Archive | June 2012

Lord, Free Me From Ungodly Fear

What do you fear most?

My fears, you ask?  How about falling from heights…. being buried alive….  drowning….at one point in time I was afraid of death….now it’s just the fear of how I will die, not death itself.

Here are two things that  I will never do.   You can wheel my dead body out here, but while I am alive and kicking, these will mortify me forever…..

   The Grand Canyon sky walk …. and

  The glass ledge on the Sears Tower

DH and I actually went up to the top of the Sears Tower on our honeymoon 17 years ago…. way before this was added on, and I wouldn’t go near the windows.  Water parks…. I really had to FORCE myself to do one of those water slides with my kids where the bottom drops out from under you….. there was the fear of falling and drowning all in one.    I hate that feeling, but how do you make it go away?

All of those are ungodly fears.   There was a guy that lived down the street that I went to HS with….he was a senior, I was a freshman.   Just through some innuendo with knowing him, he really gave me the heebie geebies…. so much that I hated taking a shower for fear he was in the bathroom closet.    He died that year….even after he died and I knew he was gone, I still had that irrational fear that he would come back from the grave and haunt me.   I like Stormie’s word for it.  Torment.   I was/am  literally tormented by these fears.  Some I have overcome.  (Yes, David is not in my bathroom closet), but there are some that would still literally cripple me.  I need tons of prayer over those.

Here are 4 ways Stormie recommends to get rid of ungodly fear.

1. Praying: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment.  But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” (1 John 4:18)  Draw close to your Abba Father and let his love consume you.   There is no fear in the Lord.

2. Control what you receive in your mind:  I don’t like watching the news anymore.  I’ve kind of given it up.  Yeah, I get surprised by the weather, since I didn’t watch the news, but there are too many images that require a brain scrubber sometimes….I loved scary movies as a teen.  Not anymore.  It was no fun trying to run to my bedroom when I was 18 in the completely dark house because I was afraid Freddy Kruger was around the corner…. (Actually, my brother took great pride in scaring the crap outta me then….he is 3 years younger!)   Fear disappears in the presence of the Lord.   Read your bible.  Pray.  Listen to praise music.   I like to do the latter.

3. Be in the Word of God: Reading and speaking the word aloud has so much power in it.  Takes away fear every time!

4. Live in the fear of the Lord:  No, don’t be afraid of the Lord.  That is not what fear of the Lord means.  Fear is respect.  Reverence.  Fear of the Lord makes you want to obey him.   It makes you forget all the things you are truly afraid of.   I can’t imagine my life without God.  Talk about scary!

The Lord is the light of our life.  He is our strength and our shield.  Whom shall we fear?  He is with us wherever we go.

Throwback Thursdays: How to Discuss Sensitive Topics with Our Husbands

This article is going to need all of us ladies to band together and draw from our experiences in communication fails and triumphs. We can not avoid it. At times we are going to encounter problems in our marriages that we need to talk about openly with our husbands. And at times they are issues that could cause the conversation to turn south really fast if we are not mindful of some strategies for discussing sensitive topics in a way that encourage more talking rather than seeing us or our husbands shut down.

Maybe your husband needs to know that you need something particular in bed. Or that you need him to stop doing something particular in bed. Maybe there are issues in your finances or serious character issues that concern you. Whatever it is, there is a way that we as wives can do our part to bring these things up in a manner that is more likely to be well received. We can’t guarantee it of course. Our husbands are responsible for their own response, but there are some keys that make it work better.

The first thing I want to mention is the importance of picking your timing well. If he is in the middle of a project or watching something important to him on TV, that isn’t the time to bring up a problem. I used to be very unaware of this and have worked hard to be more intentional about when I bring things up that my husband and I need to discuss. My husband has taken the time to tell me how much he appreciates that I have grown in my discretion in this area so I know that it’s really meaningful to him.

