Reader’s question: Help a HSD wife

Do you have any advice for women with a HSD dealing with a man with LSD? This is the case with our marriage, and we’ve only been married 4 months! I try to talk about it with my husband, but it seems like he is just constantly tired. I am nearly always the initiator. We both work full time – I just don’t know why he is always wiped out. He has said a couple of times that when he is tired (or when I want to try something new) sex feels like work. I know he didn’t mean it to be hurtful but I kind of resent that comment. How on earth to I talk about my frustration without completely damaging his self-esteem?

I am not HSD in my house, so I will leave this out there for any of you HSD wives… what has worked for you?

3 thoughts on “Reader’s question: Help a HSD wife

  1. My husband’s sex drive is low when he is under stress- at work, at home, etc. Sometimes I am able to help him de-stress with massage, a hot bath with relaxing essential oils, etc., but mostly what he needs is for me to try to reduce his load at home and work alongside him. One thing I NEVER do to him is tell him he needs to do more. That would really put stress on and make him feel inadequate. 

    It will take time to understand your husband’s needs. The holy spirit will work on him, while you can work on making your own attitude one of serving your husband.  Pray and be patient, while you help him feel like he is loved and respected as he is, even if he never has energy for sex. Make your own joy come from doing for your lover, with no expectation of return.  If you do this, you will have matured your relationship over a hurdle most couples never beat. It took me 26 years of marriage to learn to apply this to our physical relationship.

     There are lots of ways for you to be in control of your physical activity, so communicate with him that you will give him pleasure while he relaxes, then do so!  See the christiannymphos positions page, and you’ll have plenty of ideas! 

    And be glad and encourage your husband’s honesty about how he feels. Few men are that communicative.  Since he told you his problem, you can help him with it. Remember that men and women think and communicate differently, and he is not trying to hurt you. You will need to remind yourself of this regularly over the years to come.

    Blessings, Karen

    “Our contest is not only whether we ourselves shall be free, but whether there shall be left to mankind an asylum

  2. I am also a HSD wife with a LSD husband. We’ve been married 8 months and he is always too something. I feel like sex is an important part of a healthy marriage and I don’t really think it is too healthy to just sit by and let it be. It starts to get to me that it could be something he doesn’t like about me and starts to make me insecure. Could it be a medical issue or something emotional or mental? Any advice for those who would like to improve this part of our marriages?

  3. Hippia24, I’m in a similar situation (been married 10 months now). I wouldn’t say my husband is always too tired or whatever, but to me it seems like it’s pretty often! We have talked about it a lot…my hubby tells me that there are times when he is turned on or likes when I try to start something, but that he likes when I initiate and so he will sorta wait until I do push things all the way. If I start sex I usually am the one who initiates the entire time. I don’t know if that’s normal either…I know things change when you’re married and around each other all the time, but I didn’t think it would change this much. When we were dating, he always gave the impression and sometimes said that he had such a high sex drive that I’m surprised this is happening in our marriage.

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