Reader Questions: Help with orgasm

Here’s a snippet from an email….

I have NEVER been able to get an orgasm except only through clitoral stimulation thru a stimulator and even that takes me a while sometimes.  I know having an O is not the end all be all but I would LOVE for my husband to give me an O either orally or with his penis in me.

Another reader….

I am wondering if there’s a specific way to orgasm while actually having intercourse. I’ve read that woman on top is better for that but it has yet to happen for me. The only way we can ever get me to orgasm is either him stimulating me manually or when he goes down on me.  Maybe naive but can you actually reach orgasm through intercourse or does there have to be some other manual stimulation of the clitoris? Because I honestly don’t feel any stimulation there during intercourse unless he does so manually

So my question is, what would you say to these readers?

11 thoughts on “Reader Questions: Help with orgasm

  1. I used to be there ladies. It took me a long time to orgasm and when I did it was through clitoral stimulation only (orally, vibrator, manual), but it also took a long time…45 min. to an hour of constant stimulation. My poor husband was exhausted, but he always persevered 🙂 About a year was the first time I had an orgasm through PIV (penis in vagina) and I squirted at the same time. We’ve been married for 24 years so it’s something we’ve wanted for a very long time. We were bound and determined to get there eventually, but we had to come up with a plan.

    The first step was finding my G-spot. We took our time with this and through a variety of positions we had success. I think a lot of women think they haven’t found their G-spots because they think that when it’s touched it should send them through the roof…NO! You know you have found the G-spot when you come across a bumpy, ridged area about one inch in diameter about two or three inches inside the vagina, on the front wall, close to the pubic bone. It will feel a lot rougher than the rest of the inner vaginal wall. It’s easier to feel for it if you’ve had a lot (and I mean A LOT) of foreplay before he begins exploring. Get as turned on as you possibly can…do everything that works for you and make sure his fingers are well lubed. This is not a time to get shy. I think also women feel that “need to pee” feeling and they withdraw and hold back. You have to let go to that feeling because it’s not urine! Once we established that I had a G-spot I started doing things to help me.

    Next, I bought the Teneo Duo Smartballs (Lelo also has a product like this) and I wore them all the time. They really helped tighten my vagina (2 vaginal births) and helped prime my G-spot. They won’t make you have an orgasm while walking around, but they help prep you. I think some women may a “tougher skin” there and it’s not as sensitive as others. This is why there are doctors doing G-spot enhancements now. All women have a G-spot it’s just that some don’t have the sensitivity. It’s your job to make it sensitive. Work at it everyday. Get a vibrator with a G-spot tickler and use the balls!

    Last, we modified our positions. The improved-Angle Missionary was a success for us. Hope it works for you. Don’t give up…keep experimenting…abandon yourself!

    P.S. I can’t stress the power of seduction and foreplay enough. I really need to be seduced. I am a very sensual person so I get crazy turned on with scent, music, feathers, silk, satin, teasing, and mostly…HIS WORDS!!!! When my husband brings on those words and seduces me with his deep voice I am on fire and it all helps to get me to where I need to be so I can let go and let it flow.

  2. That’s pretty much where we are. I usually only orgasm with manual or oral stimulation. Often, he will stimulate me while he is inside, so I can orgasm while being penetrated, but honestly, it usually isn’t as strong of an O than from oral or manual only. I can orgasm while on top leaning forward, but again, my best orgasms are while laying on my back being given all the attention 🙂
    The best position for me to receive penetration/manual orgasm is on my back, knees bent, hips raised , and my husband kneeling in front of me on his knees thrusting and stimulating me at the same time. With this position, he can thrust some, and then hold still while stimulating me, and I can get my grind on when I need it. Much better than him laying on top of me.
    Every position and technique seems to produce a different kind of orgasm in me, and honestly I like that. Sometimes I tell my husband I need him inside and lots of skin to skin more than I need a screaming O. Sometimes I enjoy having all the attention on me through oral or manual so I can really concentrate on the sensations of being aroused. It’s all good, and there are plenty of days in the week for variety 🙂
    At the end of the day, don’t worry that you can’t orgasm through thrusting only. We have tried all the positions that promise “reaching the g-spot” and it doesn’t do it for me.

  3. The vast majority of women cannot climax without clitoral stimulation–so you’re definitely not alone! We have a We-Vibe (a clitoral and vaginal vibrator that stays in place during intercourse) and I started out only being able to climax during intercourse while using it. I’ve started to climax about 25% of the time through intercourse alone. It definitely helps when I climax first through oral, manual, or with a toy, and then we have intercourse. Once you’ve climaxed during a sexual session, it becomes much easier to do so again. That also helps me because anytime I’m focused on really wanting to climax during intercourse, it doesn’t happen. But when I’ve already climaxed and am not so focused on it, it is much easier.

  4. I myself have never had an orgasm during intercourse….I have come close but I think it was more of the position than anything. We were laying on our sides facing each other. It seemed to work but I am guessing his area rubbing up against mine must have done it. There are areas inside the vagina that are able to be stimulated such as the G spot. Rubbing this the right way can cause orgasm but I find direct stimulation to be the best but something that i have tried before is have a vibrator on your clitoris while having intercourse. Then you both enjoy together!

  5. Concerning an orgasm thru intercourse, try lying on your back w/ your legs up (over hubby’s shoulders or w/ his holding them up by your ankles), while he leans forward & thrusts deeply. Long strokes may work better than fast ones. And pray for help. God cares about that part of your life too. 🙂

  6. It is possible, though often a challenge to orgasm from intercourse only. It takes some experimentation with positions and maybe a little research for ideas, as well as an ability on the woman’s part to relax/let go and let yourself really focus on the physical sensations that are happening.

    That being said, I know many women that need the external stimulation in order to experience the big O. And that is okay. 🙂

    • I forgot to mention that the main key is finding your G spot, and stimulating it in just the right way for a long enough time. Be patient because frustration can totally undermine the effort that it takes.

  7. The main way I reach the big O, is after lots of foreplay doing different things, and then getting on top, while he rubs my nipples. But just thrusting alone, will not do it. Hang in there! Try not to be so focused on reaching that point, b/c like the last woman said, it is counter productive. I know I can reach orgasm, but if I think about it too much, it won’t happen. Good luck!

  8. Also, I’ve read recently, that most woman require at least 5 different sexual acts during foreplay, to be ready to orgasm. I’m not wording that quite right, but basically, take your time and do (have your husband do) lots of different kinds of touching, maybe use some spicy language too, 🙂

  9. I gotta say, these comments have helped me. I have a hard time turning off my brain, so I have a hard time finishing. My poor hubby tries and tries to get me to my O, but most of the time I just give up and tell him to not bother. I feel bad for him, cuz he wants this for me, but if it takes too long, it’s not worth it to me. I hate that my body doesn’t cooperate with me. But I have started to pray that I can find the magic spot. Cuz being married for 16 years and most of those without an O, makes a girl feel less like a girl and more like an outlet for her hubby. 😦

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