Archive | September 2012

POTW: On the Pillows

This is position that has always been a favorite of ours. It’s not extremely difficult, although the man needs to have a good sense of balance and strong arms. We’ve never known what to call it so we just call it the “On The Pillows” position.

You start by stacking up three good-sized pillows in the middle of your bed (you may need 4). Then the wife is going to lay down on her back, but put her bottom up on top of the pillows. The husband may need to help lift her up on top. Now the wife should be lying on her back with her bottom angled up on top of a stack of pillows.

The husband gets on his knees directly in front of her, in between her legs, in a kneeling position. His penis should be close to the height of her vagina. If not, then you may add or take away a pillow as needed.

Then the husband can grab hold of the wife’s ankles, and hold her legs up and apart while entering her. He will then thrust while on his knees. He can move his hands down to hold onto her calves or thighs if he would rather do that. Or, the wife can rest her legs on her husband’s chest/shoulders.

And while the husband is thrusting and keeping the wife’s legs out of the way, the wife’s hands are free to rub her own clitoris.

Pros:
For women who need clitoral stimulation to orgasm, this position is wonderful. You are able to get yourself to orgasm while your husband is inside you at the same time, making it really nice!

This position gives a WONDERFUL view to the husbands out there. He is able to look down and see himself entering his wife, and also see her rubbing herself at the same time.

Cons:
Although you can see each other, your bodies are not really touching except for the privates. You aren’t close enough to kiss or hug or hold each other tight.

This is not a difficult position to do. If you haven’t tried it yet, I encourage you to do so soon, with the lights ON!

original article and comments

Throwback Thursday: Sex Toys = Pornography?

Question: Aren’t sex toys just another form of pornography because they are used for arousal?

Answer: Whether or not a person is sinning when they use sex toys depends on what they are thinking about while they are using them. It is our conviction that unless a sex act is expressly declared in Scripture as wrong (adultery, bestiality, homosexuality, incest and so on), we are to consider what is happening in the mind according to the principles Jesus gave us to determine if it is sin or not. Since masturbation, with or without a toy, is not talked about in Scripture we use what Jesus taught us about lust and remaining in control of our bodies to separate masturbation that is sin from masturbation that is not sin.

So if a woman uses a sex toy and is thinking about what her body is doing and how it is responding, and/or what she would like to be doing sexually with her husband, we do not believe this is sin. However, if a woman is using a sex toy and fantasizing about a man at work or thinking about a sex scene she saw in a movie then we believe this is sin. As well, if masturbation/the use of sex toys controls her to the point where she plans her day around it or it interferes with her responsibilities and so on, then we believe that it has become something which controls her which we believe is sin. The final issue that we believe would make toy usage sin is if it replaced a wife’s sexual experience with her husband. We believe the needs of the couple come first. So if a wife is using a toy and it results in pleasing her to to point where she is no longer available to him, then we believe the woman is sinning.

So although sex toys are tools that are used for arousal, we believe that they do not fit into the category of pornography because they can be used in ways that are free from lust and a loss of self control.

Thank you for your question.

original article

 

Help me with new era of orgasms!

Here’s another email that I got from a reader that could use some help or advice.

She and her husband used vibrators during intercourse for many years.  They have decided to put the vibes down and try other things in their marriage bed, but she hasn’t had as much luck with orgasms since losing the vibes.   She remembers being able to orgasm through OS with her hubby ages ago, but it was while watching pornography….. her question was “Is there anything you can think of that we can do that might be okay that would replicate that “body buzz” and oral-sex-orgasm I got while we were watching pornography? “

Whilst it wasn’t pornography in the truest sense of the word, I can remember one time while watching an episode of Star Trek: Enterprise … there was a really steamy scene between Captain Archer and his Communications officer, Hoshi.   I usually don’t get turned on by TV programs, but for some reason, this scene really got me hot and heavy…. and DH reaped the rewards of it.

After it was all over (the episode and our hot romp in the hay), I felt really guilty that it… I mean, why couldn’t I do that on my own?  Why did it take Scott Bakula to get me all hot and heavy?  (sigh…..LOL!)    I haven’t had that issue since then, but what is it about porn that excites our minds?

