I was thinking about how important friendships are to children. Young children will even pal around with a pet, stuffed animal or have imaginary friends. In our teen years our friends have a big influence over the type of personality we develop. As we get married many women lose their identity. Sometimes we get ultra focused on pleasing our husband that we lose sight of the things we enjoyed before we were married. I am not saying that you should be hanging out in clubs with your girlfriends if that’s what you did with them prior to being married. You can easily connect with a friend on a short walk or over a cup of coffee. All you really need is one good friend. Quality is much more important than quantity. It is great to know that I have friends with whom I can laugh, cry, pray with, vent to or get advice from. My friends are some of my biggest fans as well as my toughest critics and I know it is because they love me unconditionally.

It is a known fact that friendships can lower blood pressure, heart rates, cholesterol and stress. Have you ever become so consumed in an activity with a friend that issues that had been hanging over your head suddenly took a back burner for a bit? It is a great feeling to be able to pray or laugh with a friend when times are tough.

In the past I have become so consumed with trying to be a good wife and a good mother that I lose my sense of self. While it’s true that I am a wife as well as a mother, I am also my own person. It is so important to have interests outside marriage. In the long run they enrich the quality of my marriage. Plus, my husband fell in love with that person so why would I ever want to get rid of her?

original article

Let me start by saying that I have extremely sensitive skin. I have eczema and have to use special soap that costs nearly $6 per bar. I also cannot use any type of bath oils, bath beads, bubble bath, etc., because if I do I will get a UTI, guaranteed. I’ve learned over the years what I can and can’t use, and I usually stick with the things that I know are okay for me.

Well, the grocery store was out of my regular Skintimates shave gel last weekend, so I picked up some Gillette Satin Care. I didn’t really think anything about it. It was a vanilla scented kind and I love vanilla. I used it twice to shave down there. It wasn’t until I was about to use it a third time, that my eyes were suddenly opened…I WAS ALLERGIC TO THE NEW SHAVE GEL! Why did I not realize that before? So I just washed myself with my nice expensive soap, and I rinsed off real good with hot water. I did this again a few times over the next two days, and then my symptoms went away.

So I wasted a perfectly good prescription all because I was allergic to the shave gel. I really should have known better. It’s very frustrating to be so ultra sensitive to so many different things. I even have to use special laundry detergent (dye free, fragrance free, etc.). My mother is the same way, and I’m already seeing the same issues in my children.

I guess this was mainly written as a vent. I assume there are other women out there who have skin issues like I do, but my girlfriends don’t seem to battle with these issues. I thought that maybe some of you out there may be able to relate to this though…

original article

For this position you will need two pieces of comfortable furniture such as the bed, sofa, chair, ottoman, or cushioned stool.  The wife will lie back onto something (an ottoman works great) and then put her feet up onto a higher piece of furniture or counter/table.  It actually works great if she can bend her knees over the other piece of furniture.  The other way to get into position is to have the wife lie down on one narrow but long piece of furniture.  Something like a chaise.  She will then need to raise her knees up and put her feet flat down.

The husband will stand over his wife, straddling her.  He will face her feet.  He can then insert his penis in between her lubed thighs and thrust.  He will be able to use his hands to compress her thighs together making it tighter for him.  He can also thrust right at her vertex so that his penis is rubbing up against her clitoris, giving her pleasure!

Pros: This is a great position to use when PIV isn’t possible!

Cons: It may be difficult to find the furniture needed to make this work.

original post

That can only mean one thing: my period will be here soon.

That is a bummer for a variety of reasons, the least of which is that GingerPapa and I have both been under the weather lately and there hasn’t been as much conjugal activity as usual. So now I’m getting ready for 5-6 days of The Red Menace, and I’m in the mood for love.

What to do?

Well, there are all sorts of things that we can do. Now granted, for the first couple of days I’m crampy and sore and want to be left alone. But by the third day we have to start making alternate arrangements.

Before I even start the list I want to mention that I know very well that some people go ahead and have intercourse during their period. We’ve tried it, but I just don’t care for it. If it works for you, run with it, but it’s not my favorite thing to do.

So without further ado, here’s a little list of ideas to tide you over:

1. Breast sex. This is something that I really enjoy on occasion. I love for my husband to play with my breasts, and so it’s really cool visually for him to go from sucking them to molding them around himself. We add a little lube to my cleavage, and away we go! He can ejaculate on me, which is a great visual for him.

2. Oral sex. Although oral play is a regular part of our lovemaking, I don’t often give him oral all the way to completion because we’re doing so many other things. So during my period sometimes I like to just take him in my mouth and do the whole whammy. It’s a nice surprise for him. But it’s not totally sacrificial, because I really get excited to see how excited he’s getting and well, it’s all good.

