Archive | August 2012

Make Up Sex

Okay, now I have got your attention…

DH and I just got through the most wonderful day of make up sex.   I thank God for his gift of sex, but I REALLY thank God for the gift of make up sex!

DH and I went through a few days of total miscommunication and lack of trust.  I am definitely a guilty party in this event, and we both spent a couple days avoiding each other, not talking to each other, going to bed at different times from each other so we could avoid each other even more, sleeping with our backs to each other.  Our original disagreement was totally off the wall.   I wanted to talk to him about something that had occurred and I wasn’t really crazy about.  So somehow, trying to talk to him, using “I feel like” terminology, turned into us both getting so angry at each other and he ended up leaving the room slamming the door.  It was crazy!  I was in tears all day.  Anything and everything made me cry.   I tried to talk it out with some of my Spice sisters (who are the best!) and I even caught myself saying something I truly never would even consider or do…..

Granted, I am still considering looking into talking to a counselor about issues that he brought up in our disagreement.  I know I have things that I need to work on.   But that’s not the point of this article…. 🙂

We had a break through on Tuesday.   We decided that when we were both home from work and our son was home from band practice, that we would go out grocery shopping so we would have time to talk.   And talk we did.  Worked out SO MUCH that should have been done on Sunday and would have saved a lot of stupidity on our part (lack of communication caused SO MUCH)…. that night, we shipped our DD off to bed, and DH announced he was taking a shower…. and while in the shower, I joined him.  That’s when the fireworks went off.

Now, I don’t recommend picking a fight every other day with your hubby just for the sex, but it was the most intimate time we have had with each other in a long time.   I was consumed with him, and he was with me as well.    It was an amazing night.

Your experiences?  I can’t explain the euphoria.  Even the following day, all I could think of was him at work.   I sent him suggestive texts in our text code… Wonderful.  Thank you, Lord for make up sex.  Wow.

I love him because….

I have really needed to bring back this article….. I need to redo this list and remind myself of a lot of things.

It is so very easy to look at our husbands and see the bad….admit it, sometimes we see the dirty clothes all over the floor, the toothpaste tube squeezed from the middle, the kids need baths and he’s watching football on tv, I made this wonderful dinner and he didn’t even bother to call me to tell me he was late!   All of these things compound up, day after day, but have you taken the time to look for the positive?

Love, what is it?  A feeling?  No.   Feelings come and go like waves lapping on the beach.   Love is a commitment.  Love works through that laundry on the floor and sees the man who fixed your washing machine so you don’t have to drag all your unmentionables back down to the laundrymat again this week.   Love looks past all the wrongs, the faults, the sin…and sees him through God’s eyes.   A cherished human being that God sacrificed his Son for.  Agape.  That’s what love is.   It’s not a crush, you don’t love him like ice cream (well, maybe you do…), but it’s self sacrificing love.

Here’s my challenge to you.   Sit down and instead of writing down all his faults, take a moment and finish this statement with 10 answers

I love him because….

Here’s mine…in no particular order

I love him because….

1.  he loves me unconditionally.

2.  he can do anything he sets his mind to.

3.  he is a wonderful father to our two children.

4. he is a gentle and thoughtful lover.

5.  he is so devoted to his family.

6.  he works 6 days a week to provide for us and to care for his ailing father.

7.  he calls me sexy on a daily basis.

8.  he pursued me relentlessly, and helped me to see he was whom God intended for me.

9.  he would never leave me or forsake me for any reason.

1o.  he’s my best friend.

Can you do it?   If you don’t want to post it in the comment section, write them out and put it in a special place where he’ll find it.  You will make his day!  Happy writing!!  :)

Sex Headaches

While I don’t believe that I have ever experienced this personally, I have heard of women who have headaches during or soon after intercourse.   I decided to do some reading on this topic to find out some more information.

Sex headaches are headaches brought on by sexual activity — especially an orgasm. You may notice a dull ache in your head and neck that builds up as sexual excitement increases. Or, more commonly, you may experience a sudden, severe headache just before or during orgasm. The most common headache happens with basically no warning and usually during the build up of an orgasm.   You may notice a dull ache on the sides of your head, jaw clenching, neck tension, and can intensify as sexual excitement increases.  They can last for 30 minutes to 2 hours.

What causes these?  The head and neck muscles can tighten up during sexual activity that causes a headache to start.  It could also be a response to increased blood pressure and heart rate during orgasm.  I know I would probably be more susceptible to headaches while I have sinus infections, too.

