I’ve been reading a lot of articles on blogs recently, trying to get ideas for topics, and I read this article from The Generous Husband…. yes, I read Paul’s articles! They are great!!
The gist of the article revolves around the question “Why?” – Why do men need sex…. why do women need to talk more….. why? Because we need it? Sometimes, though, instead of using this question as a legitimate reason to find an answer, we use it to denounce the need of our spouse.
Take this as an example…. My husband likes for me to sleep naked. Should I ask…
“Why?” – meaning “Oh my goodness. If I sleep naked, he will take that as a cue that I want sex. I am so tired, stressed out, and I really want to go to bed, so maybe I should wear my flannel nightie and my granny panties so he gets the picture.”
“Why?” – meaning after talking to him about it, I find out that “he really loves the closeness he feels toward me when we both trust each other explicitly with our nakedness. He loves the feel of skin to skin contact. It really makes him feel loved when I do.”
So which is it? We all KNOW that the second scenario is the right one, but how many times have we just THOUGHT scenario #1? I know I am guilty of really heavy inward sighs instead of taking the time to find out why it is so important to him. This quote sums it up for me. “If your spouse needs something from you, why they need it is irrelevant to what you need to do. They need it, either you do your best to provide it, or you don’t. The first is loving, the second is not. It is that simple.” As his spouse, I should be meeting his needs (unless his need includes something immoral, illegal, etc….). I am the only person that he wants to meet his needs. If I say no all the time, it’s like giving him a punch in the gut. He feels disrespected. Same hold true for the way our spouses treat us. They should respect our needs, too. When both are being generous spouses and lovers to each other, we experience smooth sailing in our marriages.
So Paul, thank you so much for this article. It is a much needed reminder for us all!