Archive | August 2012

Throwback Thursday: Birth Control Options

A reader recently asked us to address the issue of birth control because it is an important part of a couples sex life. It is my hope to present a non-biased approach to sharing what I have found in my research of different birth control methods. Please discuss these options with your OBGYN to determine which method will be best for you.

My husband and I found that it was very difficult to decide on birth control methods over the years. Nothing seemed to really be perfect and we just made due with the best possible option at the time.

There are a variety of different forms of birth control and so many variables to consider when deciding on the one that is right for you. I wish to overview a variety of popular methods with a description of each one. For more detailed information on these methods you may find these websites helpful:

Please keep the following in mind:

I do not promote or encourage any form of “emergency contraception” as I believe that the moment an egg is fertilized that a life has started. Apart from my moral conviction, I also believe it is very unhealthy to interrupt a pregnancy. Therefore I will not make mention of them in this article. However, keep in mind that most hormonal methods would pose some risk to an embryo if an unexpected pregnancy were to occur.

I am not promoting one of these methods over another. The best idea is to pray about which option is right for you and keep in mind that God may lead you and your husband the change methods over time. God surprised me with some of the things He told me when I prayed about the options so I’m really glad I took the time to ask Him.

Educate yourself extensively on the methods you are considering so that you can make a well informed decision. You can not always go by what other women have experience as our bodies can respond differently to the hormonal methods and we all have different preferences, but do take the time to talk to other women as well, if you can.

Hormonal Methods

Birth Control Pills ~ a pill is taken orally each day (sometimes with the option of skipping the week of your period) which you can get that either contains both estrogen and progesterone or progesterone only and primarily functions to keep a woman from ovulating.

Birth Control Patch ~ works similarly to birth control pills, but a patch is worn on the abdomen, buttocks or upper body rather than taking a pill daily. The patch is changed once a week and kept off the week of menstruation.

Depo-Provera ~ an injection of progestin that prevents ovulation in a similar way to the way progesterone would.

Mirena Intrauterine Device (IUD) ~ The Mirena IUD is different from other IUDs because it actually contains a hormone that is highly effective in preventing pregnancy as it blocks sperm from reaching your egg and makes the lining of your uterus thin (this may also result in benefits like less menstrual bleeding over time). Unlike other IUDs, this device is not primarily intended to keep a fertilized egg from implanting. For more details about Mirena, you can visit their website.

NuvaRing ~ it is inserted once a month for a three week duration. It contains estrogen and progestin which will result in preventing the ovaries from developing mature eggs. For more details about NuvaRing, you can visit their website.

Implants ~ no longer available. If you are currently using this method, you will need to consider your other options once it expires.

Barrier Methods

Male or Female Condom (option of adding spermicide for increased effectiveness) ~ a sheath is placed over the penis or in the vagina to contain the ejaculate and prevent sperm from remaining in the vagina.

Cervical Cap, Shield or Diaphragm (option of adding spermicide for increased effectiveness) ~ a dome-shaped device is used to cover the entrance to the cervix. Most of these methods require that the device be inserted hours before intercourse and remain in place for hours afterwards.

Contraceptive Sponge ~ the Today Sponge is primarily a barrier method, but also contains a spermicide.

Natural Methods

Fertility Awareness Method ~ charting your basal body temperature, cervical fluid and position of cervix, and typical menstrual cycling in order to prevent or encourage pregnancy. Abstinence or a barrier method is used on fertile days. A great reference for this method can be found in the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility.

Withdrawal ~ the man withdraws his penis just before ejaculating. Be aware that the pre-ejaculate liquid can contain semen and there can be a higher risk of failure in using this method, especially if the man is not fully committed to the method or if he is not well aware of his sexual function. i.e. he doesn’t know when he is about to ejaculate.

Breastfeeding ~ exclusive breastfeeding can help to prevent pregnancy if the baby is not receiving any formula and feeds every few hours, but does pose a higher risk of failure as some women will begin ovulating after only a few months even with exclusive breastfeeding. Thoroughly research and understand this method if you wish to incorporate it. You can also combine breastfeeding with the mini pill which contains progestin only.

No effort made to prevent pregnancy ~ continuing with usual sexual involvement without any attempt to avert conception.

Total Abstinence ~ refraining from intercourse completely (not a method I recommend in marriage under normal circumstances).

Permanent Methods

Vasectomy (Male sterilization) ~ Cutting, tying or sealing the vas in a male’s testicles so that sperm can not transfer through the penis with the ejaculate.

Tubal Ligation (Female sterilization) ~ Severing and sealing a woman’s fallopian tube so that the egg and sperm can not meet, thereby preventing conception.

Essure System (Female sterilization) ~ a metallic implant is inserted in the woman’s fallopian tube resulting in scarring that blocks the tube, again, preventing conception.

original article

Are you a visual person?

