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Interesting thought here…..

found this on the marriage bed Facebook page….
If you tossed a dollar into a jar every time you made love, how long would it be before you could pay for a nice dinner for the two of you?

Help me with new era of orgasms!

Here’s another email that I got from a reader that could use some help or advice.

She and her husband used vibrators during intercourse for many years.  They have decided to put the vibes down and try other things in their marriage bed, but she hasn’t had as much luck with orgasms since losing the vibes.   She remembers being able to orgasm through OS with her hubby ages ago, but it was while watching pornography….. her question was “Is there anything you can think of that we can do that might be okay that would replicate that “body buzz” and oral-sex-orgasm I got while we were watching pornography? “

Whilst it wasn’t pornography in the truest sense of the word, I can remember one time while watching an episode of Star Trek: Enterprise … there was a really steamy scene between Captain Archer and his Communications officer, Hoshi.   I usually don’t get turned on by TV programs, but for some reason, this scene really got me hot and heavy…. and DH reaped the rewards of it.

After it was all over (the episode and our hot romp in the hay), I felt really guilty that it… I mean, why couldn’t I do that on my own?  Why did it take Scott Bakula to get me all hot and heavy?  (sigh…..LOL!)    I haven’t had that issue since then, but what is it about porn that excites our minds?

Okay, without using porn, here is what I recommend.   Evidently, something about the way you used the vibe during intercourse during all those years helped you with your orgasms.   You may need to take some time to go back and experiment with the vibes on occasion to figure out how you used it that felt the best.   The other thing…. give your hubby plenty of extra time to practice!  Once you know how the vibe worked on you, try to simulate some of the same motions with your hubby’s touch or with his tongue.   Is there a certain spot on your clitoris that is more sensitive to stimulation?   With me, sections of the hood around the clitoris  (esp the 7 o’clock position as he looks at me) are very sensitive.   Have him gently lick or suck on those areas.   My labia are extremely sensitive, so I have him slowly lick from my vagina, up my labia to that 7 o’clock position…. can you say fireworks!?!?!?  He can flick his tongue to get the “vibrating” feeling… Also keep in mind that TOO much stimulation on the clitoris can give you a numb feeling, so once you start feeling that, you may want him to do some nipple stimulation or something else at that point.    I know that if DH licks my clitoris in a clockwise motion it feels good….counter clockwise….not so good.   It’s all part of the practice, which I am sure your hubby would be in agreement on.

I STRONGLY recommend that you NOT go back to porn videos… even though it gave you a strong reaction.  That is allowing something else into your marriage bed, which is a sin.   Like nicotine, porn is addictive and hard to break.

Any other advice or words of wisdom?  Feel free to comment.

Q&A: Why Talk During Sex?

“My husband likes to talk and whisper ALL THE TIME when we make love.  Why does he have to do that?  He knows what I like, but he continues to ask me questions (like if I want him to suck my nipples or does he want me to have him pinch and pull on them?)  Also when he gives me oral sex, he tells me how good I taste and how good I smell and how much he wants to taste me.  I am very quiet when we make love.  Do you think he wants me to talk too?  Or do you think he might want me to talk “dirty” to him?”

Some people are definite talkers.  Sounds like your husband is one of them!  Whispering and talking during sex is a complete turn on for many people (myself included).  Hearing things spoken audibly can heighten awareness and arousal.

Just think about it for a minute… when you are making love to your husband, many times you may think “I would love it if he _______ right now.” But you don’t actually say it.  You may hint to him or give him some bodily language that tells him what you want instead.  What do you think would happen if you spoke those thoughts aloud?

For me it was two fold.  When I started talking out loud to my husband during sex, I noticed his arousal increased, his erection became even harder, and he became more passionate with me.  What I didn’t plan on was the second factor.  I became more aroused and I self-lubricated more.  Hearing myself saying things to my husband out loud that I had once hidden in my mind was so invigorating and empowering for me!  I loved the fact that my words had power over my husband.  I loved seeing the physical evidence of his arousal and desire heightening as I spoke.  I loved hearing myself claim words that were once too risqué for me to use.  It felt so freeing to be able to speak in clear terms what I wanted to do to him and what I wanted from him during our love making, and my husband reveled in this new found freedom!

It may be the same for your husband.  You say that he likes to tell you how good you taste or how badly he wants to taste you.  It sounds like he is trying to use words as a part of foreplay.  He is wanting to get you all hot and bothered and at the same time he is probably affecting his own arousal by hearing himself speaking to you in that way.

So, a couple of things come to mind here.  First, does it bother you that he talks like he does?  If this is something that is truly bothersome for you, then you need to talk to him about this.  If his talking during sex is working the opposite way he intends for it to, then he needs to know that it’s a ‘turn off’ for you.  If it’s not a bother, then my second question revolves around you talking.  Is this something that you’d like to be able to do more with him?  Taking that first step is often difficult, but once you break the ice you may find that giving your thoughts a voice enhances your love making experience with your husband.  For some suggestions on how to get started talking, check out:  Oh Yes Baby!  Don’t Stop! or Dirty Words in the  Bedroom.