The other thing that is very important is to take the time to think before you speak. We often end up reacting to problems the moment they pop up, but if we can train ourselves to hold our tongues, collect our thoughts and then speak, we often end up being able to respond more reasonably. I’ve found it really helpful to write out my thoughts ahead of time on very serious issues. It helps me process out a lot of the emotions so that when I talk to my husband I can focus more on the facts and present things in a way that makes more sense to him. I’ve noticed that so many of the movies I see which depict a romantic relationship are often missing this aspect of communication when the conflict in the movie meets the crisis point. Self control in conflict is completely disregarded, but I think controlling our tongue in conflict is incredibly important.

Without a doubt it is also important to take the time to pray for insight, especially if you need to bring up an issue that could be hurtful to him. We don’t want our words to tear him down and if we take time to pray I know that God gives us wisdom so that we can say things in ways that encourage him to consider how he can change. There was an issue a number of months ago that began concerning me about my husband so I began praying about it. God provided me a way to very gently mention it to my husband at just the right timing, when his heart was able to receive it. Since then I have seen God prompt people who knew nothing of the issue I was concerned about say something that reconfirms to my husband the importance of him paying attention to the problem I mentioned. Prayer makes a huge difference.

Our tone of voice is also very important. If we can remember to say things gently and with kindness, we will find that what we say is more readily received. Whether the issue is serious or mild, we have the choice to say things in a passive aggressive manner and rudely or we can choose to speak kindly. If in our hearts we already disrespect or despise our husband, that is going to come across in how we say things. We can’t expect him to receive what we are saying if underneath our words, our tone communicates a poor heart condition on our part. And we won’t be able to hide that so take the time to deal with issues of the heart as they come up.

And that brings me to my final point. If you have a habit of sweeping things under the rug because you have a hard time dealing with conflict, you can be sure that those bad roots of anger, bitterness and unforgiveness are going to cause bad fruit in our relationship. A lot of the time we will not even see the connection between a hurt we have in our hearts and a bad reaction we had to something external, but very often there are indeed connections between these kinds of things. So have courage and deal with the stuff in your heart. Bring your hurts to Jesus and let him begin healing the broken parts of your heart.

So how about you? These are my top suggestions for how to deal with sensitive issues with your husband. What have you found to be effective? I’d love to hear from you.

original article

Q&A: How can you overcome your spouse’s fetish?

I love my husband and as his only outlet for sexual desire, I want to do anything that pleases him. But he has this thing for pantyhose. Every time we have sex he wants me to wear it and if I don’t wear it he has a hard time getting aroused… I feel a little offended. It’s as if my body isn’t sexy anymore without pantyhose. I want to be beautiful and sexy to him without anything on me, too.

This was a recent email that came from the “Got Questions” page.  I really don’t have much experience with fetishes in our sex life.   It does sound like he has developed a fetish with needing the pantyhose in order to get aroused.   Here are a few suggestions I have for you.  Other readers can chime in, too, with their experiences.

1.  Take some time (outside of the bedroom) to sit down and talk to him about it.  Make a coffee date or some time when intimacy isn’t at it’s highest.  Make sure that he hears that it really hurts you that he doesn’t find you attractive unless you have pantyhose on.   Tell him, “to me, it seems like the pantyhose are more important to you than I am.”  Give him time to think and give you a legitimate answer to why he needs them.  “I just do” isn’t good enough.   Has he seen it in porn?

2.  You may want to suggest that you both see a sex therapist together to find out the root of this fetish and what you can do to make sex a little more healthier for both of you.  On Christian Nymphos, we partnered with Dr. Lauren Jordan, a certified sex therapist, who operates out of the Dallas/Ft. Worth metroplex.  I have been to one of her seminars, and it is very enlightening.  A lot of people think that sex therapy is humiliating, but sometimes it really is helpful and necessary.   This might be a step in the right direction.

If you haven’t read them yet, here are a few articles from CN that cover the topic.

Fetishes  ~ Cumingirl’s

How Do I know What is Ok? ~ Cinnamonstick’s

Adding Spice – Where to Draw the Line ~ Peppermintgirl’s

Readers, do you have any other advice for this reader?