3. Anal sex. I think that Cumingirl has done a great job of describing the how-to’s of that. All of the usual foreplay, but with back door entry.

4. Semi-vaginal sex. We’ve done a sort of modified vaginal thing where he doesn’t actually enter my vagina per se, but I kind of wrap my outer labia around him, and he slides up and down. I’m not sure how to describe that better.

Some couples like to do manual sex at this time. Cumingirl has written a great piece on that, complete with a link to an instructional site.

Some couples also like to do something dubbed “The Scarlet Kiss.” The freshly showered wife inserts a clean tampon and then her husband proceeds to perform oral sex on her, just avoiding the area with the tampon. Not for everybody, but it’s an option.

So when it’s getting to be that time of the month, surprise your hubby with some new ideas for the bedroom. You’ll be glad you did!

original article

Threesomes are so common in porn that it kind of normalizes it in your head.  You may start thinking “We love each other so much, so it’s okay to just try it once.”  “Our marriage is so strong.  We can handle this.”  “We’ll just get someone that we already know and trust.  We’ll be okay.”  The truth is that you won’t be okay.  Giving in to these thoughts will do permanent damage to your marriage.  Look at what God tells us in 1 Corinthians:

1 Corinthians 6:18-19 (NIV)

18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;

“FLEE,” He said!  God tells us to “Flee from sexual immorality.”  To flee means to run away from swiftly.  He did not tell us to think about it and weigh the pros and cons.  He said to run away from it!  There is no compromise.  Don’t you think that God knows what is best for us?  The couples who do not flee end up in a bad situation.

The wife may secretly wonder…

• Did he enjoy having sex with her more so than with me?
• Does he find her body more appealing than mine?
• Was she ‘tighter’ than me?
• Was he happier with her oral skills instead of mine?
• If he wants to do it again, does that mean that I’m not enough for him?

The husband may secretly wonder…

• Did she like the way he/she moved/thrusted/grinded better than the way I do it?
• He looked slightly larger… I wonder if she found him more satisfying?
• I wonder if she liked his/her oral skills better than mine?
• She was more vocal with him/her…so does that mean she enjoyed it more?
• If she wants to do it again, does that mean that I’m not enough for her?

From that day forward, their marriage will never be the same.  Trust issues will come up, especially if the third person was someone they both knew.  It will begin to eat away at their marriage bit by bit until their marriage becomes a shell of what it once was.  God knew what he was talking about when he told us to FLEE.

1 Thessalonians 4:2-4 (NIV)

2 For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. 3It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable,

We are told to control our own bodies.  We have the Holy Spirit living inside of us and we are to keep ourselves holy and honorable.  Committing acts of fornication or adultery is not consistent with keeping ourselves honorable.  It doesn’t matter that you both consent to it.  A threesome has to involve either fornication or adultery, and both are an abomination to God.

Proverbs 6:32 (NIV)

32 But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment;
whoever does so destroys himself.

God’s word is clear on adultery and fornication. Inviting someone else into your marriage bed is sin, plain and simple.  What I would tell young couples now is to guard your hearts and your minds. Never say “It won’t happen to me” because it can. Satan is always at work, looking for areas in your life that he can slip in, unnoticed. Cleave to each other and pray together. Know that, as Christians, we have the Holy Spirit living inside us, and we should strive to keep our temples pure and pleasing to God. But also remember that God loves us all. He knows we are human and will be tempted, and He will always be there with open arms, ready to forgive us when we stumble, if we but ask.

original article

Here are the 5 things the HDS feels:

1.  It’s part of who I am:  God created my DH special and unique.  His HDS is a part of that.

2. I can’t just turn it off:  When I went through my refusing years, I didn’t understand why he couldn’t just turn it off.  I was tired and didn’t feel like making love.  Why wasn’t he tired, too?  It wasn’t until I realized it was how God created him that I tried to be more understanding and thinking more of what his needs were.

3.  The pain of “no” becomes too hard to hear after awhile:  He’s told me that many times.   I try now to not say no, but say when we can do it…. not in 2015, but maybe the next morning or the following evening.

4. I don’t expect you to be me, I just want you to be “naked and smiling“:   Haha.  This one made me laugh.  He just likes me to be naked….   Then again, it can’t be a forced smile…

5.  Meeting a sexual need doesn’t always mean intercourse:  he tells me this all the time.  One of these days, I will get it.

How does it work in your household?  Are you HDS or LDS?

I scanned an article today that I didn’t really think about before… the day after Mother’s Day being the most dangerous day of your marriage.   Why?  Well, if Mom had certain expectations of the day, and they weren’t met, the day after could be holy hell for her hubby and kids.