I had a reader comment come into my email, and I know there are probably many women curious about this as well.
Men are always thought to be visually stimulated.  When a man in visually stimulated, it’s usually pretty obvious, but what about women?  Are women visually stimulated?  Is it OK to be visually stimulated?

Of course it is okay for a woman to be visually stimulated.  If the sight of her husband’s erection really turns her on, there is absolutely no problem with that.  He probably LOVES it!  Now, it’s harder to tell visually that a woman is stimulated visually, but that doesn’t mean in doesn’t happen.

Me?  Yes, I love to watch my husband’s naked body and his erection.    I am not one that is visually stimulated.   My stimulation comes from touch and smell  more than sight.   There is nothing wrong, biblically with visual stimulation.   Reading Song of Solomon or going through the Peasant Princess series (Mars Hill Church, Mark Driscoll pastor) are good resources can give you some insight.

If you are not visually stimulated, there is nothing wrong with you.  Please don’t think you are defective or anything.  If you are visually stimulated, there is nothing wrong with you either!  God created each of us differently and unique, but all in His image.  Embrace the way God created you in your marriage.   Bless your husband no matter if you are visually stimulated or not.   God approves either way!

 

How often do you go commando?

 

Throwback Thursday: Giving Up on the Good Girl

Disclaimer: This article is not for men to give to their wives in hopes that they will let go of the “good girl” attitude. Our blog primarily exists for women to find information on how to be free in their affections towards their husband, and while husbands may very well find the information here helpful, please use this to simply understand what your wife might be dealing with and pray that God would make you sensitive to her wounded or deceived heart. This article is for women like myself who love how God made them as sexual partners for their husbands and have battled with giving up the good girl that they were raised to be.

I grew up believing that until I was married, my sexuality was a bad thing. I didn’t have a good example in my parents of a loving relationship so although I began hearing messages in high school like “Sex is worth waiting for,” I had no grid to apply that to. I was a compliant child so I readily accepted all the teaching I heard about sex that I viewed as being from God. I was a good girl, and good girls weren’t naughty about sex. Good girls would save themselves for marriage and then have good sex once they were married. Problem — I had no idea what good sex was and I had a web of false beliefs about sex that has made it very hard to fully embrace my sexuality until more recent years. And yet still, this good girl mentality sometimes rises up to try to rob me of my joy and freedom. I’d like to share some of the things that I have learned that have been helping me in my journey.

To begin with, it is important to repent for accepting and believing wrong thinking about sex. Whether or not it was intentional, we still need to repent of taking and holding on to those lies. Then we need to ask the Lord to replace each lie with His truth. Be specific. Do you know in your head that certain acts are OK, but you just feel bad doing them? Do you have memories of specific things you were told, that you now know to be untrue? Did you get negative teaching from your parents? Friends? Church? Ask God to reveal the lies and then deal with each thing He brings to you. Ask Him to give you His perspective on your sexuality. Ask Him to seal His truth in your heart and to continue setting you free.

A short while back I wrote an article entitled The Importance of Thinking Sex. This has been another important factor in letting go of the good girl. Your brain is an important sex organ. It was in your brain that you began hanging onto the lie that good girls don’t, and it is in your brain that you will learn to embrace the truth that good girls do. Good girls grow into wives who possess incredible power to give and receive sexual pleasure. So use your brain to your advantage. Write erotic stories about you and your husband. Fantasize about sexual scenarios between you and your husband. Plan out ways to seduce your husband. Use your imagination to your advantage in your desire to let go of the belief that you can not be both a worshiper of God and a woman who enjoys sex. It may be especially helpful if you use some of the acts that cause this good girl thing to rise up in your fantasies about your husband.

There comes a point where you find yourself being challenged to continue acting in accordance with the previous mindset. Often you are so used to living from those lies that it feels strange to live from the truth you have received. Sometimes you will need to step out and try things that haven’t seemed natural. This isn’t likely to be a smooth continuous movement towards perfection. It’s far more common for it to be like two steps forward, one step back. You are going to try things and some of them will feel great and some with feel strange. Throughout this process, continue praying and try to take a relaxed attitude. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself.

Another factor in all of this is that you need to be able to communicate well with your husband. Between the two of you there needs to be a willingness to be honest and encouraging. What do you need from your husband? What does he need from you? What are your emotional needs? What are your physical needs, sexually and otherwise? What can your husband do to show you love? What can your husband do to show you that he accepts you? Being respectfully honest with one another will allow you to feel safe as you embrace your sexuality. Your husband may be overwhelmed by your growing eagerness for sex, or he may be overly zealous in the excitement of you beginning to show signs of enjoying sex. In either case, communication is very important in helping the two of you transition through this time.

