Separate? Or Mutual?

I’m talking orgasms here!

Okay, my husband has taken up the “She comes first” motto every time we make love.  While I appreciate his efforts to make my experience as pleasurable as possible, I still have this dream of us having our orgasms at the same time.

Do I expect it every time?  No.

Would it be nice on occasion?  Yes.

I don’t know what it is about orgasming together that really gets me going.  Honestly, I don’t expect it at all.  I know I’ve dreamed of it in the past, but I realize it takes a lot to get me going, let alone us both at the same time.

Like I said, my husband’s main focus and goal is for my sexual pleasure during love making, which is incredible.  It doesn’t always happen, but it is nice to know that he is interested in making our LM very pleasurable for me.  I just think it would be nice on occasion, it would be incredibly intimate and exhilarating — for him to just let go when he hears my orgasm coming like a freight train….I should ask him if this is just too intimate for him or if I read too many romance novels or watched too many Soap Opera when I was younger or what….

I saw a thread on the Marriage Bed about it, and it seemed like the consensus of people on that thread weren’t really interested in it.  Is it just weird for me to still wish he would do it?  Should I just let it go and pray that just once, he will let go and I get my desire?

Maybe I should make a poll on this one…. lol.  I haven’t made a poll since my old CN days!  How do you feel about this topic?  Is it important to you?  Not important to you?   Great if it happens?  Never happened at all?   Wish it would?

9 thoughts on “Separate? Or Mutual?

  1. I would love for us to orgasm at the same time but my DH spends time on ensuring that I have at least one first. We have climaxed together a couple of times but I would love it to be more frequent. Recently when I am getting close I have been trying to get him to join with me so we can orgasm together – I think it is highly romantic and special when we do.

  2. I love orgasming with my husband! Like you girls said of your men, my man also likes to make sure I am satisfied before he goes, but when I ask him to orgasm with me (or it happens on accident) I LOVE it! Those times are really some of my favorite… It seems to be more signifigant for me and not as much for him, because he likes to watch me orgasm and when he goes he doesn’t feel like he enjoys my experience as much because he is so caught up in his own. I hope that wasn’t too confusing!

  3. The only way I have an orgasm is when using a vibrator on my clitoris, which really gives me a good bit of control over it. So, we frequently orgasm together – not always. It does give a nice feeling of closeness to finish together; plus, one of us isn’t “finished” and just along for the ride of the other.

  4. My hubby gives me some manual stimulation, and then switches to PIV when I’m about to climax. Sometimes we hit O at roughly the same time, other times I’m running low on stamina and he has yet to reach climax. Either way it turns out, I love reaching to hold his face in my hands when I get there and saying “I love you” :).

  5. We used to reach it together, and it was great. We still do once in a while but over the last few years its been less common. He’s actually the one who takes longer to reach that point! If it takes too long, I find I lose my “orgasm window” for lack of a better word.
    I’ve actually been wanting to ask about this – which lead me back to your site (the CN site first, then was redirected to this one, love it BTW!). So please redirect me to ask this question if it’s more appropriately asked somewhere else:
    We used to have a little way to let the other know we were close and to ask if we needed to wait for the other. Usually if one of us was close we’d either hold off or hurry up :). So recently I was in the middle of an orgasm and didn’t want to slow down if my husband was close behind so I asked “are you close?” to which he replied “no, are you?” I felt completely deflated that he had no idea that I was having an orgasm! I thought I had made it pretty obviously by what I was saying and doing, but he didn’t know. It took me a while to bring it up to him later to talk about it because I was embarrassed about it. He apologized for making me feel the way I did and he said he’d work to pay more attention to my cues. But my question comes out of wanting to know what I can do to help him come faster or helping me stay “ready” longer? It is stereo-typically the other way around so I’m not sure what to do. We have been able to have mutual orgasms in the past, but with him taking so long to reach climax, I feel kind of numb (overstimulated?) after too long and nothing feels good. Usually if it’s gone too long I’ll just let him finish and tell him I’m not coming. I’ve never been capable of multiples because of this. I’m just getting used to being the first one – which he doesn’t mind – allowing me to “just relax” while he finishes. I don’t mind it so much, but it seems to be creating some unhealthy routine that we can easily get stuck in.

    • Maybe a few other readers can add to this, but I would say, first of all to ask him what would help him come to climax more. Maybe give him a little manual or oral sex before he enters you to get him started before he enters you. Try a different position that he considers “exciting”. I know that my DH sometime has a hard time controlling himself when we are doing rear entry (doggie style)

      Readers, what else do you suggest?

      • I think you really have to know his signs..I know when its close, if I’m not we slow down just touch &tease… DH has even enjoyed just watching me masterbate till I’m getting close..keeps him going & he can see what things feel good for me..

  6. Hubby and I usually end up giving each other manual sex. I can see and feel when he’s getting hard and also let him know when I’m getting close, using verbal cues.

  7. To be able to climax together is my ULTIMATE dream, especially PIV. I’ve NEVER been able to orgasm by him; PIV, manual or oral and it has recently becoming an issue for me since I’ve recently had my sexual awaking after 15 years of marriage! I can only orgasm by vibrator and I don’t want to become dependant on it, but I think I may be too late.

    I told my DH last night that I want to stop using the vibrator do I can retrain my brain to have him please me, but after ML last night I resorted to using it and afterwards I cried.

    I think there is something wrong with me because although his touches and stimulation feels nice it’s never enough to get me excited to the point of orgasm. Rarely I will orgasm first by vibrator and then he’ll enter me and Iwont have another orgasm even though I’m finishing up from my previous.

    This issue has been haunting me and I don’t want to be consumed by it.
    My desire is for my DH to lead me to orgasm, either manually, orally or (my dream) PIV!
    I think I need help. :’(

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