Here’s another email that I got from a reader that could use some help or advice.
She and her husband used vibrators during intercourse for many years. They have decided to put the vibes down and try other things in their marriage bed, but she hasn’t had as much luck with orgasms since losing the vibes. She remembers being able to orgasm through OS with her hubby ages ago, but it was while watching pornography….. her question was “Is there anything you can think of that we can do that might be okay that would replicate that “body buzz” and oral-sex-orgasm I got while we were watching pornography? “
Whilst it wasn’t pornography in the truest sense of the word, I can remember one time while watching an episode of Star Trek: Enterprise … there was a really steamy scene between Captain Archer and his Communications officer, Hoshi. I usually don’t get turned on by TV programs, but for some reason, this scene really got me hot and heavy…. and DH reaped the rewards of it.
After it was all over (the episode and our hot romp in the hay), I felt really guilty that it… I mean, why couldn’t I do that on my own? Why did it take Scott Bakula to get me all hot and heavy? (sigh…..LOL!) I haven’t had that issue since then, but what is it about porn that excites our minds?
Okay, without using porn, here is what I recommend. Evidently, something about the way you used the vibe during intercourse during all those years helped you with your orgasms. You may need to take some time to go back and experiment with the vibes on occasion to figure out how you used it that felt the best. The other thing…. give your hubby plenty of extra time to practice! Once you know how the vibe worked on you, try to simulate some of the same motions with your hubby’s touch or with his tongue. Is there a certain spot on your clitoris that is more sensitive to stimulation? With me, sections of the hood around the clitoris (esp the 7 o’clock position as he looks at me) are very sensitive. Have him gently lick or suck on those areas. My labia are extremely sensitive, so I have him slowly lick from my vagina, up my labia to that 7 o’clock position…. can you say fireworks!?!?!? He can flick his tongue to get the “vibrating” feeling… Also keep in mind that TOO much stimulation on the clitoris can give you a numb feeling, so once you start feeling that, you may want him to do some nipple stimulation or something else at that point. I know that if DH licks my clitoris in a clockwise motion it feels good….counter clockwise….not so good. It’s all part of the practice, which I am sure your hubby would be in agreement on.
I STRONGLY recommend that you NOT go back to porn videos… even though it gave you a strong reaction. That is allowing something else into your marriage bed, which is a sin. Like nicotine, porn is addictive and hard to break.
Any other advice or words of wisdom? Feel free to comment.
I am having the same problem. Do vibes damage the clitoris or have we just trained our bodies to respond to that sensation? I would love to hear if there is any hope for change. I miss OS orgasms – my husband feels like a failure and won’t try anymore : (
He believes that as we age our bodies don’t respond the same and that we just have to accept that we need help from vibes. If
I never heard of vibes possibly damaging the clitoris. I use a vibe during alone time (during underways) and make sure I use lube with it every time. My clit is still intact. I understand it’s quite a sensitive thing and I respond differently to vibe stimulation than with hubby’s hands. The good thing is that he and I are now aware of where I want manual stimulation before I’m ready for the main act.
Relax – you haven’t damaged anything! The thing about vibrators is that they desensitize you, and OS is a lot less intense in sensation than any eletronic equipment. My very first orgasm was through OS, then it became harder & harder to achieve (see what happens when we engage in goal-seeking behavior?!). But still now (at 54 yrs. old), my hubby can bring me to & through an orgasm orally, but it takes longer. AND, I will have had to go without a vibe for a week or so. Is that a problem? NOT!
i think the problem here is over concentration on genitalia. love your man from head to toe, in and out. be absolved with the entire person, not just genitalia. the moment your concentration is him whole and entire and he on you whole and entire, only normal sex will get you there.