Your mission this week is take more time to kiss when you are home together. Be intentional about giving kisses when you greet and say goodbye. Take time to stop what you are doing to give unexpected kisses and let some of those kisses linger that would usually be quick ones. Just enjoy kissing a little more than normal this week.
Here we go with another “outercourse” position! Outercourse positions are great for those times when penis-in-vagina intercourse just isn’t possible (menstruation, infection, etc.)
For this position you will need two pieces of comfortable furniture such as the bed, sofa, chair, ottoman, or cushioned stool. The wife will lie back onto something (an ottoman works great) and then put her feet up onto a higher piece of furniture or counter/table. It actually works great if she can bend her knees over the other piece of furniture. The other way to get into position is to have the wife lie down on one narrow but long piece of furniture. Something like a chaise. She will then need to raise her knees up and put her feet flat down.
The husband will stand over his wife, straddling her. He will face her feet. He can then insert his penis in between her lubed thighs and thrust. He will be able to use his hands to compress her thighs together making it tighter for him. He can also thrust right at her vertex so that his penis is rubbing up against her clitoris, giving her pleasure!
Pros: This is a great position to use when PIV isn’t possible!
Cons: It may be difficult to find the furniture needed to make this work.
I’m starting to feel crampy and bloated.
That can only mean one thing: my period will be here soon.
That is a bummer for a variety of reasons, the least of which is that GingerPapa and I have both been under the weather lately and there hasn’t been as much conjugal activity as usual. So now I’m getting ready for 5-6 days of The Red Menace, and I’m in the mood for love.
What to do?
Well, there are all sorts of things that we can do. Now granted, for the first couple of days I’m crampy and sore and want to be left alone. But by the third day we have to start making alternate arrangements.
Before I even start the list I want to mention that I know very well that some people go ahead and have intercourse during their period. We’ve tried it, but I just don’t care for it. If it works for you, run with it, but it’s not my favorite thing to do.
So without further ado, here’s a little list of ideas to tide you over:
1. Breast sex. This is something that I really enjoy on occasion. I love for my husband to play with my breasts, and so it’s really cool visually for him to go from sucking them to molding them around himself. We add a little lube to my cleavage, and away we go! He can ejaculate on me, which is a great visual for him.
2. Oral sex. Although oral play is a regular part of our lovemaking, I don’t often give him oral all the way to completion because we’re doing so many other things. So during my period sometimes I like to just take him in my mouth and do the whole whammy. It’s a nice surprise for him. But it’s not totally sacrificial, because I really get excited to see how excited he’s getting and well, it’s all good.
3. Anal sex. I think that Cumingirl has done a great job of describing the how-to’s of that. All of the usual foreplay, but with back door entry.
4. Semi-vaginal sex. We’ve done a sort of modified vaginal thing where he doesn’t actually enter my vagina per se, but I kind of wrap my outer labia around him, and he slides up and down. I’m not sure how to describe that better.
Some couples like to do manual sex at this time. Cumingirl has written a great piece on that, complete with a link to an instructional site.
Some couples also like to do something dubbed “The Scarlet Kiss.” The freshly showered wife inserts a clean tampon and then her husband proceeds to perform oral sex on her, just avoiding the area with the tampon. Not for everybody, but it’s an option.
So when it’s getting to be that time of the month, surprise your hubby with some new ideas for the bedroom. You’ll be glad you did!
Sexual temptations can come in many forms. One temptation that can sometimes come up in a marriage is the idea of adding someone else to the mix. I believe that viewing pornography together is one of the things that can put these sinful thoughts into a couple’s head. It looks so enticing on the screen. Everyone looks like they are having the time of their lives.
Threesomes are so common in porn that it kind of normalizes it in your head. You may start thinking “We love each other so much, so it’s okay to just try it once.” “Our marriage is so strong. We can handle this.” “We’ll just get someone that we already know and trust. We’ll be okay.” The truth is that you won’t be okay. Giving in to these thoughts will do permanent damage to your marriage. Look at what God tells us in 1 Corinthians:
1 Corinthians 6:18-19 (NIV)
18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;
“FLEE,” He said! God tells us to “Flee from sexual immorality.” To flee means to run away from swiftly. He did not tell us to think about it and weigh the pros and cons. He said to run away from it! There is no compromise. Don’t you think that God knows what is best for us? The couples who do not flee end up in a bad situation.
The wife may secretly wonder…
- Did he enjoy having sex with her more so than with me?
- Does he find her body more appealing than mine?
- Was she ‘tighter’ than me?
- Was he happier with her oral skills instead of mine?
- If he wants to do it again, does that mean that I’m not enough for him?
The husband may secretly wonder…
- Did she like the way he/she moved/thrusted/grinded better than the way I do it?
- He looked slightly larger… I wonder if she found him more satisfying?
- I wonder if she liked his/her oral skills better than mine?
- She was more vocal with him/her…so does that mean she enjoyed it more?
- If she wants to do it again, does that mean that I’m not enough for her?
From that day forward, their marriage will never be the same. Trust issues will come up, especially if the third person was someone they both knew. It will begin to eat away at their marriage bit by bit until their marriage becomes a shell of what it once was. God knew what he was talking about when he told us to FLEE.
