It may surprise you that although the CN girls are all focused on loving our husbands well and building deep intimacy in our marriages, some of us still sometimes have trouble keeping our drive up. I am one of them. If I get distracted because life gets busy or if I expend too much energy on other things, it is easy for me to find myself struggling with a lower drive. And in my marriage my husband is the same way. If he is under a lot of stress or distracted by life he also finds that his drive is lower.
The best trick I have learned for changing the downward spiral in sex drive to an upward spiral is to make it a priority to think sex. Assuming that my husband is loving me well, because this is not as easy if I am feeling unloved, sometimes sexual arousal begins with a choice. A choice to think about your husband in a sexual way. If you find yourself in a place of apathy towards sex it really helps to focus your mind on sex with your husband. You might be going through your day caring for your kids and taking care of life, but if you take a moment to think ahead to the evening when you have the house or your room to yourself it can really help. Think about snuggling on the couch to watch TV or however you tend to spend your evenings at home and take it a step further to mentally choose that once you are there you are going to be an active participant in whatever happens.
After you have made this choice, it’s a really good idea to communicate what you are thinking to your husband so he can be involved in meeting you where you are at and you can journey through this mental foreplay together. Email, text or call him and let him know that you are looking forward to being with him in the evening. He’ll enjoy being involved in the process.
It may not sound as romantic as being swept away in emotional attraction, but if the alternative is continuing to allow yourself to be satisfied with less sex than is healthy for your marriage, thinking sex is a really good way to refocus you on sexual intimacy.
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