E R O T I C A

We received the following email from one of our readers:

I was wondering what you ladies thought of erotic stories. I know you addressed romance novels the other day, and I am interested to hear your thoughts on erotic stories. Are they just a form of pornography, or are they a tool that a husband and wife can use to spice up their love life? My husband and I enjoy reading erotic stories together, then acting out the scenarios. I am very blessed to have found your site. My husband and I are young Christians, and we are unsure of what is “okay” and what is not. Some of the erotic stories we read do involve lesbians, threesomes, and unmarried couples. We know that this is not right, but we are unsure if we are sinning since we are not lesbians, we do not participate in threesomes, and we are married. We are just really confused!

I applaud your desire to develop a hot and spicy love life and I hope that in the years to come your sexual relationship with your husband will grow in richness and passion. The reason why I offered to respond to this particular question is that it has been an area of weakness for me. I can relate to the desire to use erotica to become aroused and, yes, I do believe it is inappropriate. One reason is because I think that using other people’s sexual encounters to arouse us gets us out of the habit of using what God gave us. That is, a husband and wife one to another. It can become hard to get aroused once we don’t have those outside influences.

Also, regarding the point you made about the stories being based on sexually sinful relationships, when we give mental ascent to those things, I believe it does damage to what God is doing in us. To be aroused by lesbian, multiple partner or adulterous situations is allowing what is sinful to have a great effect on us. Trust me, I have been there and I know the draw that it can have, but I know that God has something better for us.

So then what about reading detailed information about a husband and wife’s sexual encounter? I believe this too is inappropriate because the specifics of someone else’s bedroom life, is a very intimate thing and it ought not to be shared with others. To read details about it, is to defile what God said is sacred between them.

If you found a fictional story where you could substitute your names and preferences, then I would not be as concerned. Having said that, for those who are addicted to needing external influence for arousal, those stories can open a door in their heart to desire something more and in that case they need to be sure to guard their hearts to a greater degree. Also be aware that many stories reflect that the characters are not married or are in morally inappropriate sexual situations. A better suggestion is that if you enjoy reading erotica, you might want to write your own. I created a collection of erotic short stories for my husband one year as a gift and they are particular to our desires and fantasies. If you don’t feel you are creative enough for this, ask God to increase your creative juices in this area and just let go. Spend an evening fantasizing about your spouse and then write out what you thought about. Read the stories to one another and then act out parts that are exciting.

So in short, reading erotica is a form of pornography in my opinion and it is best be avoided. I wouldn’t suggest to a couple that they use it to spice things up between them. There are better ways to do this.