1 Thessalonians 4:2-4 (NIV)
2 For you know what instructions we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. 3It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable,
We are told to control our own bodies. We have the Holy Spirit living inside of us and we are to keep ourselves holy and honorable. Committing acts of fornication or adultery is not consistent with keeping ourselves honorable. It doesn’t matter that you both consent to it. A threesome has to involve either fornication or adultery, and both are an abomination to God.
Proverbs 6:32 (NIV)
32 But a man who commits adultery lacks judgment;
whoever does so destroys himself.
God’s word is clear on adultery and fornication. Inviting someone else into your marriage bed is sin, plain and simple. What I would tell young couples now is to guard your hearts and your minds. Never say “It won’t happen to me” because it can. Satan is always at work, looking for areas in your life that he can slip in, unnoticed. Cleave to each other and pray together. Know that, as Christians, we have the Holy Spirit living inside us, and we should strive to keep our temples pure and pleasing to God. But also remember that God loves us all. He knows we are human and will be tempted, and He will always be there with open arms, ready to forgive us when we stumble, if we but ask.
This article drew my attention by just the title. Contrary to popular belief, the HDS (high drive spouse) isn’t always the husband. In my household, I am the LDS (low drive spouse). A lot of what he talked about in the article really rings true. I know all of those things. I have heard my hubby say them many times.
Here are the 5 things the HDS feels:
1. It’s part of who I am: God created my DH special and unique. His HDS is a part of that.
2. I can’t just turn it off: When I went through my refusing years, I didn’t understand why he couldn’t just turn it off. I was tired and didn’t feel like making love. Why wasn’t he tired, too? It wasn’t until I realized it was how God created him that I tried to be more understanding and thinking more of what his needs were.
3. The pain of “no” becomes too hard to hear after awhile: He’s told me that many times. I try now to not say no, but say when we can do it…. not in 2015, but maybe the next morning or the following evening.
4. I don’t expect you to be me, I just want you to be “naked and smiling“: Haha. This one made me laugh. He just likes me to be naked…. Then again, it can’t be a forced smile…
5. Meeting a sexual need doesn’t always mean intercourse: he tells me this all the time. One of these days, I will get it.
How does it work in your household? Are you HDS or LDS?
Your mission this week is to get out a family board game and play it sex style. Change the rules so that clothing is removed or sexual favours are given for different parts of the game. What games would work with this?
First, let me post-Mother’s day say Happy Mother’s Day to all moms out there…. grandmoms, aunts, and any and all women who “mother” or mentor children. You are a blessing to our world.
I scanned an article today that I didn’t really think about before… the day after Mother’s Day being the most dangerous day of your marriage. Why? Well, if Mom had certain expectations of the day, and they weren’t met, the day after could be holy hell for her hubby and kids.
I have a great group of women that I am a part of two different “Birthclub” boards with. Our children are all turning 10 either last month or this month. I love these ladies. They are like “sisters from another mister” if you know what I mean. On one board today, it already appeared…. the “Mother’s Day disappointment” thread. I feel badly for the ladies who had a really bad “crappy” (their words) Mother’s day.
I am the mother of 2 great kids. A 16 yo boy and a 10 yo girl. To my daughter, every day is Mother’s Day. “Mom, you’re the best.” “Mom, I don’t know what I would do without you.” “Mom, I love doing things for you.” “Here, Mom, this is for you.” … the boy, well I love him to death, but he’s got a bit of Aspergers in him, so unless I am talking about baseball (his latest fascination), then I might as well be invisible. That’s okay. I do try to remain interested in what he is interested in when I can. My DH of almost 18 years asks the week before Mother’s Day… “What do you want for Mother’s Day?” Not really wanting a gift, I say, “A hug from our son would be great.” SO, on Mother’s Day…. I got my hug from the boy, a gift from the kids (Les Miserable!), dinner out the night before, a Doobie Brother’s concert this past Friday from DH. I feel really blessed and appreciated. But not many ladies on that birthclub board…. at this posting, there are 24 rants on their about husbands…. I really feel badly for those men.
Here’s my thing. My blessing is that God made me a mother. Yes, it’s nice to be appreciated, but even if the kids and DH forgot year after year, I know that God knows, watches and appreciates. There are so many women in this world that cannot be a mother for one reason or another…. or choose to not be a mother…. or have lost their mother. It really seems like a dig at them to gripe and complain about not being appreciated as a mother. At this stage of my life, if DH forgot, he wouldn’t need to worry about the Wrath of Spicy the next day. (Isn’t that a movie? LOL) Our marriage is much stronger than that. I am blessed in the fact that my husband does take the time to show appreciation, to remember what I like and what I dislike, and to encourage our kids to show their mom love and appreciation. I thank God for him that I don’t have to complain about a crappy day with him at all. No, we’re not perfect, but we take the time to really read each other.
So which category do you fall in after Mother’s Day (if you are a mother) … the “Tell me all the crappy things he didn’t do for me” or the “I am so blessed to be his wife and their mother” camp? Should women really make their husbands suffer the day after Mother’s Day if they don’t get the appreciation and gifts they expect?