I have a really hard time initiating sex. I grew up thinking (and this is a misconception, btw) is that it isn’t ladylike to initiate. Where did I get that idea? Who knows? Maybe from all the Harelquin Romance novels I read where you get romanced and swept off your feet? Maybe from all the soap operas I watched for 10 years or so?
It is completely acceptable to initiate sex with your husband. And one thing that I learned from all of this, HE LOVES IT! It is a huge turn on for him! He doesn’t feel like he has to do all the work when it comes to intercourse. It has been a very hard thing for me to learn to do because it makes me step outside my 40 something comfort zone. THAT IS HARD! In all the books I read as an older teen/young 20’s woman, the man romances the pants off the woman, so what in the world could I do to change that in my life?
If you need an idea, I once gave my husband an all over massage. Get some massage oil of your choice, some lotion or even some coconut oil (yes, I said coconut oil!) and get him stripped down on the bed. Get naked yourself. The only rule…..he is not allowed to touch ANYTHING on you until you say so! Start with him on his stomach and slowly massage away all the tension in his shoulders, back, lower back, butt and legs. Use oil liberally. If his legs are spread when you are working on his legs, run your tongue over the boys to drive him wild. When he flips over, start back at his shoulder and chest area and down his abdomen….purposefully saving his manhood for later and massage all around that area and his legs. If he is really enjoying his massage, you will see evidence there by now! Run your tongue up his shaft. If you have some flavored lube, some caramel or chocolate, whipped cream, you might want to add it and take in the delight of his erection. Drive him wild…all the while, he cannot touch you until you are ready for intercourse with him…..or just finish him off in your mouth….whatever you choose.
Yes, I am taking baby steps in my journey to overcome the fear and intimidation of rejection or not pleasing him when I initiate….he is so appreciative when I go out of my way to do something for him to enhance the intimacy in our marriage bed.
In my marriage at the moment, I am the only one initiating because my husband is now lacking the desire. We put it down to being overly tired due to his IT job. So he is having a holiday at the moment to catch up on rest so hopefully things will get better.
My husband and I set a day that we would enjoy intimacy without things getting in the way so amongst our busy schedules we always made time and for that day we bought this jar with a lid on it and we have placed little pieces of paper inside with little things we wanted to do with each other on that day and one of us picks from the jar and that is what we do on the day. It is kind of a fun little thing where we are both initiating something at least once a week. Just an idea.