Am I the Only One?

I had an email come in recently (and thank you all for being PATIENT with my slowness for answering emails.  I am going through a really hard, emotional and stressful period of my life.  Satan is trying to get me down, but I continue to look to the cross for my hope!)   It was from a woman who has a high drive and her hubby’s does not.   She has to be the initiator in her marriage bed, but sometimes it is upsetting to her and it makes her feel he doesn’t desire her.  He has no problems “performing” (his word), and she has tried a lot of things.   She is wondering if there are other readers going through this issue and what you can tell her to encourage her.

I will be honest here.  I am not the pursuer in my marriage.  My hubby is.   I try my hardest to make him feel wanted, but I know I fall short more often than I hit the mark.  I know through numerous conversations with him, that it really makes him feel wanted when I initiate sex, but I am one that needs to be “warmed up” before I really start to get in the mood.   I really don’t fantasize.  There are times of the day that I won’t even let myself go there (esp. when I am at work)  I am not very creative in bed, but I do know what positions that he gets the ultimate pleasure in, so when I know there will be no fireworks for me that day, I get into a position I know he loves, so I can bless him.

So, that leaves it to you, my dear readers.   Anyone else here in the same boat?  What suggestions to you have for the low drive spouse to help make the high drive spouse feel desired?  What has worked for you?

3 thoughts on “Am I the Only One?

  1. I am sometimes in the same boat. My hubby does initiate sometimes, but I wish it was more. I don’t have any solution but I thought I would comment and tell you some things we have tried. We have had a lot of conversations about it, and he realized that maybe there is a chemical problem for him. So we are trying an herbal supplement that is supposed to help his testosterone levels. I go thru phases when I want it everyday, or even multiple times a day, and that doesn’t really happen. I try not to take it personal….easier said than done. But keeping the communication open can help. Even if he doesn’t want to have sex, I’ve read that just having cuddling, skin to skin time can help. We haven’t tried that yet, but I think we might need to. Also, I’ve tried to spice it up w/ different positions, I sent him sexy “coupons”, written him sexy notes, gotten some fancy lingerie, got out some whipped cream, etc. There is a sex survey somewhere on this site, or on the Christian Nymphos site, and it could be really useful to find out more about him and what he likes/doesn’t like. Then go with that. Also, it helps teach him what you like/want. Above it says you’ve tried “alot of different things.” Not sure what you have tried, so my list might be useless to you, I don’t know. Just trying to throw some ideas out, and I pray that things can change, even a little bit, for you!

  2. Most of the time my DH has a higher drive than me other than a couple days of a month. We shower together a lot and the other day he was so pleased that I reached out and touched him first while we were getting in the shower. I’m a slow one to warm up but that seemed to give him extra incentive to get the kettle boiling. So that makes me think that it isnt necessarily about planning a big sex fest they just want to know that you were thinking about them and not just in a could you change the oil in my car this week kind if way… But in a could I check your love tank and give you a top up and maybe fill your jerry can while im at it.

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