Archive | September 2012

Throwback Thursday: A Tender Touch

I got this from the library of emails from Dr. Gary Chapman, author of  Five Love Languages.  This is the one I need a lot of work on, so I thought I would pass it on in case there are other “SpicyNutmegs” out there needing help with this language….

Keeping emotional love alive in a marriage makes life much more enjoyable. How do we keep love alive after the “in-love” emotions have evaporated? I believe it is by learning to speak each other’s “love language.” This week we will focus on physical touch.

For some husbands, when they hear the words physical touch, they immediately think of sex. But sexual intercourse is only one of the dialects of this love language. Holding hands, kissing, embracing, back rubs, or an arm around the shoulder are all ways of expressing love by physical touch.

Physical touch can make or break a marital relationship. Do you know how to speak this love language? To the spouse whose primary love language is physical touch, nothing is more important than your tender touches. You may give them words of affirmation or gifts, but nothing communicates love like physical touch.

Touches may be explicit and call for your full attention, such as a back rub or sexual foreplay. They can be implicit and require only a moment, such as putting your hand on his shoulder as you pour a cup of coffee. Once you discover that physical touch is the primary love language of your spouse, you are limited only by your imagination. Kiss when you get in the car. It may greatly enhance your travels. Give a hug before you go shopping. You may hear less griping when you return. Remember, you are learning to speak a new language.

When you reach out with tender touch, you create emotional closeness. This is especially true if the primary love language of your spouse is physical touch. You may say, “What if I’m just not a toucher? I didn’t grow up in a touchy-feely family.” The good news is that you can learn to speak this love language. It can begin with a pat on the back, or putting your hand on their leg as you sit together on the couch.

Almost instinctively in a time of crisis, we hug one another. Why? During these times, we need to feel loved more than anything. All marriages will experience crises. Disappointments are a part of life. The most important thing you can do for your wife in a time of crisis is to love her. If her primary love language is physical touch, nothing is more important than holding her as she cries. Your words may mean little, but your physical touch will communicate that you care. In a time of crisis, a hug is worth more than a thousand words. Physical touch is a powerful love language.

How would your husband respond?

Okay, I was perusing news articles on Yahoo tonight while waiting for my honey to get home, and I found this article…..

Six Secret Turn On’s for Men

As I read the article, it suggested there were 6 things that we try not to do that are actual turn ons for men.  Here is a brief synopsis….

1.  He loves that you indulge at dinnertime.  Guys love women who like to eat — not ladies who say they aren’t hungry and then pick at their date’s food all night.

2. He loves your occasional outbursts.    You may worry that it’s not ladylike, but occasionally letting a curse or rant escape your lips at an unexpected moment can be a major turn-on.

3. He loves that you aren’t a neat freak.  Believe it or not, guys find the proliferation of hair products, accessories and unidentified stuff strewn about your apartment oddly endearing.

4. He loves your extra paddingSure, you’ve heard that men love women with curves, but how about those extra pounds you’ve been trying to sweat off at the gym? There’s a good chance that your guy loves them, too.

5. He’s fascinated by your knowledge of the things you’re passionate about.   A man becomes fascinated by whatever it is that gets you all hot and bothered — regardless of whether or not he shares the same interests.

6. He loves a good head rub from youDon’t get me wrong — men love it when you grope their erogenous zones. But that’s not the only type of touch they crave.

Okay, when he got home, I asked my husband what he thought about this article’s suggestion of “turn ons”…. did he agree or disagree.   See, I don’t consider him a “typical male”  (Try it, ladies.  Ask your hubby to read it with you to see what he thinks.)    Mr. Nutmeg went through and said, “nope.  nope.  nope.  nope.  nope.  nope.”  (I kinda thought he would).  While he said some of them he could “slightly” agree with, but for the most part, he didn’t agree with them at all.  So then, I gave him some homework.  I asked him if he could rewrite the article, so to speak, how would HE write it.   And he did.

Now here’s my challenge to you…. get your hubby’s opinion of the article first…. THEN have him read Mr. Nutmeg’s list and see which one he agrees with more.   Here’s Mr. N’s rewrite….

1. Like regular food.  It’s ok to like a Bacon cheeseburger, and ice cream for dessert.   Guys are not impressed (usually) by fancy foods we can’t pronounce or afford

2.  Don’t be afraid to laugh like you mean it at something stupid.  I still remember watching the Letterman show with Spicy, and we laughed so hard at something so stupid that we couldn’t breathe. (“hey, that lady is stealing napkins!”)

3. Don’t be afraid to show a little skin as a tease.  I love looking at Spicy’s cleavage and imagining what could happen later.  I’m not saying you have to dress like a slut, but showing your figure is a huge turn on.

4. Be intelligent.   Nothing is a bigger turn off than realizing the person you are with is brain dead.   Men know they need a partner that can handle things when they aren’t around, or it turns into a frustrating marriage.

5.  Sleep naked.  Nothing is a passion killer than seeing your wife come to bed in a tshirt and granny panties.   Conversely, seeing Spicy coming to bed buck naked gets my heart racing, because I know that at the very least, she’s not shutting out the possibility of some skin to skin contact as we go to sleep, and that can last all night and into the morning.  I can’t tell you how many times we have slept all night naked in each other’s arms, and that led to action either in the middle of the night, or first thing in the morning.  Ladies, if you complain that you husband won’t snuggle, ask yourself if you’re asking him to snuggle with you, or your baggy nightshirt.

6. Tell me you need me in a sexual way.    Text it, say it on the phone, or just tell me in person.   No bigger turn on in the world than sex out of  real desire, instead of sex out of obligation and duty

So, which does he agree with?  Let me know in the comment section below.  (PS…. do your homework on this one…. there’s a poll on it coming this Monday!)