Throwback Thursdays: Touching yourself

Orgasm… It’s a wonderful euphoric feeling. It’s a high. It’s a stress reducer. It’s also something that can be learned. Masturbation for women can serve several purposes:

  1. It can give a good quick orgasm when one is needed.
  2. It can rev up your sex drive.
  3. It can help you learn how to orgasm more easily with your husband.

So, how should you do it? Women masturbate in different ways. Some like humping or grinding themselves up against something such as a pillow or edge of a mattress. This can be beneficial to making love. If you can bring yourself to orgasm by this method (hands free), then the woman on top position may be for you! Women who like to be on top while making love say that they like to move around and grind their clitoris against their husband’s pubic bone or flexed abdominal muscles. They can bring themselves to orgasm better this way instead of just pumping up and down on his penis.

Then there is the hands on method. If you can bring yourself to orgasm using your own hand and fingers, then you will be more likely to orgasm by your husband’s touch. You will be able to teach him how to touch you the way your body likes it. Set aside some alone time and practice. Explore yourself and see what feels good. Not sure how to get started? I have some tips.

Make sure that you have plenty of alone time where there will be no interruptions and distractions. Get naked and get comfortable! You may prefer a hot bath or the bed. If you do not self lubricate well, then have a bottle of lube on hand. Sitting in front of a mirror can also be erotic and help put you in the mood. Pick a comfortable position and start touching yourself in all your erogenous zones. You know what feels good to you. If it helps, stick your fingers in your mouth and get them wet. Then trace them over your body, your neck, your nipples, your thighs, all the while imagining that it is your husband’s tongue. When you make it to your vulva, open your legs wide. Lick your fingers again or apply lube if needed. You want your fingers to be able to glide smoothly. Rub all around your vulva, from top to bottom, grazing over your clitoris from time to time. Tease yourself. Let it build. If you want to, then use your other hand to insert a couple of fingers into your vagina at the same time. (A toy can also be used.) This will help to provide g-spot stimulation at the same time. If you like anal play, then lube up your back side and allow your fingers to caress that as well. Some women like gentle caressing while others like penetration of the anus.

When you can’t wait any longer, focus your attentions on your clitoris. Do what feels good for you. If you like direct stimulation, then go for it! You can use the palm of your hand or the tips of your fingers. Back and forth or around in circles. Gentle touches or firmer pressure. Increase your pace while you imagine your husband watching, or helping, or making love to you. If it helps talk dirty to yourself out loud or in your mind. Say those things that you love to hear. Say the things that help to send you over the top. Sometimes really deep breathing or even holding your breath can help to put you over the top. When you orgasm, do what feels natural. If you need to move around, then do so! If you need to scream or moan or say something, then let go and say it! Ride the waves as they spasm throughout your body. Keep going until you can’t take it anymore. Some women can have multiples by continuing to apply pressure to the clitoris after the first orgasm. (Peppermint Girl wrote a nice two-part article on Multiple Orgasms.) Just do what feels good for you. Afterwards, enjoy your come down time.

There are many different variables to consider when touching yourself. Each woman is different. Masturbating is a very safe and totally natural way to learn how your body responds to touch. It can help a woman learn how to reach orgasm more easily with her husband. Doing it regularly can also really increase your sex drive. It will make you feel more sexual and your body will become accustomed to having frequent orgasms. In turn you will want sex with your husband more…and he will be a happy man! I’d love to hear from you ladies out there. Is there a great position that you have found that you like to masturbate in? Do you incorporate toys into your playtime? Do you include your husband in your masturbating sessions or give him a show?  Timid and inexperienced women need to hear from those of us who have suggestions and advise to lend. Please feel free to leave comments!

If you would like to read the comments on the original article on Christian Nymphos, please click here.

9 thoughts on “Throwback Thursdays: Touching yourself

  1. I am sorry but I disagree wholeheartedly with your point of view. Masturbation is completely selfish and self centered. I have struggled with this my whole life and the consequences of masturbation are endless. It does not cause you to have a higher sex drive, maybe for yourself, but not for your mate who doesn’t know how to please you just as well as you please yourself. It actually causes you to feel shame because God did not intend for you to gain orgasm by yourself, he created marriage for that. Our culture is full of these lies. A man thinks he knows the right way, but in the end it leads to death. I pray you realize the truth before the consequences are too great.

    • I personally believe there is a fine line in what you are saying. I know women personally who cannot orgasm during intercourse….in fact, they have never had an orgasm, and this is a good way for them to learn their own bodies, so they can communicate what works for them to their husbands. Where sin drifts in is when it becomes a tool that separates you from your husband. Sin is in your heart if you choose to masturbate instead of intercourse. Sin comes in if you are thinking of other men while masturbating instead of your husband. Masturbation CAN increase sexual desire in women, so that they can and will have intercourse with their husbands more often. It has with me in the past. Do I need to do it now? No. I am satisfied completely with intercourse with my husband. But when I was newly married and couldn’t have an orgasm, yeah, I did. It helped me to learn my body better so I could communicate to my hubby what would help him to help me orgasm.

      I ask all readers to please not judge everyone’s intent with this topic as bad. That is legalism. There is nothing in the bible that says that masturbation is a sin. What makes it a sin is when you let sin into your heart while masturbating. Sin can come into your heart while doing just about anything…. reading, watching tv, on the internet….those particular things are not bad things, but can be used for evil.

      • Ok as I have said we are working on things but for the time he is gone till February (we are not separated he is paying for his actions from before he found Christ) my question is is it wrong for me to masterbate while he’s away?? It is still shared with him & him only just in a different way than most..