In some cases, your first sex headache may also be your last one. And many sex headaches last for such a short period of time, the pain is gone before any pill you take can work. If they are severe and/or chronic, you will want to consult your doctor.  Your doctor might prescribe either beta blockers daily (if you are prone to them a lot) or indomethacin or triptans can be prescribed and taken as a preventative.  Only your doctor can choose a plan that is best for you.

So, what is your experience?  Have you ever had these?  How do you manage them?  Let’s get your feedback!

Multiple Orgasms (part 2)

Whenever I heard of a woman saying that their orgasms would last forever or come right after one another I usually assumed that they were over exaggerating.  Then it happened.  I experienced this wonderful phenomenon for myself.  My husband and I were making love and I actually had to ask him to stop because it was just going and going.  The only analogy I can think of is riding this wave of pleasure but instead of coming down from the crest I just kept going and going.

These types of orgasms usually come from a little luck and a lot of hard work.  First my body had to learn how to shorten my refractory time to nothing.  You read that correctly, women have a refractory time too.  I talked about how to do this in “Multiple Orgasms; Part One”.  Once you master sequential orgasms then your body may start having these “bunches of  o’s”.

Bunches of O’s:  This type of orgasm comes one after the otherin a continuous string until you decide to stop.   They are much less common then the sequential o’s but they are possible.  You just need to work at shortening the time between your sequential o’s and with some persistence these “Bunches of O’s” can be achieved.  Instead of basking in the glow like we discussed in part one of this series you keep the stimulation going constantly. The last time I had one of these my poor husband thought he was going to have to perform CPR.  Do I have this type of contraction every time I have an orgasm?  No, but when they happen it is a nice surprise.

Warning:  If this is making you lose focus on what lovemaking is really about then it is not worth it.  Becoming one with your spouse is much more satisfying then any orgasm.  Trying for multiple orgasms should be a fun thing not something that consumes you. These are much easier to obtain if you just happen to ‘fall upon them’.  Meaning, don’t think about them too much. If you find yourself frustrated then just go with the one orgasm.  Quality is far better then quantity.   

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Throwback: Multiple Orgasms (part 1)

Are you one of those women who think that she isn’t capable of having multiple orgasms?  Every woman is capable of having them. I’m going to try to explain how they can be achieved and what the different types are.  Grab yourself a snack, a drink and a positive attitude and we will be on our way!!!.

Sequential O’s:  Having multiple orgasms is a learned response.  If you are going to teach yourself first, a bullet or vibe may work better then your fingers.  Get nice and comfortable.  Think of how you can bring yourself to orgasm without over stimulating your clitoris.  In the past an ultra sensitive clitoris has been what has held me back from going for more but with time and retraining of my brain I have learned to get past it.  If your husband is a willing participant then having him performing oral or using a toy on you first would be ideal.  I wrote some oral tips in my “Pleasing Your Wife” article.  Once you do have that first orgasm bask in the afterglow for a minute and slowly begin exploring again.  You want to keep that clitoris engorged so don’t bask too long!!!

This second orgasm will take longer to achieve because your body is not use to going for more.  You may be sensitive when you first start again but keep working through it just be gentle.  After that ultra sensitive time period has passed you can begin using more pressure to bring that second O on.  If I am doing this solo I like using a dual stimulator at this point.  This allows penetration, possible G spot stimulation and stimulation of my clitoris as well. Here are some examples of dual vibrators. My husband is always willing and eager to help bring the second one along particularly if I brought the first one on solo.  We like either oral or the woman on top position that I discussed in my “Cowgirl” article.  Obviously you should get into what ever position sends you to ecstasy the easiest.  After your second orgasm make note of how long it took you.  We are trying to get them as close together as possible.  The more you try to achieve multiple o’s the easier it will become.  Just like so many other things, practice makes perfect!   After sequential orgasms are obtained you are ready for what I like to refer to as “Bunches of O’s” which I will discuss in part two of this segment.

We all know that you need to learn how to crawl before you can walk.  If you haven’t been able to have an orgasm then let me first encourage you explore your body and learn how to bring yourself to orgasm.   Cumingirl’s article “Touching Yourself” has some great tips.  Once you are comfortable enough to have one with your husband or by yourself in a short amount of time then you are ready to try for multiples.  Try bringing yourself to orgasm throughout your cycle.  Where you are in your cycle does effect how easily you can orgasm.  Remember that a positive attitude is everything!

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