What’s Your Biggest Regret in your Marriage?

Yes, I know this isn’t a poll, but I have an article coming up this week dealing with this topic.

Sooo….. what’s your biggest regret in your marriage?
Mine?  That I didn’t save myself for my DH.   Am I over this regret?  Yes.  I have been forgiven, but it held me tight for a long while in my marriage and it might have saved us a whole lot of heartbreak in the beginning of our marriage, but I am freed of this regret and forgiven by God, my hubby and most of all myself.

7 thoughts on “What’s Your Biggest Regret in your Marriage?

  1. Although I would classify our marriage as one of the happiest we’ve known among the couples we’ve met, sadly for 28 years I was pretty much a sexual refuser to my dear husband. Through all that time I’d be too tired or not in the mood and we would often go 2-3 weeks between LM. After reading up on menopause and hormones I decided that my hormones were the issue and when I began supplementing them my libido was finally born! It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy sex but I rarely desired it or climaxed (though hubby often manually/orally brought me around). It’s been 3 years now of daily (or more often) sex on demand (usually by me!) and hubby is truly a happy camper! I asked him if he masturbates anymore to which he said “I don’t NEED to”! I’m so thankful to have the internet to research the many helpful ideas found on your incredible website. Keep up the good work! 🙂

  2. I regret that I didn’t know how to communicate what I felt, needed, wanted until after I had the affair. It could have otherwise been avoided if I wasn’t hiding from my pain.

  3. Biggest regret … being unaware just how much different our sex drives are. We end up spending a lot of time having to carefully communicate about this and any expectations we hold for the end of the day and private time. We are learning how to manage this now (even after 15 yrs together) but coming into our marriage it never appeared on our radar that this was going to be an ‘issue’. A lot of heartache would have been prevented had we been aware of our difference so we could’ve start learning how to communicate about this immediately. I regret that DH (high drive) lost out on some of his honeymoon feeling in the early years because of this, whilst I was oblivious.

    To some degree I think this is a consequence sex being ‘sinful’ in Christian circles, prior to marriage, and not being ‘allowed’ to be discussed. Marriage is the best place for having sex but I wonder if we’re leaving Christian singles out high and dry because this also means that by default they don’t get good information and good tools on how to deal with potential sex ‘issues’, which they could then bring into their marriage.

  4. My biggest regret is that I didn’t know that toys were OK in a Christian marriage. They have helped me in many ways, since we’ve used them. It sounds weird, but it’s very true. My hubby would agree.

  5. This is the first time I have actually wrote this – My biggest regret is that I have allowed my past to affect and infect my marriage.
    At different stages of my childhood and teenage years an uncle of mine displayed inappropriate behaviour towards me, of which was supposed to be a game between us – and even when i was old enough to know it was wrong I chose not to tell anyone. Even now I struggle not to blame myself for at least that part of it and I am 37 years old.
    I allowed my insecurities to affect decisions I made when my hubby and I started dating – pre becoming a Christian, but I knew it was right to save sex until marriage. Well, I caved in and had pre-marital sex and hated every time we did it. I was scared, and felt like a failure because I gave up something I really valued. After we became Christians and were baptised I was a little stronger and we did wait, but the loss had already happened.
    My hubby and I have been married for 17 years, have 2 wonderful teenage boys, and I still can’t relax during intercourse. I feel guilty and undeserving when I, very occasionally, want to initiate it, and feel guilty and a failure when i don’t enjoy it after hubby suggests it and tries to make it special for both of us. I nearly always end up in tears. We can go weeks without making love, and i feel guilty about that too, knowing I am not giving my husband my all.
    I have been reading a lot of Christian blogs lately and am confused about my thoughts,inhibitions, etc. I hate that I am stuck in this place of fear and anxiety, and have recently enlisted the assistance of a lovely Christian counsellor.

    • Trust me, I understand totally and completely. You are not alone. Don’t forget about forgiveness. The biggest thing I allowed was not forgiving myself….realizing that I had asked God for his forgiveness and it was given to me, and I asked my husband for forgiveness and it was given to me, but I never forgave myself.

      • Thankyou for being non-judgmental. I do more than enough self-judging. Although I know God loves me I struggle to believe I could be who He created me to be.
        Over 30 years of suppressed memories, including 20 years of dating/marriage to hubby, and then recently we went through the experience of seeing an adult befriend our eldest son, who was only 14 at the time, and displayed grooming behaviours. More guilt for me because I had a feeling it wasn’t right at the beginning but told myself that I can’t let my experience affect the boys and their friendships – not everyone is the same as my uncle, and besides, this was a male/male relationship. So surely my feelings had to be wrong. BUT!! Our son was more scared of disobeying him than any discipline we might have handed out. Thankfully we recognised the signs and were able to put an end to the friendship. Our son has even thanked up for stepping in. He assures us nothing happened, but I know from my own experience that kids don’t always tell the truth, and I know that it doesn’t have to be a complete act to still have a devastating impact in any future relationships if not dealt with properly.
        I am worried because the guy does occasionally bump into our son, who has just turned 16, and makes comments like ‘its only a couple years before we can hang out together again’. He has everything a young teen would like; 4WD, motorbikes, petrol powered remote control cars, the latest gaming console,etc. He now has another boy to fill the place our son had, and while the police have been involved, they have closed the file because he has no record and has every security check he needs due to his employment in border security.
        We may have protected our son but others are at risk and that makes me feel sick.

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