Okay, without using porn, here is what I recommend.   Evidently, something about the way you used the vibe during intercourse during all those years helped you with your orgasms.   You may need to take some time to go back and experiment with the vibes on occasion to figure out how you used it that felt the best.   The other thing…. give your hubby plenty of extra time to practice!  Once you know how the vibe worked on you, try to simulate some of the same motions with your hubby’s touch or with his tongue.   Is there a certain spot on your clitoris that is more sensitive to stimulation?   With me, sections of the hood around the clitoris  (esp the 7 o’clock position as he looks at me) are very sensitive.   Have him gently lick or suck on those areas.   My labia are extremely sensitive, so I have him slowly lick from my vagina, up my labia to that 7 o’clock position…. can you say fireworks!?!?!?  He can flick his tongue to get the “vibrating” feeling… Also keep in mind that TOO much stimulation on the clitoris can give you a numb feeling, so once you start feeling that, you may want him to do some nipple stimulation or something else at that point.    I know that if DH licks my clitoris in a clockwise motion it feels good….counter clockwise….not so good.   It’s all part of the practice, which I am sure your hubby would be in agreement on.

I STRONGLY recommend that you NOT go back to porn videos… even though it gave you a strong reaction.  That is allowing something else into your marriage bed, which is a sin.   Like nicotine, porn is addictive and hard to break.

Any other advice or words of wisdom?  Feel free to comment.

Monday poll… in the making

Not exactly a poll, but I would like to you to help me make this listing a list, and I will take the list here and make it into a poll to see what kind of sex toys you use in your bedroom.   Please feel free to post the names (no links, please…they will be reviewed for webpage content if you do and may NOT be posted if deemed the site would cause people to stumble. )
Here’s my list

*bullet vibes (single and double)

*clone a willy

*strap on butterfly

*g spot vibrator

*one more that I’ll have to look up it’s name…. had rotating beads inside the vibrator shaft…..

POTW: Cowgirl (Woman on Top)

I am going to talk about my favorite position known as “cowgirl” or “woman on top”.  You can experience orgasms in this position are like no other orgasm you have ever experienced.   If you are a very visual person use mirrors. Set them up so you can see the two of you making love  without straining my neck. (I’m thinking our next bedroom may have to have mirrored walls and ceiling.)   Most husbands loves this position because he gets to lay back and enjoy the show.  What really is exciting about this position is seeing how excited it gets your husband.  You can physically see that he is aroused plus his breathing picks up a notch or two.  Your excitement will feed off each other.

Let’s talk about getting into position.  The husband usually lays flat on his back to start.  Then straddle him so one knee is on either side of his pelvis and ease yourself down onto his penis.  (Another variation is to squat with your feet flat on the bed.)  At this point you may like your husband to stay still and not thrust so that you can figure out what movement is working for you.  Now the movement can vary.  Some women like to move in circles; up and down; or more back and forth so you can grind your clitoris on his pelvic bone.

As you are doing your movements you can get some leverage with your arms by holding the bed frame, your husband’s shoulders or chest.  If you need some added stimulation first reach down and make sure your clitoris is exposed.  You or your husband can either stimulate your clitoris using fingers, hold a bullet vibe in place or your husband can try to sit up a bit more.  If your husband sits up, make sure he has plenty of pillows behind him so that your mind doesn’t start to wander thinking about if he’s comfortable or not.  You can even use a jelly ring like this for added stimulation.  It’s stretchy enough to accommodate any size penis.

So you are in position, you have your movements down and now for the extras.  This position frees your husband up to do whatever he pleases with his hands.  He can fondle your breast or caress your rear.  You, in turn, can reach down and caress his testicles and perineum (the area between his testicles and anus), run your nails over his inner thighs or caress your own breast.  When he is really aroused you can get into the “squatting” position.  I save this squatting position for last for two reasons.  First, it gives a very different sensation which sends him over the edge pretty quickly.  Secondly, it is a tremendous workout for my legs.  I can only keep this up for 15 minutes before my legs start shaking but focusing on his enthusiasm and the wonderful sensations I feel keeps me going.

I hope someone can get some helpful hints out of this article.  If you did not get the answers you were looking for and are even more confused, I apologize.  Feel free to leave a question either below in the comment box or in our ‘Got Questions’ section and we will get back to you as soon as possible.

original article and comments

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Throwback Thursdays: How Do I Know What is Okay

In discerning what is and is not OK in a husband and wife’s sexual relationship when they have as much of a desire to walk rightly with God as they do to have a passionate marriage bed, I want to give you several guidelines to help you find clarity for your relationship with your spouse. We have spoken of these guidelines generally with certain topics as they have come up, but this article is focused on explaining each of them. Whether you are considering oral sex, anal sex, sex toys, masturbation, role playing, light bondage or simply even a new position, I offer you these questions to consider as you look at whether or not to include it on your shelf of spices.

