Archive | January 9, 2013

Real Marriage: Grace or disgrace?

Moving on into chapter 7 in the Driscoll’s “Real Marriage” book, I thought Grace was describing my 2nd boyfriend…. seriously.  Each of these things she mentioned about her first boyfriend…. I mentally put a check mark next to in my head.

*Lost my virginity to him…check

*He became controlling … check

* He controlled my friendships…. check.  (basically I had none.)

* He controlled my free time … pretty much… check

* He followed me around checking on me and what I was doing… check

The only real difference was that he was never physically abusive to me, which could have happened if I stuck around longer than I did.  He tried to alienate me from my family and nearly did it.  I was almost so isolated from everything but him…it’s scary to think back on this now. I even thought like Grace did, that if I married him, it would cover my sin and shame with him….thankful that I never did.  Thankful that somehow I got the strength to leave this relationship and never come back.   Thankful that my family intervened and got me out of that situation by allowing me to move back home.

Like Grace, I lived with that shame of unforgiveness for a long time.  I didn’t know that I needed to run to God for love and grace, instead I tried to hide it from him, like Adam and Eve hid in the garden after eating the forbidden fruit.  Funny how the human nature thinks we can hide things from God.   It wasn’t until I finally gave it over to God and forgave myself, that healing came.

I don’t remember if I wore any of the “masks” she talked about.  I probably did, just didn’t realize it.  But the pain of what I experienced was hidden very well.   That experience had changed my outlook on sex…. when I was single, it was an idol.  When I got married, it became a necessity to do for a period of time….. All I can tell you is that I am thankful for God’s healing.   I have never really discussed it much before except with my husband.   It’s a part of my past that I am glad that God has taken from my mind.   I think the only reason he has brought this back is to possibly help someone who may be going through what I went through.  It’s okay to talk it through with someone who has been there before.  There is no shame in it, only forgiveness.

So that is my story.  What did you think about this chapter?