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Interesting thought here…..

found this on the marriage bed Facebook page….
If you tossed a dollar into a jar every time you made love, how long would it be before you could pay for a nice dinner for the two of you?

Help me with new era of orgasms!

Here’s another email that I got from a reader that could use some help or advice.

She and her husband used vibrators during intercourse for many years.  They have decided to put the vibes down and try other things in their marriage bed, but she hasn’t had as much luck with orgasms since losing the vibes.   She remembers being able to orgasm through OS with her hubby ages ago, but it was while watching pornography….. her question was “Is there anything you can think of that we can do that might be okay that would replicate that “body buzz” and oral-sex-orgasm I got while we were watching pornography? “

Whilst it wasn’t pornography in the truest sense of the word, I can remember one time while watching an episode of Star Trek: Enterprise … there was a really steamy scene between Captain Archer and his Communications officer, Hoshi.   I usually don’t get turned on by TV programs, but for some reason, this scene really got me hot and heavy…. and DH reaped the rewards of it.

After it was all over (the episode and our hot romp in the hay), I felt really guilty that it… I mean, why couldn’t I do that on my own?  Why did it take Scott Bakula to get me all hot and heavy?  (sigh…..LOL!)    I haven’t had that issue since then, but what is it about porn that excites our minds?

Okay, without using porn, here is what I recommend.   Evidently, something about the way you used the vibe during intercourse during all those years helped you with your orgasms.   You may need to take some time to go back and experiment with the vibes on occasion to figure out how you used it that felt the best.   The other thing…. give your hubby plenty of extra time to practice!  Once you know how the vibe worked on you, try to simulate some of the same motions with your hubby’s touch or with his tongue.   Is there a certain spot on your clitoris that is more sensitive to stimulation?   With me, sections of the hood around the clitoris  (esp the 7 o’clock position as he looks at me) are very sensitive.   Have him gently lick or suck on those areas.   My labia are extremely sensitive, so I have him slowly lick from my vagina, up my labia to that 7 o’clock position…. can you say fireworks!?!?!?  He can flick his tongue to get the “vibrating” feeling… Also keep in mind that TOO much stimulation on the clitoris can give you a numb feeling, so once you start feeling that, you may want him to do some nipple stimulation or something else at that point.    I know that if DH licks my clitoris in a clockwise motion it feels good….counter clockwise….not so good.   It’s all part of the practice, which I am sure your hubby would be in agreement on.

I STRONGLY recommend that you NOT go back to porn videos… even though it gave you a strong reaction.  That is allowing something else into your marriage bed, which is a sin.   Like nicotine, porn is addictive and hard to break.

Any other advice or words of wisdom?  Feel free to comment.

Q&A: Why Talk During Sex?

“My husband likes to talk and whisper ALL THE TIME when we make love.  Why does he have to do that?  He knows what I like, but he continues to ask me questions (like if I want him to suck my nipples or does he want me to have him pinch and pull on them?)  Also when he gives me oral sex, he tells me how good I taste and how good I smell and how much he wants to taste me.  I am very quiet when we make love.  Do you think he wants me to talk too?  Or do you think he might want me to talk “dirty” to him?”

Some people are definite talkers.  Sounds like your husband is one of them!  Whispering and talking during sex is a complete turn on for many people (myself included).  Hearing things spoken audibly can heighten awareness and arousal.

Just think about it for a minute… when you are making love to your husband, many times you may think “I would love it if he _______ right now.” But you don’t actually say it.  You may hint to him or give him some bodily language that tells him what you want instead.  What do you think would happen if you spoke those thoughts aloud?

For me it was two fold.  When I started talking out loud to my husband during sex, I noticed his arousal increased, his erection became even harder, and he became more passionate with me.  What I didn’t plan on was the second factor.  I became more aroused and I self-lubricated more.  Hearing myself saying things to my husband out loud that I had once hidden in my mind was so invigorating and empowering for me!  I loved the fact that my words had power over my husband.  I loved seeing the physical evidence of his arousal and desire heightening as I spoke.  I loved hearing myself claim words that were once too risqué for me to use.  It felt so freeing to be able to speak in clear terms what I wanted to do to him and what I wanted from him during our love making, and my husband reveled in this new found freedom!

It may be the same for your husband.  You say that he likes to tell you how good you taste or how badly he wants to taste you.  It sounds like he is trying to use words as a part of foreplay.  He is wanting to get you all hot and bothered and at the same time he is probably affecting his own arousal by hearing himself speaking to you in that way.

So, a couple of things come to mind here.  First, does it bother you that he talks like he does?  If this is something that is truly bothersome for you, then you need to talk to him about this.  If his talking during sex is working the opposite way he intends for it to, then he needs to know that it’s a ‘turn off’ for you.  If it’s not a bother, then my second question revolves around you talking.  Is this something that you’d like to be able to do more with him?  Taking that first step is often difficult, but once you break the ice you may find that giving your thoughts a voice enhances your love making experience with your husband.  For some suggestions on how to get started talking, check out:  Oh Yes Baby!  Don’t Stop! or Dirty Words in the  Bedroom.

Original article