Original article

Q&A: Is Spicy Sex in the Bible?

This is an email we received from someone who found our blog.

“God intended married sex to be spicy. OK, but where in the Bible did He say that?
Sorry but coming up with your opinion and then attaching God’s name to it doesn’t mean God is attached to it.”

Oh, where do I begin…

Well, let’s start with the Bible. Does the Bible say that God wants married sex to be spicy? In the very beginning this is what God said about married sex.

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. Genesis 2:24-25

Our first reference in the Bible to married sex is that we would separate from our birth families and unite as one with our husband or wife; unite physically and relationally. God desired that a husband and wife have no shame between them in the most vulnerable of situations; nakedness. Adam and Eve had freedom to explore and enjoy one another without shame, and this did not surprise God. He created them naked in the garden with all their sexual parts in full function. Can you imagine how great it would have been to be naked all the time, in the sun with your husband and not have to carry any emotional baggage? They didn’t work, so they weren’t tired. They walked around all day enjoying the Lord’s creation, chatting without the distraction of a phone ringing or an email coming in. They had all the time in the world to connect emotionally and physically, and they were still without sin. What ideal circumstances for which to build a passionate love life.

Further, if we step out of this story and into another, the Song of Solomon is an incredibly erotic and passionate love story. In this book of the Bible we look at the marriage of Solomon and his bride. Specifically we look at how they relate sexually. After the bride and groom in the story have had a sexually charged encounter this is what is written, believed to be the only time that God speaks out in the book:

Eat, O friends, and drink;
drink your fill, O lovers.

Just as God was pleased with the unity of Adam and Eve, so was He pleased with this union. He encourages the lovers to take pleasure in one another. He wants them to enjoy their sexuality as much as they can. In the Song of Solomon, we find that the couple enjoyed a wide variety of pleasures. The specifics of what they enjoyed are not as important as the fact that they had the freedom and confidence to express their desires, and to meet those of their spouse. They most certainly had a spicy marriage bed.

Perhaps it would be helpful to pause here and explore what it means to have a spicy marriage bed. It doesn’t mean that everyone has hot, steamy, intense sex every day, twice a day, doing everything that is talked about on our website. It means that your sexual encounters with your spouse, whatever they look like for you, are intentionally focused on growing in passion. A spicy marriage bed is where you can be honest about your desires and trust that your spouse is a safe place for you. A spicy marriage bed is one where you desire to meet the sexual needs and passions of your spouse and they yours. Husbands and wives who have impassionate love lives are really missing out on the beauty of God’s plan for our sexuality. This is why it is such a terrible and damaging sin for a husband or wife to withhold their passion. It robs their spouse from expressing a desire that God put in them.

We haven’t attached God’s name to our opinion about sex. We look to Him to guide us into how He regards sex and we submit what we know to His Word. For many years many of us lived under many lies, but we are on a journey with the Lord and our husbands to fully embrace who God made us to be. We don’t claim to have arrived at perfection, but we have caught a glimpse of where our marriages are going and are fill with hope at the thought of what amazing thing God could do with two lives submitted to Him, united to each other.

original article

Q&A: Should I stay or should I go?

I received an email from a reader that really touched my heart because I know she is in a bad place right now with a very hard decision.   Here’s the gist.

Her hubby of 8 years has a porn addiction.  She has noticed something different about him lately found out that he had been having an affair and it had ended.   She asked him to leave.  He comes back to see their kids and when he comes over, they have amazing sex.   He wants to kick the addiction….she loves him, but she is torn.  Should she divorce him or not?  The whole experience is drawing her closer to God and she has been in her bible and praying more than ever.   She doesn’t know what to do.

Such a tough decision.

In the Old Testament, there are so many Old Testament verses handing out certificates of divorce.    Yes, her husband was unfaithful to her.    She does definitely have grounds for divorce by both Old and New Testament standards.   I am going to preface what I am about to say by saying this … I have never experienced an unfaithful spouse, and probably never will, so I am really not sure what I would do if it really happened to me….

My Sunday school class has been going through the Gospel of Mark.   Just last Sunday, we covered this chapter and verse

(Mark 10: 1-9)  Getting up, He *went from there to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan; crowds *gathered around Him again, and, according to His custom, He once more began to teach them.

Some Pharisees came up to Jesus, testing Him, and began to question Him whether it was lawful for a man to [a]divorce a wife. And He answered and said to them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “ Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and [b]send her away.” But Jesus said to them, “[c] Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother[d], and the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” 

Verses 6-9, we had read at our wedding.  We feel that strongly about it.

In these verses, Jesus quotes God from Genesis 2:24-25.   God intended marriage to be one man to one woman, and when they united, they became one flesh.  What God joined together, man should not separate.   Why did God tell Moses to allow divorce then?  Because of our hardness of heart.

