We recently received the following email:
My wife and I love one another and love the Lord, and want a fulfilling love life that’s pleasing to ourselves and to Him. With so little info we’ve struggled with what is OK sexually within our marriage. Particularly with respect to anal sex, your site indicates that the scripture does not speak to this between a married man and woman. If I look up “sodomy” in the dictionary it appears to address all anal intercourse, regardless of whether man/man or man/woman. When the scripture talks about sodomy, how do we know whether it limiting to man/man or extends to man/woman? any input on this area would be greatly appreciated!
What a great question and we knew just the person to ask when the CN spice girls and I said “If only we knew of a pastor who had deep Biblical understanding regarding this question.” Sugar & Spice’s husband! So rather than attempt to answer it ourselves, I asked him if he would be so kind as to lend us his knowledge on this topic. To our delight he said yes and having already done an in depth Biblical study on this, he offered us the results of his study for this article. Our thanks to him for his lending us his expertise. Here are his findings:
Abraham was camped near an oak grove when three men appeared to him in Genesis 18. One of the men was God who stayed with Abraham while the two other men (“angels” according to Gen 19:1) proceeded to Sodom. In Sodom they met Lot who prepared them a meal at his home. That evening the men of Sodom surrounded the house and wanted Lot to bring out the men in the house so they could have sex with them. Lot refused and the men were struck blind by the angels. Then the angels told Lot that they needed to escape because God was going to destroy Sodom.
This is our knowledge of Sodom and the picture we see is a group of homosexuals trying to rape two men. It is believed by many that since homosexual men engage in anal sex then anal sex must be a sin. However, there is no Biblical evidence to back up this claim that anal sex between a married heterosexual couple is wrong. Many people feel that the Bible condemns sodomy but it does not. The word “sodomy” doesn’t even appear in scripture. Sodomy is a legal term that varies from state to state but typically includes legally forbidden acts such as anal sex, oral sex, and bestiality.
What were the sins of Sodom? Certainly homosexuality was one of them by looking at the whole council of scripture (Romans 1:26-27) but what else does the Bible say about Sodom and its sin?
“As I live,” declares the Lord God, “Sodom, your sister and her daughters have not done as you and your daughters have done. Behold, this was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had arrogance, abundant food and careless ease, but she did not help the poor and needy. Thus they were haughty and committed abominations before Me. Therefore I removed them when I saw it.”
From Genesis we see that homosexuality was a sin of Sodom but according to the above passage, there was much more to the story. It seems that their sexual perversion was one of many sins. God destroyed Sodom because:
- Abundant food and careless ease
- Not assisting the poor and needy
So how are we to define sodomy biblically? If Sodom was guilty of the above sins as scripture teaches, then a Sodomite could be defined as anyone who doesn’t help someone in need and is arrogant. If you have plenty but your neighbor does not and you fail to act, you are also committing sodomy!
So to the question: “Is sodomy a sin?” According to the Bible verses stated above, the acts of the people of Sodom were indeed sinful and we too would be sinning if we behaved in the same manner. But, is anal sex between a man and wife equivalent to today’s standard definition of sodomy? I would have to say, according to the Bible, no. It is true that homosexual men engage in anal sex but it is also true that they engage in oral sex. They also hold hands and kiss one another. Does the fact that a homosexual does these things too mean that heterosexuals are forbidden to do these acts as well? It most certainly does not. I believe that God created our desires and it is we who have perverted it. God gave sex to us as a gift for a husband and a wife to share and it is we who have perverted that. Homosexual sex was stolen from heterosexuals, not the other way around. We can conclude that anal sex or any sex by a homosexual is sin. We can also conclude that according to the Bible anal sex, oral sex, or any sex by an unmarried heterosexual couple is sin too. But if you are married and both partners agree to any sex act within the confines of your marriage bed, it is indeed pure.
I hope this clarifies for you the question of what sodomy refers to. You can view further information regarding anal sex according to our world view in the category listing on the right side of every page.
when we run with few scriptures and master its application as we view it in our mind, we become so authoritative and give the impression we know it all. Originally sexual organ constructed to fit into each other is a man’s penis and a womans vagina. Are you trying to say that God who made it so was not wise enough in his design? He never made the penis for the anus. In as much as we are free, unlike the world to explore our full sexual potential, we are not to challenge God’s wisdom in our drive. God gave the first woman and man the boundary they should not cross and from our anatomy, we can see clearly, how God wants us to use his design. Anal sex by married christian woman is a deviation from God’s will and abuse of our sexual appetite, like adultery even if is by mutual agreement by the couple. God will not restrain you if he is convinced you have made up your mind, because of free moral agency in you. I hope you will not give birth to a baby tthrough your anus because you are an explorer. Please put some restraint on yourself. Waiting for your response to this challenge.
Juliet, I think we all agree that our bodies are meant for penis in vagina (PIV) intercourse. But in a married relationship, you have to give these couples the benefit of the doubt. While I cannot claim that everyone personally seeks God’s divine wisdom on whether or not to use anal sex as part of their MARRIED sex life, I can say that I have never found anything in the bible the tells a married man and woman that they cannot. I can say that myself personally, we have tried anal sex, but I found it not to be of my liking, so we haven’t done it again. Since my abdominal walls are weakening with age, I will allow my husband to insert a lubricated finger in part way into my anus to tighten things up for his orgasm…. and he only does this once he is certain that I have orgasmed first.
Surely, I hope you jest about giving birth through the anus….you made me laugh there.
I can tell you that there is nothing I or anyone else will say that will change your conviction on this issue, so we’ll just have to agree to disagree, I’m afraid. God’s blessings to you and your marriage!
I am still pretty new to this blog which i really love becauuse i do not exactly have the close girlfriends that will be this open so its such a blessing. I have been really wanting to try anal with my hubby and i am curious as the best position to start with and the best to work my way to? We have played around some with the area but have never gone all the way but it doesnt turn me on a whole lot. i hear the orgasms are like none other. any tips and comments would be greatly appreciated
Doggie position is probably the best. The anal canal is shaped like an S, and a dildo, finger, or even DH’s penis is obviously not S-shaped. Reason I say doggie style is that it really helps to straighten out that S shape as much as possible.
Another thing: USE PLENTY OF LUBE AND GO SLOW. Can’t stress it enough. You and DH need to work out a communication system for anal play so that he knows when you want more or need to stop.
Last but certainly not least, try to stay as relaxed as possible. Hubby tried anal beads on me, but I was so scared (especially ’cause I couldn’t see him and the suspense made it feel worse) and it wasn’t a pleasant experience. I’m willing to try it again, but let him know I needed to hear his voice EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. Another suggestion is engaging in foreplay beforehand so you’re warming up to it :). Hope that helps!
I have to agree with Julietikenna on this one. I just can’t believe that this activity is God-pleasing even between a husband and wife. But I just gotta ask: does it truly feel good having a penis thrusting in and out of your butt? A pussy is built for pleasure (full of nerve endings etc.). Are there pleasurable sensations in the butt too? Just really curious: what is the big attraction? Does it truly feel really good? Do any of you orgasm from this type of stimulation? I ask these questions in all seriousness.