So you’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting. You’ve thought about your wedding night many times and wondered what it will be like. Anyone who remains a virgin until their wedding night in this culture did not arrive at that place by accident. It was a deliberate choice to live a life of purity. Good for you!
So now you’re engaged and you actually have a date that you know will be the night you first get to have sex. How exciting! What now?
Before the Honeymoon
The first step is to communicate with your fiancé long before your honeymoon. Talk about your expectations both for the honeymoon and for your sexual relationship in general. Click here for a list of questions to examen together as you approach your wedding day. Among the questions you will want to look at, consider how often you think is reasonable for a couple to have sex? Are there certain sex acts you feel are sinful? Are there others you may want to try sometime, but don’t think you will want to try right away? Do either of you have sexual sin issues? Talk about it now. What about masturbation? Are there some circumstances where you think it is acceptable for either of you to masturbate? While one of you is out of town? Women who masturbate can use it to keep their drive up, while men tend to have a refractory period which may mean that he is unavailable to get an erection when his wife wants to have sex with him. These are all important discussions to have before you get married because unexpressed expectations result in disappointment when things don’t go as you thought they would.
In addition to communicating your expectations and ideas about sex, you want to understand your sexual body. If you haven’t explored yourself very much take the time to connect with your sexual side. Do you know where your clitoris is? Do you know what it does? Do you know that you don’t need to have penis in vagina sex in order to achieve an orgasm so theoretically you can have an orgasm on your first night? Do you know that there are two kinds of orgasms that women can have? Consider all these questions and find the answer if you do not know it. You can ask any of the women you trust or you can ask us, the women of this blog. We are here as a source of information and support to all women, that we would embrace who God made us as sexual beings and for the purpose He intended. Good girls LOVE sex.
What to Pack for the Honeymoon
First, you will want things to set the mood. Lingerie (some guys like it more than others, but even if your man doesn’t it can be something that makes YOU feel sexy so that is reason enough to wear it), music, massage oil, candles. You’ll want some sort of lubricant and I would bring a variety so that you can see which ones you like the best. Some are stickier than others, some are flavored, some are warming (I have heard mixed reviews about these warming lubes). Coconut oil is a little known secret lubricant I will share with you, but do not use it with condoms as it can break down the latex. As you become accustomed to intercourse you may find you need lubricant less and less, but you may notice that you need it more during certain times of your menstrual cycle.
As much as you like the idea of having continuous sex the whole time, it just isn’t possible so keeping the fire going in other ways is a good option. A sex game and/or book such as Intimate Issues, Celebration of Sex or Red Hot Monogamy might be fun to enjoy together and all these books are written by Christians. My husband and I actually went to a library on our honeymoon in search of a book to help us. It’s a funny memory. I wish we’d thought to bring one with us.
On the practical side, whatever form of birth control you are using, be sure to bring that with you (pills, condoms…). If you anticipate that the place your are staying at for your honeymoon may not have enough towels, you may want to bring extra towels because sex can be messy and good sex is even messier. Both you and your husband will be producing lots of natural fluids in addition to any lubricant you add from a bottle.
The First Night
So now you have communicated your expectations and have packed for your honeymoon and you are days from you wedding which means that sexual awakening is just around the corner. This is one of the things you need to talk to your fiancé about. What do you expect on your first night? If you get to the hotel at midnight, you are going to be exhausted. In that kind of situation, how do you and your husband want to spend the first night together?
Leading Up to Penetration
If you enjoy alcohol it is a good idea to have a glass or two to relax you and continue building the mood. Spending lots of time in foreplay is going to help you produce your natural lubricants. Enjoy lots of kissing and exploring each others bodies. Allow yourself to let go of your inhibitions and embrace your erotic self. God made you a sexual being so rejoice in that. Your mind is an important tool in arousal. Let your mind become involved. Connect mentally with what is happening in your body and talk about how you are feeling. You will find that as you become more and more aroused that your vagina is producing more lubricant. So the more aroused you are the easier it will be for your husband to enter you. You will most likely benefit from additional lubricant before going for penetration.
The First Time
So now that you are aroused and ready to have your husband enter you, you want to be in a position that is comfortable for you. When your husband breaks through your hymen it will be anywhere from a little uncomfortable to very painful so you want to be in a position were you feel you can control the situation. No propped-up-against-the-wall sex just yet. Many women find it easiest if they are laying on their back with their husband on top and then guiding him in with her hand, but you may find that you feel it is easier with you on top because you can lower yourself on your husband as you feel comfortable. Communication at this point is key because your husband needs to know if you want him to go slower or faster or stop all movement. It won’t be hurting him so you need to tell him how to proceed. Not only will breaking the hymen be uncomfortable, but you also will be very tight which may be painful. The more you have sex, the more you will loosen up, but this can take quite some time for some women.
The key in all of this is to enjoy yourselves. It will be new and exciting and awkward all at the same time, but so much fun. Enjoy the journey and maintain great communication all through your marriage in every area.
Enjoy your honeymoon!