I have already written the reader with this issue.  She is in her Bible more.  She is praying more.   She is praying for her husband.   The closer she stays to God on this issue, the more she will be able to hear his voice.    My recommendation would be to put off all thoughts of divorce until she hears clearly from the Lord.  It is obvious to me that God has more in store for this marriage.     I would find a babysitter for her kids, meet with him somewhere outside of the home, and start the process of determining what they are willing to do to save their marriage.   It may be a good time to use 1 Corinthians 7: 1-6  for abstaining for a period of time of prayer for your marriage and wisdom to know where to go from here.   If it were me, I would require him to get some sort of counseling for the porn addiction.  A good sex therapist can help or a marital counselor for both of you.   I would want to definitely get to the bottom of the porn and the affair with a counselor.

Sweetie, I am praying for you.  Any of you going through the same situation have my prayers, too.  God is faithful.  God loves marriage.  He created the unions between you and your husbands.   If you have a repentant spouse who wants to seriously work through the problems, I pray that the God of healing will heal your marriages and make you stronger and closer, to Him and to each other.


Q&A: Warming Gels and Lubricants

I had a reader ask the following question:

I’ve often seen in stores “Warming Gels” Some inexpensive KY brand. some a little more pricey. Do you have any experience with them? What about using them with Oral sex? Thanks!

Back when my awakening began, DH and I experimented with getting my arousal level up, and one of the things we tried was “warming lubes”.   We tried several different kinds, and I am trying to think back to my opinions on them.

If you go to amazon.com and search for warming lubricants, there are so many to choose from!  I believe we tried Astroglide warming , Durex, KY Yours and Mine, and one other that wasn’t really a warming lubricant, but was a cream that you applied directly to the clitoris to get a “tingly” sensation for arousal purposes…for the life of me, I cannot remember what it is called, but I bought it at Walmart.

I know that my husband and I haven’t had much success with Astroglide of any kind.   KY Yours and Mine was really disappointing to me.   The commercials made it look like something any marriage bed couldn’t do without, but I found it kind of  “meh”.  It did give a tingly sensation for me, but when ours “met”, there were no fireworks.   I always thought it was kind of a dud.   I think the Durex was probably the one I liked the most out of the three lubes I tried, but it’s been forever since I used it.

Overall, I found, for myself, that I have really sensitive skin, so they didn’t always work as well for me as I would have liked.  You do get a tingling sensation, a warming sensation that does get you “going” so to speak, but they always ended up feeling like they were burning my skin…but then again, I do have very sensitive skin there, and I could have used too much in my attempts to get aroused.  I would be willing to try them again, since it has been years since I used them.   In moderation, they would probably be fine since my labia seem to be the most sensitive area now a days,  and not my clitoris.

So ladies, what experiences have you had with warming lubricants and gels?   Which ones have you tried?  Which ones did you like?  Which did you not like?   Please feel free to add your comments below.

Clitoral orgasms v vaginal orgasms

I reader wrote in to me about orgasm difficulties she was having.   She’s able to get an orgasm with a vibrator or with the water from her shower head, but she is inquiring about wanting to know how to get one during intercourse.

I actually starting “touching” myself when I was probably about 8-9ish.  I was playing in the basement of our house, when I happened upon a stash of my Dad’s Playboy magazines.   I opened one, intrigued, to see what it was and came upon a picture (centerfold) of a naked woman who was touching her clitoris.  I don’t know why, but that at times, I can still see that picture in my mind… I found and touched my own clitoris then, and realized that it felt really good to touch it.   From that point on, my interest in the feelings I got from it continued on for years…. so from a very young age, I was able to determine what needed to be done to make that area of my body feel good.

Once you realize what it takes to get that wonderful warm feeling of an orgasm, you need to determine how to pass that information on to your husband, so he can help.   One thing that has helped me when I went through a period of only getting clitoral orgasms was to try to find positions to use in which I could grind my clitoris against my husband during intercourse.   WOT (woman on top) is one of those positions where you can take control and drag your clitoris along his shaft or grind it into his body until you orgasm.   If you are okay with going back to the Christian Nymphos page, we have a whole page (section) on positions of the week. You can look through these at your leisure to see if any of these would work for you.  The closer you get your body to his (which means deep penetration), the better chance you have to get a clitoral orgasm during intercourse.

Now, while you are in there as deep as penetration is possible, you may find that you reach a point where your vaginal walls are really stimulated.   I was totally surprised (pleasantly of course) when I had my first vaginal orgasm.    There are two spots inside the vagina that when stimulated can create an orgasm.  The first is the G-spot, located just inside the vaginal opening on the roof of the vagina.   If you stick one finger inside your vagina and do the “come here” motion, you will find the G-spot.   I love G-spot orgasms.   Incredible when you stimulate it just right.  The other is Deep Spot orgasms.  You can read about it, but it’s basically back near your cervix.  Be careful!  If you thrust and hit the cervix, it HURTS!  BUT I have had deep spot orgasms in the past, too, that were really good…just don’t get them as often.

I hope this helps.  If there are any tips or tricks that you have to help this reader out, please feel free to respond.