Does this sexual act include anyone other than your spouse? Whether the person is physically in the room as in the case of threesomes, or if they are on a television screen in the case of pornography, or even if they are mentally in your head in the case of fantasizing about having sex with someone else, we would encourage you not to include these activities in your marriage bed. Although they might seem erotic and sexy, they will be a distraction from God’s plan for your hot and spicy sex life.

Is this sexual act something that both spouses agree they would like to try? If one spouse would like to try an activity in bed and the other feels it is wrong or simply feels really uncomfortable doing it, it should remain off the table until unity is reached. Now, there are situations where a husband or wife wishes to avoid all sex and in this case we are dealing with a sin issue of refusal which you can find information about here. However when I speak of being in agreement, I mean that if, for example, one spouse wants to have sex somewhere semi-public and the other is uncomfortable with it, the one who desires it should present it on occasion and then let the other person choose to try it or not. Strongly pressuring your spouse because you find it highly erotic and know that it would add to your sexual experience will actually make them less likely to try it. Refusing a specific act is not the same as refusing sex. Having said this, let me encourage you to try things you are a bit uncomfortable with if your spouse shows an interest. Sometimes we view something as sin either because we were taught that it is, though it may not actually be so, or because we fear it. Pray about it. If it is sin, avoid it. If it is something you fear or something someone else told you was wrong, consider trying it if you feel peace about that. Ask God to give you truth as you seek out what is and what is not sinful.

Is this sexual act one that God has clearly told us in Scripture is to be avoided? There are some acts which we are told in the Bible are not for us to participate in. Among the list are sex with animals, sex with someone of the same gender, and sex with someone who is married to someone else. Trying to justify our sin by saying that a loving God wouldn’t restrict us in these ways is harmful primarily to our relationship with Him, but also to our spouse. God planned for sex to be the way He did for a reason. When we avoid the things He tells us to avoid, then sex as He planned it to be from the beginning can be restored. Remember that before sin entered the world Adam and Eve walked around naked all the time. Sin, not God, caused them to think there was something wrong with their sexuality.

Does this sexual act move you towards deeper intimacy or further away? There are some things which could be a distraction from where our sexual energy should be focused. Fetishes would fall into this category. Dictionary.com defines a fetish as “any object or non-genital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.” If you love your wife’s sexy feet or your husband’s strong broad shoulders and they are a turn on for you, this is not a harmful fetish unless you require these body parts to be involved in order to become aroused. A harmful fixation on a fetish will result in the item or body part becoming a greater focus than your spouse which will not facilitate deeper intimacy.

Does this sexual act degrade or cause pain to my spouse? There are a number of sexual acts which some people participate in that are degrading to one of the people. Acts involving bodily waste (scat, golden showers, emetophilia…) have no place in a sexual relationship where the husband and wife are also seeking to live a life of devotion to the One who said that husbands should love their wives and wives should respect their husbands. As well, if you and your spouse enjoy the teasing and playfulness and trust involved in light bondage and that builds your intimacy then feel free to incorporate it, but anything in the arena of BDSM which causes pain or is motivated by a desire to intimidate the one God has given you to be your lifelong companion should not be incorporated. Violence is unacceptable.

I hope these guidelines are helpful as you honestly look at the options you have for spicing things up. Really, there are far more things that you can enjoy together, than those you can not. And for the things that shouldn’t be included, there are legitimate reasons. Don’t fight God on it, trust Him. If you don’t believe in God, try living sexually this way for awhile and see what comes of it.

original article

Am I the Only One?

I had an email come in recently (and thank you all for being PATIENT with my slowness for answering emails.  I am going through a really hard, emotional and stressful period of my life.  Satan is trying to get me down, but I continue to look to the cross for my hope!)   It was from a woman who has a high drive and her hubby’s does not.   She has to be the initiator in her marriage bed, but sometimes it is upsetting to her and it makes her feel he doesn’t desire her.  He has no problems “performing” (his word), and she has tried a lot of things.   She is wondering if there are other readers going through this issue and what you can tell her to encourage her.

I will be honest here.  I am not the pursuer in my marriage.  My hubby is.   I try my hardest to make him feel wanted, but I know I fall short more often than I hit the mark.  I know through numerous conversations with him, that it really makes him feel wanted when I initiate sex, but I am one that needs to be “warmed up” before I really start to get in the mood.   I really don’t fantasize.  There are times of the day that I won’t even let myself go there (esp. when I am at work)  I am not very creative in bed, but I do know what positions that he gets the ultimate pleasure in, so when I know there will be no fireworks for me that day, I get into a position I know he loves, so I can bless him.

So, that leaves it to you, my dear readers.   Anyone else here in the same boat?  What suggestions to you have for the low drive spouse to help make the high drive spouse feel desired?  What has worked for you?