Archive | November 7, 2012

Real Marriage: The Truth About Sex, Friendship and Life Together

How many of you have read this book by Mark and Grace Driscoll?  I have read about 75% of it on my Kindle Fire…. I’ve just not had as much time to read in the past month as I would like.   I would like to each week bring out a topic from their book and have a discussion on it.   If you want the true reference from the book, you’ll have to purchase it or borrow it from the library, but I am more than happy to discuss these topics even if you haven’t read it.

So over the next week, let’s start with the first topic from the book…. friendship in marriage.

Over on CN, I did a poll because I found out something interesting amongst not only my CN sisters, but other friends as well…. Is your husband your best friend?    In that poll, that you can see here, over 70% of women who took the poll said their husband was their best friend.  Some of my friends thought that was the weirdest thing in the world that I thought my hubby was my best friend.   The way I look at it, for the rest of my life, he’ll always be there.  I’ve had other friends come and go in different seasons of my life, but when the kids are grown and married and on their own, it will be him and me.   If we’re not close friends, then what happens to our marriage then?    I respect my husband and enjoy his company.   I want it to always be this way.   Why would it be so weird that he would be my best friend?

Now I do realize that your husband may not be you BEST friend, but it is important that you are friends with him.  Even in Song of Songs 5:16, the wife says, “This is my beloved, and this is my friend.”   Merriam-Webster defines friend as “one attached to another by affection or esteem” – I think we should all have the affection part down with our husbands, and I hope that the esteem part down as well.   You tell your friends everything.  There is nothing that I keep from my husband.  Sometimes I may not like what he tells me back, but…. shhh…he’s usually right!

When DH and I were traveling through the dark valley together that was my refusal years, I used to wonder … when my kids are older and gone, what is going to happen to us?  Will we even know each other?  That was the darkness I was in, but he proved to me beyond the shadow of a doubt that he would never leave me or forsake me.  He loved me.  He loved being married to me.  Now, I look to the future, and I really look forward to the time that he and I will have to spend together by ourselves.   I look forward to not having to worry about finding a babysitter…we can just get up and go whenever we want, wherever we want.   We can buy a two seater car!   He and I will be friends forever and ever as well as soul mates.

I work in an atmosphere with almost all women.  There are 17 of us that work most closely together.  I watch some of them as they talk about their husbands, and it isn’t always good.  Not all are married, so I worry about the impact that it places in their minds.   Some of them are in the empty nester phase, and it sounds like they barely tolerate their husbands…. that is so sad!  This should be the best years of your life in your marriage!  I truly hope to never go there and to find ways to help them enjoy their marriages.

What are your thoughts on this?  Is your husband your best friend?  What will your marriage look like when your kids fly from the nest?  If you are already an empty nester, what is your marriage like?  If you could do something differently, what advice would you give to us that still have children at home?

My biggest word of advice is to never stop dating your husband.   If money is tight, you can plan a picnic at home after the kids go to bed.   Try to at least once a month go out on a date with your husband…dinner, coffee, or a movie.   If you are plugged into a church, try to see if you can set up with another couple to share sitting…you watch their kids while they go out on a date and vice versa.   We didn’t date at all during my lowest period on our marriage.   Things are SO much better now that we go out by ourselves without the kids.   We have a teenager about to go off to college and a 4th grader…. so our date nights revolve around dinner on AWANAS night for the youngest or whenever the oldest can stay at home with the youngest.   It is so nice to at least get an hour to go out to dinner together on those nights.   Try to plan something, just you and your hubby.   I know we have a few military wives on here.   God bless you and your hubby.  I know it’s hard. I have a friends that doesn’t know from one day to the next when she will have time to skype or IM with her husband.   Send him care packages…. some of his favorite things from you.   Reminders of your love waiting for him at home.   Maybe take a picture of some places and have a “virtual date” with him…. send a picture of your favorite restaurant, and talk about what you would order there…what you would talk about over dinner…. what you would do after dinner.   Anything to keep the spark going until he comes home….or are you the on deployed?   Ask your DH to do the same for you.

Please tell me what your thoughts are on this topic.  I would love to hear them.