Archive | December 10, 2012

Vicious cycles v virtuous cycles

I think we all know what a vicious cycle is…. I’ve been in a few….well, maybe more than a few… in my married life.   One thing leads to another and things keep spiraling downward…. the more he doesn’t read your mind and know what you want, the more you deny him something … usually sex… because you are unhappy about it.   He gets miserable  because you haven’t made love in days…weeks….months…., and feels undesired, and it goes on and on.     Satan loves vicious cycles.  The more things he can pop into your head (“Can he possibly NOT hit the laundry basket????”), the further he places a wedge in your marriage that splits you apart.  Soon he makes you feel that you aren’t “in love” with him anymore…. Satan takes glee in our misery… mainly because we start to blame God.   I find, really stupidly, that Satan fills my head with scenarios that will never happen….they could, but knowing my hubby, no they probably won’t…. The other day Satan made me really mad at my DH….for something that he hadn’t even done yet!   Thinking about the  holidays… how will we spend Christmas?  Apart like we did at Thanksgiving?  If he does not come with me to visit my parents and family, he must really hate them…. NO HE DOESN’T.  That’s just crazy talk!  Satan knows that right now, I am very concerned about my Dad and his health.  My DH has told me to take all of my remaining vacation time and spend it with my parents…. does that sound like someone who hates my family?  No.   Just because he would need to stay in town to be here for his Dad, who has his own health issues, and to keep us from having to board our two dogs doesn’t mean he hates my family.  Satan tries to pull me back into the past… into past arguments that I used to have when we first got married when I couldn’t leave my family of origin….  God stepped in and reminded me…. when I found out about my Dad’s health, DH and my son were traveling together for Father/Son time….when I called and told him, he turned around and came right back home.   Does that sound like someone who doesn’t care?  Absolutely not.

Virtuous cycles…. that’s the kind of marriages God wants us to have…. where things spiral upward, and lift both spouses up.   Treat others the way (or better) than you want to be treated.   Or in this case, treat your spouse better than you want to be treated by him.   What really  makes his chest puff out?  For my DH, it’s when I show him respect and when I show him I desire him.  It makes him feel so good.  And it makes me feel warm inside knowing I made him feel that way.   Be a generous wife to your hubby in everything you do, but especially sexually.   The more good that is done between spouses, the more good happens in the marriage.

Generosity is a choice though.  You can’t get by doing things begrudgingly.  It is very important that your attitude shows him that you are genuine….it genuinely pleases you to please him.  What if he doesn’t respond back generously to you?  Keep on keeping on.   Think of the ultimate generosity….Jesus Christ.   He most certainly didn’t need to come to earth to die for you, but he CHOSE to die for you.   Did you deserve it?  Was their a time in your life when you cared less about Jesus and what he did for you?   Do you take it for granted sometimes?   Jesus loves you.  God loves you.   We don’t deserve the amount of love and forgiveness that we receive from our  Heavenly Father.   But he keeps loving and forgiving us anyway.   Every time you feel that vicious cycle starting, look heavenward….look to your bible…. don’t let the spiral go down…keep looking up…. don’t give up.  God didn’t give up on you.

What are your experiencing in your marriage?  A vicious cycle or are you in the midst of a virtuous cycle?  Let’s discuss our own experiences in the comment section below.

~Spicy