Archive | June 2012

Lord, Heal Me and Help Me Care for My Body

Oh, the Lord knows how much I need this chapter.

I do not take care of my body.   My attitude stinks when it comes to eating and exercising.  You see that avatar that I post on each and every post that I write?  That was probably me when I graduated from high school and that was 27 years ago.   I went to college….and gained weight.  I got married….and gained weight.   I got pregnant… and gained a lot of baby weight that I didn’t work on getting off, so 7 years later when I got pregnant again, I was at a “better” weight, but I still am about 37 pounds overweight according to BMI (which I totally dislike BMI… it is NOT a good gauge of a healthy person…)  Seriously…. when I dropped from “Overweight” to “Normal” in the BMI scale, I was thinner, but I didn’t like how thin it made certain areas of my body.   It didn’t look natural.

But I digress from the point of this topic.  I stink at will power.

So, I am probably about 30 pounds or so overweight.   I need to take care of my body.   And that takes discipline.

Discipline I lack in my time in the Bible.  Discipline I lack in my prayer life.  Discipline that I need to get on  my knees and ask God to help me with.

I’ve probably beat this story like a dead horse, but I had a really dear friend who had breast cancer in her mid-20’s.  She got sick.  Went through chemo.  Went through surgeries.   We prayed for healing.  We laid hands on her.   In the end, she passed away, succumbing to breast cancer.   We all, myself included, prayed that God would heal her so we could have more time with her.   It wasn’t until I became aware that, yes, God is a healer, but sometimes the healing comes in Heaven.  I started praying for healing again for her, and that if it was God’s will for her to be healed on this side of Heaven, that he would.  But I also released her to God if the healing needed to happen with her dying to us, but living with him.   And that’s what happened.  What did she do wrong to contract cancer so young?  Nothing.  Cancer latches on and is an evil tool that Satan uses in his arsenal.  My own mother suffers from cancer and is at this time undergoing chemotherapy.  My mom is the LAST person that I feel should ever get cancer, and Satan knows that.   Did she do anything wrong?  No, she has been the picture perfect vision of Christ to me my entire life.   When I was so obsessed all my young life with my Dad, she sat back and waited, knowing there would be a time when I would seek her out, just like God does.  He allows us free will, knowing full well, that those of us who believe in him may stray and sin, but we always come back to him for repentance and redemption.     Sometimes our bodies get sick.   There is nothing wrong with praying for healing.  Miracles happen.  I have a dear friend that is a coworker who has a new lease on life with an organ transplant that God provided for her from a complete stranger who she now calls her “grafted sister”.  Miracles do happen.  Our bodies can and do heal.

But it is our responsibility to take care of this temple that the Holy Spirit resides in.  I’ve given the Holy Spirit a dump of a place to live.   I need to change that.  He deserves a much better place to live.   I need God’s help and guidance as to what is best for my body.  I need to pray to him to help remove all cravings for sweets that are bad for me, and to give me cravings for his delicious fruits he gives me… natures candy.   I need to get on the bandwagon.  Thank you, Stormie, for this chapter.  It comes at a time in my life where I am really struggling.   Thank you for the words to help me begin my spiritual journey to a healthier body.

What about you?

Throwback Thursday: How do I ask for oral sex?

“My husband has never given me oral sex and is uncomfortable talking about sex in general.  I love to go down on him and he really enjoys it too.  Any suggestions on asking him to go down and give it a try?  I kind of feel like if he hasn’t taken the initiative maybe he doesn’t want to do it.  I feel embarrassed to ask but I’d really like to have the experience.”

What a very sensitive subject!  I can certainly understand your desire to want to experience it, but how to go about asking for it can be somewhat intimidating.  Well, let’s talk about a few things that may help to pave the way for your husband giving you oral sex.

Hygiene. If you want your husband sticking his face between your legs, then make sure you are CLEAN!  When you shower, make sure that you are cleaning around your vulva lips, hair (if you have hair), and perineum and anus area.  The simple truth is that we women self lubricate, and when you combine that with sweat and using the bathroom during the day… it can make for some unappealing odors.  If you have hair, be aware that it can trap odors, making them worse.  If you don’t have hair, be aware that the smooth skin can actually sometimes sweat worse because it doesn’t have the hair as a ‘buffer.’  I like to keep myself shaved bare, but I also like to go commando most of the time.  I have learned that in skirts and dresses I may actually need the panties to help absorb sweat and cut down on odors on warm days.  So I compromise with thongs.  🙂

Opportunity. If it’s cunnilingus you want, then make sure you are giving him opportunities to try it out.  Instead of always kneeling to give him oral sex, which always puts your genitals out of reach, change things up a bit.  While you are lying on the sofa or bed making out, turn your upper body downward toward his feet and lean over and start giving him oral sex with your vulva still up near his face.  Open your legs slightly and let him see.  If you’re daring enough then finger yourself while you are giving him oral pleasure.  These things will be open invitations for him to touch you.