Why is it important to let go of the good girl? Well, for our husbands, we are the only legitimate sexual release our they have. Personally, I want to be the best I can be. I want him to feel blessed to have a wife who loves having sex with him. I want him to have the confidence that comes from being sexually satisfied. For you, you are going to find a lot more security in your marriage if you embrace intimacy and pleasure. The more you and your husband are connected in your hearts, the more safe you will feel and that is part of what sex does for us. The good girl mentality usually keeps us from trying new things and enjoying our sexuality.

So enjoy and embrace who God has made you. Have fun with your husband and don’t let wrong thinking rob you of anything God has for you.

How can I increase my desire for sex?

The answer to that question is more sex.

Think about it…. Here is my own experience…. over the past week, my dh and I have made love at least once a day, sometimes twice, skipping only one day.   The result… I can tell that my desire for him and my desire for sex is increasing!  I can be literally sitting here watching tv and my desire is increasing just being next to him.

I am not saying that this will work for everyone, but it really does work.  Coming into it, you can’t have a bad attitude about it…. “oh, Spicynutmeg says I HAVE to have sex more often…. here goes…”   Going into it with a positive attitude, especially if you really WANT you desire to increase to the point where you are having more LM time with your spouse, you just can’t treat it like a chore that you have to do like the dishes in the sink that need washing.   Pray that God would give you a good attitude about it.

You don’t have to be a high drive spouse or hope to become a high drive spouse over night, but if you want to feel the stirrings of desire, take the plunge.   Try it for just a week…. then maybe 2 weeks.  It really is a great experiment and I know that your hubby will love it.  Men love to be desired, and this is one way that you can show him how much you do desire him.

So… are you willing to give it a try?  I have a few more days until my next cycle is “supposed” to start, so we’ll give it all we’ve got until Aunt Flo arrives….who knows, she may be late like she is sometimes to give us some more time to have fun!

True Orgasm

I have a question about climaxing. Considering I was not a Christian and I watched WAY too many movies growing up that did have sex in them (nothing porno, but definitely R rated), you see a lot of “YES YES YES” and then this calming down smile.

For me, I get immense pleasure, “yes yes yes” and then…. I am not sure. It feels REALLY good, but the after effects are nothing like what I have seen (of course, what IS like anything you see on TV?). What DOES an in real life orgasm look/feel like? I have always heard if you don’t know if you had one, you haven’t had one. Well, that just isn’t true if you don’t have a godly picture of what ONE IS. Does that make sense? I could totally be having one and not know that is what it is because my mind has a different image of what a true orgasm is (based on movies).

 

This question had my mind going in circles because really, what is a “Godly picture of an orgasm”?  I think whatever you do when climaxing with your husband is considered (in my book) a ‘Godly orgasm’.  Everyone has their own thing they may do when climaxing but our bodies are experiencing the same things and I think that is how you know if you have had an orgasm.  Unlike a man it is not so obvious on the outside when we climax but a woman should be able to tell if she has by her rapid breathing, increased heart rate, maybe some flushing, muscles throughout her body become rigid, secretions outside the vagina all followed by muscle contractions within the vagina that vary in length of time.   Those muscle contractions feel incredible and they are pretty difficult to overlook or mistake for something else.  ;)

 

Now, we all react differently on the outside with our facial expressions/body language.  Some of us may be extremely vocal.  The ‘When Harry Met Sally” scene where ‘Sally’ shows ‘Harry’ what she sounds like when she experiences an orgasm is an example of how loud we can get. Some are quiet as a mouse while they even hold their breath.  One woman may flare around in bed while another barely moves.  There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to have an orgasm.  I know that I, for one, may be extremely verbal and flare around one time and be quiet the next.  Is one way better than the other?  No, what I do may just depend on my mood or whether we have the potential of being heard.  I have heard some ask “Why do people say that they are coming when they are climaxing?  Isn’t that strange?”  It is not strange.  It is a way of expressing and enjoying yourself.  My husband can tell if I am climaxing without me being verbal about it but that doesn’t stop me from expressing myself.  Now that I think about it one of my favorite memories is when my child first rode his bike without his training wheels.  He was so excited to be riding without any assistance that he yelled “Mommy, I’m doing it!!!!”  Suddenly I began yelling “You’re doing it!!!” just as enthusiastically.  So why do we state the obvious?  Well, I guess we do it because it is fun.  It is a way to share joy with my loved one and isn’t that part of being ‘Godly’?

So, just as I stated at the beginning, I think that whatever you do is a ‘real orgasm’ and sometimes it will resemble what is depicted in the movies and sometimes it won’t.  Just enjoy yourself and do what comes naturally.  If your husband likes to hear sounds or see you so excited that you can’t contain yourself then let it all hang out.  Some women are not comfortable losing control but this is the one place where you can feel safe to do so.  It could make for some great memories for your husband and it may increase your arousal to.  If you would rather stay quiet and concentrate on the sensations that are going through your body then that’s great too.  It’s all good and all very real.

What do you use for lubrication?