I have a great group of women that I am a part of two different “Birthclub” boards with.  Our children are all turning 10 either last month or this month.   I love these ladies.  They are like “sisters from another mister” if you know what I mean.  On one board today, it already appeared…. the “Mother’s Day disappointment” thread.   I feel badly for the ladies who had a really bad “crappy” (their words) Mother’s day.

I am the mother of 2 great kids.  A 16 yo boy and a 10 yo girl.  To my daughter, every day is Mother’s Day.  “Mom, you’re the best.”  “Mom, I don’t know what I would do without you.”  “Mom, I love doing things for you.”  “Here, Mom, this is for you.” … the boy, well I love him to death, but he’s got a bit of Aspergers in him, so unless I am talking about baseball (his latest fascination), then I might as well be invisible.  That’s okay.  I do try to remain interested in what he is interested in when I can.   My DH of almost 18 years asks the week before Mother’s Day… “What do you want for Mother’s Day?”  Not really wanting a gift, I say, “A hug from our son would be great.”   SO, on Mother’s Day…. I got my hug from the boy, a gift from the kids (Les Miserable!), dinner out the night before, a Doobie Brother’s concert this past Friday from DH.  I feel really blessed and appreciated.   But not many ladies on that birthclub board…. at this posting, there are 24 rants on their about husbands…. I really feel badly for those men.

Here’s my thing.  My blessing is that God made me a mother.   Yes, it’s nice to be appreciated, but even if the kids and DH forgot year after year, I know that God knows, watches and appreciates.    There are so many women in this world that cannot be a mother for one reason or another…. or choose to not be a mother…. or have lost their mother.   It really seems like a dig at them to gripe and complain about not being appreciated as a mother.   At this stage of my life, if DH forgot, he wouldn’t need to worry about the Wrath of Spicy the next day.  (Isn’t that a movie?  LOL)  Our marriage is much stronger than that.    I am blessed in the fact that my husband does take the time to show appreciation, to remember what I like and what I dislike, and to encourage our kids to show their mom love and appreciation.  I thank God for him that I don’t have to complain about a crappy day with him at all.   No, we’re not perfect, but we take the time to really read each other.

So which category do you fall in after Mother’s Day (if you are a mother) … the “Tell me all the crappy things he didn’t do for me” or the “I am so blessed to be his wife and their mother” camp?  Should women really make their husbands suffer the day after Mother’s Day if they don’t get the appreciation and gifts they expect?

My husband was not 100% for this plan. He would have to deal with my hormone fall out after the birth of the baby. When people would see his wife pregnant he would need to explain that I was carrying my brother’s baby. Would I be able to let go of the baby after giving birth to it? I tried to ease his mind by addressing his concerns. “But we won’t have a crying baby in our house in the middle of the night so I would be getting my sleep. It wasn’t hormones it was just lack of sleep.” “It’s not like I had sex with my brother! I would just be a house for the baby.” “ Of course I can give it up. It’s not like it’s really ‘my’ baby and I’m not a huge baby person anyway.” As my sister in law and brother were discussing the possibilities I started having irregular bleeding. I went for a bunch of tests and they all came back fine. Obviously this threw a wrench into our possible plans. I couldn’t possible be a surrogate with a wacky cycle happening.

Last week I attended a funeral service for a family member. As everyone paid their respects I looked behind me a spotted and 4 week old baby girl. The baby’s aunt was holding her and the baby started squirming. The aunt, who is just a teen and looking a bit unsure as to what to do, asked my mother if she wanted to hold the baby. My Mom said that she had to talk to some people first but would after that. Then it happened. This aunt made eye contact with me. “Hey Peppermint Girl, want to hold the baby?” I said OK and said a little prayer that the baby would not start screaming while in my arms. This place was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. I took the little bundle in my arms; she looked at me with her gorgeous eyes, grabbed my coat with her tiny figures snuggled into my neck and fell asleep. Now that the baby wasn’t fussing anymore the aunt asked to take her back. Reluctantly I handed her over. That night while laying in bed my husband asked me what I was thinking about. I told him that I was thinking about the baby. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I held her for 15 minutes tops and I still felt empty handing her back. Maybe I was more of a baby person then I thought.

Back when my cycles were irregular we made a decision that me being a surrogate was out of the question. The cycle following that conversation and every one after were fine. No irregular bleeding. I honestly think that God was giving me a message during my irregular time and I didn’t realize it until last week. I don’t think I could have given birth and given the baby away without feeling a tiny bit empty. God has a plan and I guess this wasn’t part of it. Hmmmm, Maybe His plan is for us to have one more of our own!!! Now I need to convince hubby to get a vasectiomy reversal. Do they even make cars that seat 6 kids?

original article