our house in the middle of the night so I would be getting my sleep. It wasn’t hormones it was just lack of sleep.” “It’s not like I had sex with my brother! I would just be a house for the baby.” “ Of course I can give it up. It’s not like it’s really ‘my’ baby and I’m not a huge baby person anyway.” As my sister in law and brother were discussing the possibilities I started having irregular bleeding. I went for a bunch of tests and they all came back fine. Obviously this threw a wrench into our possible plans. I couldn’t possible be a surrogate with a wacky cycle happening.

Last week I attended a funeral service for a family member. As everyone paid their respects I looked behind me a spotted and 4 week old baby girl. The baby’s aunt was holding her and the baby started squirming. The aunt, who is just a teen and looking a bit unsure as to what to do, asked my mother if she wanted to hold the baby. My Mom said that she had to talk to some people first but would after that. Then it happened. This aunt made eye contact with me. “Hey Peppermint Girl, want to hold the baby?” I said OK and said a little prayer that the baby would not start screaming while in my arms. This place was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. I took the little bundle in my arms; she looked at me with her gorgeous eyes, grabbed my coat with her tiny figures snuggled into my neck and fell asleep. Now that the baby wasn’t fussing anymore the aunt asked to take her back. Reluctantly I handed her over. That night while laying in bed my husband asked me what I was thinking about. I told him that I was thinking about the baby. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I held her for 15 minutes tops and I still felt empty handing her back. Maybe I was more of a baby person then I thought.

Back when my cycles were irregular we made a decision that me being a surrogate was out of the question. The cycle following that conversation and every one after were fine. No irregular bleeding. I honestly think that God was giving me a message during my irregular time and I didn’t realize it until last week. I don’t think I could have given birth and given the baby away without feeling a tiny bit empty. God has a plan and I guess this wasn’t part of it. Hmmmm, Maybe His plan is for us to have one more of our own!!! Now I need to convince hubby to get a vasectiomy reversal. Do they even make cars that seat 6 kids?

original article


Why Does He Like Lingerie?

I found this article on One Flesh Marriage.  It is, of course, from a man’s point of view, but sometimes for us ladies, it is good to see things through our hubby’s eyes on occasion instead of our own.  Now my hubby is not a lingerie kinda guy.  He would much rather there be nothing on at all.

I used to purchase lingerie all the time.  My train of thought…”it’s sexy and he will really like it”.   When he wasn’t really crazy about it, I thought, “oh, I just bought the wrong one.” and would buy a different one.   Instead of listening to him say, “I would rather you be naked”, I was hearing what I wanted to hear.   Eventually, I stopped buying it because it was a waste of money.   That’s when I started listening to him.

Now on a rare occasion, I will pull out a sheer nighty to wear without panties, just because I like the way it feels and the way it makes me feel.

Is your man a lingerie type of guy?


Throwback Thursdays: Fresh Brewed Life with Nicole Johnson

From the first time I saw a sketch performed by Nicole Johnson I found myself in tears of laughter and tears of compassion, often changing from moment to moment. She has this ability to portray her characters in a way that connects women to one another, which is probably why she has ministered so extensively through Women of Faith conferences. She’s remarkable!

Taken from her website:

Like many women across America and around the world, she has faced spirit-crushing challenges in her life: the divorce of her parents, childhood loneliness, and a difficult marriage that ended in a painful divorce. In the midst of these trials, Nicole gathered together the pieces of her pain and formulated a life-changing philosophy: Life’s greatest value can be found in these broken pieces in that, like the grinding of coffee beans, only when the individual pieces are crushed can they come together to create something far more wonderful and potent than any of the pieces could alone.

It reminds me of Jesus’ words, “Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.”

Please enjoy a small selection of some of my favorite Nicole Johnson sketches. More can be can be purchased through her website, Fresh Brewed Life.

“The Invisible Woman”

A portion of “Stepping Into the Ring” (Get your tissues! And try to see the full version if you have an opportunity.)

original article

Busy month….

This is a very busy personal month for me.   Our son is graduating HS!  So you may see that I forget to post something or you may see some reruns from CN this month, so please forgive.  Hopefully I will be back in full swing again by June 10th!