  2. Firstly I just wanted to say that I’m glad to have found your new home here in the blogosphere! I missed seeing updates on CN! 🙂 Also, I would add that it is SUCH a blessing to see this topic addressed in a Biblically correct manner. So many women have unfulfilling sex and/or shame about their bodies because they’re afraid to touch themselves! So sad. God doesn’t want us to be unfulfilled in our marital relationships! That does not mean that masturbation should be a replacement for your husband…it can be if done with wrong intentions, however. You have to know yourself and your spouse to be able to find the level at which you’re comfortable with it. For me and DH, I find it has greatly enhanced our lovemaking because a) he LOVES to watch, b) I can bring myself right to the edge of orgasm in anticipation of making love later that evening, and let him “finish the job”, and c) I can try out a new toy, technique, lube, etc. on myself to be sure I am comfortable with it and enjoy it, to spare him the awkwardness of trying something that might wreck the mood if it doesn’t work. Then I can say to him boldly, “You know what I REALLY want you to do?” which he absolutely loves to hear. 😉
    With all due respect to the original “anonymous” comment, insisting that the Bible says something which it doesn’t say takes power and credibility away from the things it says very clearly. It’s legalism, and it has no place in the marriage bed. Neither does condemnation, i.e., “I pray you realize the truth before the consequences are too great.” The TRUTH here is that sexual intimacy in marriage is a wonderful, beautiful gift that is meant to be enjoyed…not a list of do’s and don’ts.

  3. I’ve struggled with this topic for years and have a few things to say about it.
    I was introduced to sexuality in general at a very young age and struggled daily with masturbation and the shame that came with it since I was early school aged. Because it was introduced outside of marriage, I believe it was sinful and came with it long-lasting consequences, just like the 1st commenter mentioned. But the blood of Christ is able to wash away every sin and restore us. I still struggled with the shame aspect of this once I got married, but that was mainly from routines and lies that had to be broken. I learned to fight for what is rightfully mine/ours through the redeeming work of the cross. Our marriage and the intimacy we’ve been gifted with is ours to enjoy, protect, and explore. I still have residual hesitations and preferences (aka, consequences of my past sin) but God is a gentleman and is allowing me to work through those gradually with my husband.

    I think the article will be very helpful to point “timid and inexperienced women” in the right direction to help them find what is right for them, or even encourage them to explore. It should never replace the intimacy a husband and wife share, but if it enhances it, why not? A lot of us gals were brought up to think it was “naughty” to touch ourselves. But as long as it’s within the confines of a healthy, God-loving marriage, I have a hard time believing it will harm. It can be very beneficial to know how our bodies work (or don’t work!), and to be able to help our husbands feel better about what they’re doing. There are times when what my husband is doing just isn’t quite cutting it, but if/when I give an extra hand (figuratively and literally!) we both feel better about the experience. They can’t read our minds. But if we don’t know ourselves what feels good, that makes them reading our minds even that much harder!!

    As far as the practical advice you’re asking for, I do have a few suggestions. 🙂 (this is the fun part!) We usually use manual play as foreplay, helping me to physically get warmed up. I actually find I like it when my husband rubs gently with my panties on. (when I’m in the mood for it, however…when I’m not, it’s annoying!) It seems to transfer the sensation indirectly to the whole area in a way that direct touching can’t do. We’ve also found enjoyment in both of us doing the manual play at the same time, each to the other person or both to the same person, guiding their hands and/or just feeling their hands do what feels good. It can be exciting to be part of the action with your husband! 🙂 And like I said before, sometimes just having just the right spot touched at the right moment, can hep accentuate what my husband is already doing and bring the orgasm for me and many times him too. We are both ultimately gaining intimacy from our time together, so does it really matter who “causes” it? 🙂

  4. @ spicymamma I don’t see how it would be wrong to masturbate while your hubby is away, provided there is a strong bond of trust between the two of you. I’m a Navy wife, and last summer (June-December) he was deployed overseas. We had talked about buying sex toys (specifically a vibrator for me) long before he was deployed. I finally got one about a month after I took him to the airport so he could fly out and meet up with the ship, and we communicated through email to keep the chemistry going. Sometimes we talked about my toy. I told him I could climax, but it wasn’t the same without him, seeing it made me wish for him to be there to “finish the job”, if you will.

    Bottom line, he trusted me and we kept the communication open during those months of separation. If the same is evident in your marriage, I say go for it! 😉

  5. What are your favorite ways to masturbate (techniques)? Do any of you do the “humping or grinding up against something such as a pillow or edge of a mattress” that SpicyNutmeg talks about? How often do you masturbate? Do any of you have a really high sex drive that requires more relief than your hubby can keep up with? If you own a variety of vibrators, which ones are you favorites? I would like to start collecting various toys to incorporate in our little boudoir. Knowing which ones you would highly recommend and which ones you were disappointed in, would be most helpful!

    Hope you hear from y’all soon! And thanks too, for your willingness to share. I find it really helpful.
    T

  6. i feel masturbation is perfectly fine in a marriage so long as you are not engaging in porn or fanatasy about others. Without masturbation i would have never learned so much about my body and i was even able to teach myself how to ejaculate which my husband goes nuts for. I know its not for everyone but i would recommend you give it a try, it surprised me how much it helped our sex life.

    Sandra

  7. I have an issue that I need a bit of help with. Since I’ve been pregnant, I prefer masturbation over sex with my husband. I think of him when I do it, but when it comes to having sex I’m having a hard time reaching orgasm or feeling good in general. I thought it was just because I’m uncomfortable, but even if he does oral or manual stimulation I’m having a hard time and I feel bad that he has to put in so much work for me to have a medicore orgasm. I try really hard not to masturbate to see if I can sort of “build myself up” for sex, but that doesn’t work either :(. Idk what to does anyone else have this same issue?

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