69. You could always bring up the subject of doing “69” together and see what he thinks/feels about it.  You could even bring him to our website and show him our position #46 and ask him if he’s willing to try it out.  This is basically the same thing as asking him to perform oral sex on you, except you are not having to use those specific words, and you will be giving to each other mutually.  I normally prefer the more direct approach, but because you say he is uncomfortable talking about sex in general, I thought that this would be a way to ask for it without having to ask for it.  This would be basically the same thing as giving him a BIG hint that you want to try it.

Be Direct. If you have been working overtime on the cleanliness and have given him opportunities and hints and nothing still seems to be working, then maybe you should just be direct with him.  I know that you said he isn’t comfortable talking about sexual things, but sometimes we need a little encouragement to come out of our ‘comfort zone’ in order to grow.  I would suggest that you pick a time to talk to him outside of your marriage bed.  In other words, don’t wait until you are in the middle of sex to mention it.  Tell him you’d like to sit down and talk to him about something and ask when would be a good time.  Make sure you two are alone and have each other’s undivided attention.  Start off by telling him some of the things that you love about your sex life.  Mention things that he does or says that make you melt.  Then say that you’d like to have a conversation about anything new you two might like to try together, and ask him if anything is on his mind that he’d like to try… maybe a new position etc.  Listen to what he has to say. Then at some point mention that you’ve been wondering what it would be like to receive oral sex.  “Honey, do you think that is something we could try?” Hopefully the conversation will go further and you two can discuss it.

If you absolutely do not think you will be able to get him to talk to you about sexual things, then you could always write it out for him to find.  Two ways are using email or a notebook.  You can write out your thoughts and feelings into the first page of a notebook and leave it on his side of the bed.  Tell him one evening that you wrote him a note and that you’d very much like for him to write you a note back in reply if he can.  That way maybe he will be able to write out his thoughts to you easier than saying them out loud face to face.  (This method has worked for other couples that have the same issues with talking.)  You can keep the journal in a nightstand and write back and forth to each other whenever you need to.

You may find that your husband feels inadequate at giving oral sex.  He may be too scared to try because he doesn’t have any experience with it and doesn’t know how to start.  If that’s the case then feel free to print out any of our articles pertaining to oral sex!  Here are some that you may be interested in:

(note: these links take you back to christiannymphos.org)

original article

Q&A: How do we increase our lovemaking per week?

I had a couple write to me from my Got Questions page.  Here is your chance to help out, too.  Here is the gist of their email without revealing the whole thing….

*married over 7 years

*both are high drive

*porn is a problem from the past and that spouse is trying to commit to never going back to it.

*fear of getting pregnant by one spouse; they have agreed mutually not to have children, but haven’t gotten anything permanently done to prevent it yet.

*they would like to be a 3-4 times a week instead of once a month.

Where to start…

The first thing I would recommend, is to sit down and communicate about what both of you want out of your sex life.   Let her talk first, repeat back to her what you have heard, but mostly, just listen.  No words, no ugly faces… just listen.   Then reverse it, so the husband gets to talk, no comments, etc from the wife…she just listens.  Think about what each other has just said.   Never do this at home in the bedroom.   Take a date night to Starbucks, or ask for a private booth at your favorite restaurant.    Is the porn usage a big issue?  If so, turn over all the “keys” you have to your spouse…. if you can view it from your Smartphone, you may want to look into something that will not allow you to use the internet.  Have your computer in a public, open area in the house, where no secrets can be kept.  Give your spouse all your passwords (well, spouses should have each other’s passwords anyways).   Is the pregnancy risk an issue?  What are you doing in the meantime to prevent pregnancy?  Is birth control an issue?  (One spouse having to do all the birth control)  If the wife is on birth control, is it one that is diminishing her libido.  BC KILLED my libido.   I refuse to take it anymore.   DH and I have 2 kids… we don’t want anymore.  We haven’t done anything permanent yet either…. he’s uninsured, so a “V” is really expensive cash payment for us.  I am insured, but having any kind of surgery would take me out of commission for awhile and I have a hard time leaving other people in charge at work.   So for the time being, we use the pull out method…. Of course, that method isn’t good for most, but that’s our solution for the moment.    Is stress getting in the way from work?  Relationships within your families strained?  Depression?

I would really need more information to know how to give more advice, so I am throwing out the first things that come to mind.  So, reading family, what advice would you give?