thanks, Cinnamonsticks for this one….
1. Pray for God to give you His attitude towards sex.
(This is the most important thing. Without it, the rest won’t matter)
2. Wake up each day, look in the mirror and ask Jesus to tell you what is beautiful about you.
3. Make an effort to “think sex” throughout the day.
4. Take the initiative to plan a really romantic date.
5. Prayerfully make a list of all the things you love about your husband and give it to him.
6. Be responsive to your husband’s affection through out the day.
7. Ask the Father to give you the heart of the Shulamite Woman (for Him and for your husband) as you study the Song of Solomon.
8. Write your man a sexy note for him to find somewhere during the day; in his vehicle, in his wallet or in a bag he takes to work.
9. Initiate a hug and kiss at least once a day.
10. Wear sexy panties.
I heard this from him last week. It was one of the proudest moments I have felt in a long time.
I can only speak for my husband, but I am sure just about all married men have something in mind that if their wife would do it for them, it would be like a dream he had coming true. Wives isn’t that what it’s all about? Doing something for our husbands that is so giving that he feels like his best dream came true? It’s exactly what Jesus did for us. Our sin on this earth keeps us from the biggest dream come true ever. The promise of eternity in heaven with God. There isn’t any way that we can earn it back. We can never do enough good to receive that promise. We blow it every day. But God knew we would do that before we were even created and he made a way. His Son, Jesus Christ, the Messiah…the Savior of the world. He came down from heaven and sacrificed his very life so that this dream of ours, heaven, could be attained. All we had to do is believe in Him… call on him to be our personal Savior.
So, why did my hubby say this? To him, the ultimate gift I could give him was oral sex. I am not always the #1 fan of oral sex, but my brain was buzzing that night (like his does on a daily basis) and since we couldn’t have intercourse due to a heavy flow day, I took him orally. I took him very deeply orally…something I usually cannot do due to a really bad gag reflex. It was something that I chose to freely give, and before we fell asleep, he uttered these words, “You just made my dream come true.” That meant the world to me.
It’s really important that we put our spouse before ourselves. In light of my post last week about my recent discovery of my own perimenopausal vaginal atrophy, we hadn’t been able to have intercourse in almost a month. I know how hard it is for him. He doesn’t want to make me feel bad because it is really something beyond my control, but I wanted to do something for him that would show my appreciation for his patience and loving nature during all of this.
Have you ever made your husband’s dream come true? What would it take for you to do it for him? Trust me, if you haven’t experienced the joy in doing something this special for your husband, make a plan to do so. It will bless you as well as bless him.
I corresponded with Paul and Lori Byerly off and on for years now, and I truly appreciate their ministry at the Marriage Bed. It has been a blessing to our marriage, and I am ever so glad that my husband found and introduced me to the Marriage Bed when we were going through our sexual difficulties. If you have not visited their site, I highly encourage it.
I was reading one of Paul’s articles (The Three S’s) on the site, and it is very helpful to me, so I thought I would pass it on to you, too. I know a lot of you don’t have issues with this topic, but I also know there are those who do have issues. It was about three things that you can do naked that do not have to end up with sexual intercourse. Of course, they CAN end up that way if you wish, but it doesn’t have to.
Those three things are SHOWERS, SLEEPING and SNUGGLING. I know I tend to avoid showers about 90% of the time, just because somehow I have related showering together with sexual intercourse, not just for the pleasure of seeing, touching and cleaning each other’s bodies. Sleeping is hard for me, too. I see so many pretty things that I want to wear to bed, and yes, some are not too pretty, but I PROMISE, I gave up my flannels a long time ago with my granny panties, ok?? Hubby loves to sleep naked. If I buy anything pretty that I think he’ll like to see me in, it ends up on the floor…he’d rather see me naked. I get that. My hang up used to be the kids… I don’t have that problem anymore, so I need to do this more often. Just need to find a good place to hang my robe near my side of the bed. Snuggling is just something that needs to happen more often in our household. It ends up being snuggling in bed at night only with a teen and a preteen in the house, so it fits more under the category of sleeping with us… we just need to get creative with this.
Thanks, Paul, for this article. It was really helpful and made me aware of areas I need to work on in my own marriage.
There are times when I really let Satan get my self image down. I don’t intend to let him in, but somehow, I guess he finds a loophole. He must be very good at squirming in, too. I look at myself in the mirror and think, what in the world does he see in me? The world glorifies skinny, pretty young women, and I look at the pear shape in the mirror and sigh, but then I hear God say, “He likes pears.” :)
My husband, to his credit, does an amazing job of making me feel loved and wanted. Besides the obvious physical signs that he needs me, I am noticing more often than I used to that he flavors his speech about me…. most recently, he refers to me as “his bride”. He can’t keep his hands off me, and I am finding out more and more lately, that there are places that his hands go that I really like. All of the sudden, him running his hands through my hair makes me feel amazing. It brings on very strong feelings I haven’t felt in awhile. Running his hands, not his fingertips, across my skin is very erogenous. I love hands on skin contact. He is doing that more often without me having to ask.
All this to say, when I look in the mirror now, God allows me to see what my husband finds so attractive in me. Yes, he does like pears.
I was so glad to happen upon an article called Oral Blessings as I was doing some online reading today. This was a very helpful and useful article! I know that oral sex is something that my husband really loves…. not only because it feels good, but he is a visual person, so he likes the view….. I have to admit, even though I have contributed to blogs like this one and Christian Nymphos for over 5 years, I do still have hang ups over oral sex. I found in this article, it hits on one of my biggest hang ups…. the gag reflex.
The article gives you some great information on how to start if you haven’t or if you have hang ups, how to get yourself into the mindset that it is a blessing for him, and a very giving thing to do for him. It also has sections on other common hangups, such as the taste of semen, his hair down there, the other areas of the body that are closest to that area, and the owie factor (like jaw pain) . I found it to be a very good read, and I am bookmarking it for future reference.
Who knows… maybe I should start practicing while he is in the room…. where are those popsicles. Not only would it be erotic for him, but he will know that I am working on the issues that I have. :)
What hang ups do you have? How have you overcome them? Are you willing to overcome them to bless him?
Did I get you?
I was perusing The Generous Wife website again, and I came upon this article on Doing something nice for your hubby every hour on the hour…. This can be a weekend thing, since we usually have more time on the weekend….
The author suggested the following….
Kiss him or flash him.
Give him a small gift (this will take a bit of planning).
Pay him a compliment.
Buy a bag of flavored jelly beans, taste and guess the flavor.
Let’s make a list of other ideas of what we could do for them…. they don’t have to be expensive, as a matter of fact, free is the best! Then let’s try it this weekend….
Okay, well that is according to this article that I recently read, but honestly, it doesn’t surprise me. Men say they want MORE communication! Yes, you read that correctly.
Based on survey results from more than 70,000 respondents, the new book, The Normal Bar, provided a number of surprises. But the most surprising result I read about was when men in unhappy relationships were asked what they want most from their partners that they’re not getting. The authors/researchers expected to find that sex topped the list, but it didn’t make the top two.
Male respondents instead want more and better communication, saying their partners don’t listen to them attentively enough. Coming in second, they wanted more affection. In third place, they said they desired more sex.
Now, honestly, I will have to admit, that I didn’t think #1 was sex, but RESPECT. I know that respect is HUGE for a man. If he doesn’t feel respected, it really hurts him. I know my husband feels that way, but I also know communication can be one of our weak points in our marriage,too at times, so I could see it being an important one as well.
What are your thoughts? If you posed this question to your husband…”What is one thing in our marriage you want MORE of?” what would he say? What do you need more of in your marriage?