Q&A: How can you overcome your spouse’s fetish?

I love my husband and as his only outlet for sexual desire, I want to do anything that pleases him. But he has this thing for pantyhose. Every time we have sex he wants me to wear it and if I don’t wear it he has a hard time getting aroused… I feel a little offended. It’s as if my body isn’t sexy anymore without pantyhose. I want to be beautiful and sexy to him without anything on me, too.

This was a recent email that came from the “Got Questions” page.  I really don’t have much experience with fetishes in our sex life.   It does sound like he has developed a fetish with needing the pantyhose in order to get aroused.   Here are a few suggestions I have for you.  Other readers can chime in, too, with their experiences.

1.  Take some time (outside of the bedroom) to sit down and talk to him about it.  Make a coffee date or some time when intimacy isn’t at it’s highest.  Make sure that he hears that it really hurts you that he doesn’t find you attractive unless you have pantyhose on.   Tell him, “to me, it seems like the pantyhose are more important to you than I am.”  Give him time to think and give you a legitimate answer to why he needs them.  “I just do” isn’t good enough.   Has he seen it in porn?

2.  You may want to suggest that you both see a sex therapist together to find out the root of this fetish and what you can do to make sex a little more healthier for both of you.  On Christian Nymphos, we partnered with Dr. Lauren Jordan, a certified sex therapist, who operates out of the Dallas/Ft. Worth metroplex.  I have been to one of her seminars, and it is very enlightening.  A lot of people think that sex therapy is humiliating, but sometimes it really is helpful and necessary.   This might be a step in the right direction.

If you haven’t read them yet, here are a few articles from CN that cover the topic.

Fetishes  ~ Cumingirl’s

How Do I know What is Ok? ~ Cinnamonstick’s

Adding Spice – Where to Draw the Line ~ Peppermintgirl’s

Readers, do you have any other advice for this reader?

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